Chair Shot Reality; King Cole

Mark Madden

CHAIR SHOT REALITY

Don’t be naïve enough to believe that the fines levied on Triple H and Undertaker for the unprotected chair shot to the head that the latter absorbed from the former at ‘Mania will ever be paid. Or that announcing the fines was anything besides a PR cover-up.

Don’t be naïve enough to believe that Vince McMahon didn’t know what was coming. What, Trips double-crossed his father-in-law?

It’s not supposed to happen. WWE wants fans to believe it wasn’t supposed to happen. But, in this instance, it was supposed to happen.

No big deal, right? Wrong.

It was the one thing I hated about an otherwise terrific match.

The health hazard is considerable. Sidney Crosby of hockey’s Pittsburgh Penguins has missed the latter half of the current season with post-concussion syndrome. Crosby is the face of his team, town, league and sport. His future is in doubt. But at least the blow he took wasn’t absorbed willingly. At least he was wearing a helmet.

To allow yourself to be hit in the head with a metal folding chair, pretty much all-out, is STUPID.

Furthermore, it should be beneath Undertaker. That’s cheap heat, bad ECW-style heat, heat you need when you can’t work. Trips and ‘Taker can work. They certainly proved that Sunday. They made that match into a maelstrom of brutality the old-fashioned way: BY WORKING. Why use an unprotected chair shot to the head?

‘Taker was clearly banged-up. That was evident in the post-match. I couldn’t help but wonder if the chair shot did the most damage. It was a very physical match. The chair shot went too far.

Crap like that is why Mick Foley is considered a stuntman by such a big portion of his peers. (And he is, for sure.) Foley devalued a lot of his legitimate work through chair shots, blade jobs and letting gravity plummet him earthward like a sack of wet cement.

But Foley needed to. ‘Taker and Trips don’t. Shame on them.

KING COLE

I thought Vince McMahon was going to (at least temporarily) write Michael Cole out of WWE at WrestleMania because of his homophobic tweet.

How wrong I was.

McMahon is reportedly higher on Cole than ever before, seeing Cole’s persona as the successor to the “Mr. McMahon” character. I know. I don’t see it, either. Then again, I liked The Goon.

I don’t see how you put Cole back in the booth unless it’s as a straight heel color commentator, which is what he did Monday while Josh Matthews did play-by-play. But McMahon has been against heel color commentators FOR YEARS. Announcers are supposed to tell stories. Problem is, every story Cole tells involves himself. Cole gets himself over, not the match or the talent. What’s the payoff?

J.R., meanwhile, soldiers on. The goal Monday, clearly, was to embarrass him yet again, but J.R. doesn’t care. Ross is a man secure in his accomplishments. He knows he’s the best play-by-play man ever. He knows his peers know. Doesn’t matter what Vince thinks.

Furthermore, Ross knows more about wrestling than McMahon. Seen more sides of it, in more places. Deep down, McMahon knows that, and it angers him. Spilled BBQ sauce changes NOTHING.

Memory/mammary lane: Remember when Ed Ferrara (as J.R. knockoff Oklahoma) pulled Madusa’s hair back and poured a jar full of BBQ sauce down her ample cleavage? HOT. I’d have licked Madusa clean from head to toe. Still would.

Mark Madden hosts a radio show 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WXDX-FM, Pittsburgh, PA (105.9). Check out his web page at WXDX.com. Contact Mark by emailing WZMarkMadden@hotmail.com.

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