I mean, itâ<80><99>s good to be here for another edition of Offbeat Shenanigans. I was just watching an excellent Japanese match between Amazing (Awesome) Kong and Nattie Neidhart. I guess nobody told them that theyâ<80><99>re inferior to male wrestlers, so, if you see them, let them know to lay off the high spots.
This weekâ<80><99>s column starts…now.
â<80><9c>Spoiling the Heck Out of TNAâ<80><99>s Genesisâ<80>
Okay, so the other day I was sitting around, in all likelihood, Googling my own name. (See that, collegiate track star, Kevin McElvaney? Iâ<80><99>ve finally pulled ahead of you in the Google rankings!) I was also thinking about the current state of TNA, which is Florida. Had enough schtick yet? Yeah, me too. Anyway, I was pondering, specifically, the main event of the Genesis pay-per-view. Thereâ<80><99>s a lot of suspicion that Booker T will be in the main event tag match, where Sting picks his own partner.
At first, this seemed like an excellent observation. But then, I thought – â<80><9c>Nah.â<80> I have this strong gut feeling that Booker isnâ<80><99>t starting with TNA just yet. Of course, Iâ<80><99>ll probably end up being very wrong. I hope Iâ<80><99>m not, though, because Iâ<80><99>ve come up with a far more interesting turn of events for Genesis. So Iâ<80><99>m hoping that TNA plans to save the Booker debut for another day and time, as much as Iâ<80><99>ll enjoy it. Because my idea is just that interesting.
According to TNAâ<80><99>s mobile service, Stingâ<80><99>s partner is a former multi-time world champion – who wore the strap for every promotion where he wrestled. Now, correct me if Iâ<80><99>m wrong, but doesnâ<80><99>t that fit the description of a wrestler whoâ<80><99>s already in TNA? In fact, it does. And, no, Iâ<80><99>m not talking about Samoa Joe…although… No, my guess is quite a bit more outrageous than Joe. Ready for it? Okay, here it is. Stingâ<80><99>s tag partner is…Kevin Nash.
â<80><9c>But Kev, you handsome devil,â<80> you say. â<80><9c>Kevin Nash is already Kurt Angleâ<80><99>s partner.â<80> Exactly, loyal reader. Kevin Nash is Kurt Angleâ<80><99>s partner. And heâ<80><99>s also Stingâ<80><99>s partner. Why? Because this is a classic swerve. Kevin Nash fits all of the clues given about who the wrestler is. He doesnâ<80><99>t get along entirely with either Angle or Sting, but obviously has respect for both of them. Fans will tune in to see who Stingâ<80><99>s partner is, and theyâ<80><99>ll get a hard-fought triple threat between Sting, Angle, and Nash. The man who scores the fall wins the title. Get it??
Major creativity points here, as no one will be expecting Nash – except, of course, my readers, who have just become far less curious about Genesis. The problem with having Nash be each manâ<80><99>s partner is that, after the initial shock wears off, fans may feel a bit â<80><9c>cheatedâ<80> that there wasnâ<80><99>t an actual â<80><9c>partnerâ<80> for Sting. And, of course, Booker T will wonder why heâ<80><99>s backstage at the show, in full ring gear. But that doesnâ<80><99>t matter, readers, because those first few seconds of shock will be AMAZING.
Also, I have to say that a triple threat between Angle, Sting, and Nash really interests me. Personally, I feel this match could main event the next two pay-per-views without feeling stale. I also feel that the â<80><9c>first fall gets the titleâ<80> tag matches kind of cheapen the concept of a heavyweight title, anyway. Those stipulations are exactly what gave Vince McMahon and David Arquette their first respective world championships. Could this be how Mr. Arquette – currently reported to be in negotiations with TNA – wins his second? No. Like I said, itâ<80><99>s Nash.
So, there you have it. Kevin Nash is the partner of both Kurt Angle and Sting. TNA writers, Iâ<80><99>m sorry that Iâ<80><99>m tempting you to do some last minute rewrites, here. But, rest assured, Iâ<80><99>m free to help you with them, if youâ<80><99>re alright with working by email.
Readers, if the Nash & Angle vs. Nash & Sting match doesnâ<80><99>t take place at Genesis, itâ<80><99>s only because the TNA creative team is trying to swerve you and make me look bad. Or, you know, that Booker T is all set to make his TNA debut.
I do have another spoiler to report, though, and you can take this one to the bank. You read it here first on Shenanigans: it is all but confirmed that Don West will get very, very excited several times during the Genesis broadcast. Shh! Donâ<80><99>t tell TNA I spoiled you.
Kevin is also a contributing writer for Pro Wrestling Illustrated and The Wrestler. Send questions, comments, and computerized sheet music for Rushâ<80><99>s album, 2112, to firstname.lastname@example.org