Offbeat Shenanigans #5 – Spoiling the Heck Out of TNA’s Genesis

Kevin McElvaney

Hey there, Shenanigans readers. If man is the father of the son is the center of the earth, in the middle of the universe…then why is this verse coming six times rehearsed? Donâ<80><99>t freestyle much, but I write â<80>~em like such.

I mean, itâ<80><99>s good to be here for another edition of Offbeat Shenanigans. I was just watching an excellent Japanese match between Amazing (Awesome) Kong and Nattie Neidhart. I guess nobody told them that theyâ<80><99>re inferior to male wrestlers, so, if you see them, let them know to lay off the high spots.

This weekâ<80><99>s column starts…now.

â<80><9c>Spoiling the Heck Out of TNAâ<80><99>s Genesisâ<80>

Okay, so the other day I was sitting around, in all likelihood, Googling my own name. (See that, collegiate track star, Kevin McElvaney? Iâ<80><99>ve finally pulled ahead of you in the Google rankings!) I was also thinking about the current state of TNA, which is Florida. Had enough schtick yet? Yeah, me too. Anyway, I was pondering, specifically, the main event of the Genesis pay-per-view. Thereâ<80><99>s a lot of suspicion that Booker T will be in the main event tag match, where Sting picks his own partner.

At first, this seemed like an excellent observation. But then, I thought – â<80><9c>Nah.â<80> I have this strong gut feeling that Booker isnâ<80><99>t starting with TNA just yet. Of course, Iâ<80><99>ll probably end up being very wrong. I hope Iâ<80><99>m not, though, because Iâ<80><99>ve come up with a far more interesting turn of events for Genesis. So Iâ<80><99>m hoping that TNA plans to save the Booker debut for another day and time, as much as Iâ<80><99>ll enjoy it. Because my idea is just that interesting.

According to TNAâ<80><99>s mobile service, Stingâ<80><99>s partner is a former multi-time world champion – who wore the strap for every promotion where he wrestled. Now, correct me if Iâ<80><99>m wrong, but doesnâ<80><99>t that fit the description of a wrestler whoâ<80><99>s already in TNA? In fact, it does. And, no, Iâ<80><99>m not talking about Samoa Joe…although… No, my guess is quite a bit more outrageous than Joe. Ready for it? Okay, here it is. Stingâ<80><99>s tag partner is…Kevin Nash.

â<80><9c>But Kev, you handsome devil,â<80> you say. â<80><9c>Kevin Nash is already Kurt Angleâ<80><99>s partner.â<80> Exactly, loyal reader. Kevin Nash is Kurt Angleâ<80><99>s partner. And heâ<80><99>s also Stingâ<80><99>s partner. Why? Because this is a classic swerve. Kevin Nash fits all of the clues given about who the wrestler is. He doesnâ<80><99>t get along entirely with either Angle or Sting, but obviously has respect for both of them. Fans will tune in to see who Stingâ<80><99>s partner is, and theyâ<80><99>ll get a hard-fought triple threat between Sting, Angle, and Nash. The man who scores the fall wins the title. Get it??

Major creativity points here, as no one will be expecting Nash – except, of course, my readers, who have just become far less curious about Genesis. The problem with having Nash be each manâ<80><99>s partner is that, after the initial shock wears off, fans may feel a bit â<80><9c>cheatedâ<80> that there wasnâ<80><99>t an actual â<80><9c>partnerâ<80> for Sting. And, of course, Booker T will wonder why heâ<80><99>s backstage at the show, in full ring gear. But that doesnâ<80><99>t matter, readers, because those first few seconds of shock will be AMAZING.

Also, I have to say that a triple threat between Angle, Sting, and Nash really interests me. Personally, I feel this match could main event the next two pay-per-views without feeling stale. I also feel that the â<80><9c>first fall gets the titleâ<80> tag matches kind of cheapen the concept of a heavyweight title, anyway. Those stipulations are exactly what gave Vince McMahon and David Arquette their first respective world championships. Could this be how Mr. Arquette – currently reported to be in negotiations with TNA – wins his second? No. Like I said, itâ<80><99>s Nash.

So, there you have it. Kevin Nash is the partner of both Kurt Angle and Sting. TNA writers, Iâ<80><99>m sorry that Iâ<80><99>m tempting you to do some last minute rewrites, here. But, rest assured, Iâ<80><99>m free to help you with them, if youâ<80><99>re alright with working by email.

Readers, if the Nash & Angle vs. Nash & Sting match doesnâ<80><99>t take place at Genesis, itâ<80><99>s only because the TNA creative team is trying to swerve you and make me look bad. Or, you know, that Booker T is all set to make his TNA debut.

I do have another spoiler to report, though, and you can take this one to the bank. You read it here first on Shenanigans: it is all but confirmed that Don West will get very, very excited several times during the Genesis broadcast. Shh! Donâ<80><99>t tell TNA I spoiled you.

Kevin is also a contributing writer for Pro Wrestling Illustrated and The Wrestler. Send questions, comments, and computerized sheet music for Rushâ<80><99>s album, 2112, to

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