EXCLUSIVE: A Tale Of Two Rock Stars; Pulling Rank

Mark Madden

PULLING RANK

I’ve received a few e-mails requesting old WCW stories, so here are a few that go hand-in-hand:

*When MIA (Misfits in Action) was put together, Vince Russo assigned those involved military rank: General Rection, Lt. Loco, Corporal Cajun, etc. When the former Van Hammer was named Private Stash, he complained, feeling he deserved higher rank because of his talent and tenure in the business. I’m not making that up. So Private Stash became Major Stash, diminishing the joke but who cares? The whole thing sucked anyway. Tylene Buck was supposed to be Torpedo Girl, after the KISS song, but was instead christened Major Gunns.

*Van Hammer was the subject of a long-running backstage joke during my WCW days. DDMe was a big proponent of Van Hammer when both arrived in WCW in the early ‘90s. It was easy to spot RIGHT AWAY that Van Hammer was REAL BAD, but DDMe still put him over. Once, in a crowded car, DDMe said, “Boys, there’s a new man in town. He’s got the look, the size, the rap…I smell money! VAN HAMMER!” Dead silence in the car until Brian Pillman spits out (in that low, glass-gargling voice) “JESUS CHRIST!” and starts cackling, evoking laughter that becomes contagious until the entire vehicle is consumed by it.

Kevin Nash (Vinnie Vegas then) was in that car, and when he returned to WCW to found the nWo in 1996, he beat that phrase TO DEATH. No matter the situation, Nash always found a way to conclude, “He’s got the look, the size, the rap…I smell money!”  Then Scott Hall started saying it. Then I started saying it. Then, on WCW LIVE, the company’s Internet real audio program, EVERYBODY started saying it, sometimes in unison.

That’s when we weren’t watching Jeremy Borash’s “gag reflex” videos, that is.

Then Konnan said, “Let me speak on this.” Brave new world.

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