Huge Spoiler! Click This Link! I’m Not Kidding!

Kevin Kelly

Huge Spoiler! Click This Link! I’m Not Kidding!
By Kevin Kelly

In a huge spoiler that no one expected, the WWE put Somas on the banned substance list.

Why is this a huge spoiler?

Because it’s un-freaking-believable that Somas weren’t on the list already. For the uninitiated, Somas are the commonly used name for a muscle relaxant that wrestlers have used for pain management and social lubrication for years now. They relax the muscles… all of them… including those that help the body expel carbon dioxide from the body.

Yes, one problem with major Soma use is the user suffers the effects of oxygen deprivation. And as with other drugs, the Soma user builds up a tolerance to the drug… becoming a tragic member of the industry’s pitiful “Death Pool” as the Soma user slowly suffocates.

Now, for years, the industry has turned their back on every Soma user. I did too. Over the years, I’ve seen many with the tell-tale “drooling and passing out at the bar” look. It’s a great look, really. But if I was writing the WWE’s Wellness Policy in 2005, Somas would have been at the top of the banned list.

So, what to do… what to do… how about this? Since our current regime in Washington loves Czars (there’s about three dozen of them currently), why not name a Sports-Entertainment Czar? With Linda McMahon within striking distance of winning a US Senate seat for the Republicans, I’m surprised they haven’t looked to put the screws to the WWE yet.

No, that idea is terrible. Besides, I named the late, great Dennis Coraluzzo “Wrestling Czar” back in 1999, in the wake of the elimination of the Athletic Commission’s oversight of wrestling. He had a business card and everything. I miss Dennis…

Have a news tip? Attended an event and want to send a live report? Submit it now!