Its Christmas (Oh, you didn’>t know?)
So what better time than the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ to wish smart-assed gifts on professional wrestlers? None! So here we go:
JBL: Future endeavors for which he is wished well. (…and a banner sales year for YoMamaDon’tWantYa Juice.)
Mickey Rourke: An Oscar (not just a nomination) for "The Wrestler." Trust me, you have to see this movie if you have any, ANY, desire to become a professional wrestler. Should be required viewing at every "wrestling school" operating in this nation. His performance will break your heart and the ending will leave you with a lump in your throat that even Missy Hyatt could appreciate.
Vince McMahon: Another brilliant idea like giving away $1 million. But, then again, he proved that was ahead the curve by doing in August what the rest of the country did two months later (only without the unreliable phone service).
Jeff Jarrett: A bigger fish. Love him or hate him, seven years on Jeff and TNA have endured and developed a core audience that is loyal regardless of the booking roller coaster. They are on to something in Orlando and someway, somehow, they have to get the word out. Cross promotion on Spike TV would help. Having D-list athletes show up at ringside (or worse – in the ring) is not helping.
Scott Hall: Sobriety. In every way humanly possible, I wish for Scott to clean up his act, stop consuming alcoholic beverages forever, and become fabulously wealthy guy on the indy circuit. I also want a unicorn.
John Cena: Credit for actually being a damn good wrestler. I’ll admit it took a while for me to warm up to him (and it was only after he shed the incredibly stupid freestylin’ Marky Mark persona) but he’s good. Oh, I CAN see him now.
Mr. Kennedy: A break. Sweet Jesus (happy birthday, by the way), when your movie "premieres on DVD," you have sunk to the Jeff Speakman Level of Movie Stardom. For some reason, Kennedy found himself in the British Bulldoghouse of the WWE (wellness violations not withstanding – anyone heard of Randy Orton?).
Christian Cage: The grapes to stay in TNA. He has been excellent in his role this year (at times being the focal point of entire promotion, it seemed) but has vanished with rumors afoot he is bound for the WWE…where he will no doubt be repackaged as "The Guitar Hero" Chris Cage or "Christian: The Darke Night" or some other such BS.
Joey Styles: Eyes in the back of his head. Make no mistake about it, despite the smiling face that JBL puts forth on the Muscle and Body magazine cover (hey, who wouldn’t smile if you got to grope Torrie Wilson?), he is bent on revenge. While we all love to hear Joey scream, "Oh My God!," JBL just wants to hear him scream. Be careful, Joe. Lets do it to him before he does it to us.
Wrestlezone no doubt will be undergoing some changes in the upcoming year. For Wrestlezone fans my wish is for you to tell 10 other people about the best wrestling news and commentary site on this series of tubes we call the internets.
Merry Happy RamaChristmaHanuKwanzmas everyone.