EXCLUSIVE: Road Mild

*Leno actually played along. In some ways, that’s no surprise. Leno is notoriously money-hungry. He’d dive into a septic tank if he thought he could come up with a nickel. He works constantly, doing stand-up across the country when he’s not taping The Tonight Show. Bischoff and Hogan actually “took over” The Tonight Show on one occasion, only to be repelled by DDMe and Leno. Leno COMPROMISED THE TONIGHT SHOW for the sake of doing an angle for fake wrestling. I wonder what Johnny Carson thought? Leno wouldn’t shoot a faux episode of The Tonight Show that would have featured in Seinfeld, perhaps the hottest sitcom EVER. But he did an angle for fake wrestling. Leno turned down Jerry Seinfeld, but not Bischoff. Within the context of what The Tonight Show means (or at least, used to mean) to America, that’s MIND-BOGGLING.

*Leno actually worked hard to learn the modicum of wrestling skills necessary. He was trained by the late Chris Kanyon. Leno was dedicated. He put in the time. But wrestling is supposed to approximate a real fight, and WHO COULD POSSIBLY BELIEVE that Leno could “compete” with a man as massive as Hogan, or even an acknowledged martial arts aficionado like Bischoff? Somebody, I think it was Terry Funk, said, “The minute Jay Leno put Hulk Hogan in a wristlock, the wrestling business DIED.”

*DDMe, of course, was positioned in every celebrity angle, whether it was Karl Malone and Dennis Rodman, or Leno. Why DDMe? Because he relentlessly kissed Bischoff’s ass and because he relentlessly tongued the nether orifices of the celebrities involved. DDMe must have had a leather tongue. Hey, just like his face! DDMe’s grill is like 20 miles of bad road. Anything he got, he was capriciously given. This was no exception. How long did he last in the big show? How did DDMe do in WWE?

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