Can You Top This?; Overheard; Me & The Brain; Last Thoughts

Mark Madden

CAN YOU TOP THIS?

 

The C.M. Punk promo really has legs, though featuring it so prominently on this week’s Raw negated the shoot aspect – if you cut Punk’s mic last week, why did you replay it this week? – and, in the end, it became a typical wrestling angle: Cena gets fired if he loses. HO HUM.

 

Bruce Mitchell of PWTorch – the inspiration for the movie “Bad Teacher,” BTW – thinks the same angle could have/should have been done to greater effect with Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. He’s right, but I bet Lesnar and Heyman don’t ever again set foot in WWE.

 

Cena – the corporate champ – barging onto “live TV” to plead his foe’s case should have been enough to keep the angle going, and to maintain the same chaotic/shoot feel. But why would WWE replay Punk’s promo, especially when, at that moment, Punk was suspended and his match with Cena was off? You need consistency of presentation. You need logic.

 

That failure, ironically, further proved the content of Punk’s promo. Idiots and doofuses.

 

WWE doesn’t know how to do storylines anymore. They don’t build to big matches. They bring back a movie star. Or they lean on old standards, like Undertaker’s ‘Mania winning streak. Or they bring back a part-timer to invoke something that worked in the past.

 

Consider some of the dull story arcs lately: R. Truth’s feud with “Little Jimmy.” Racism so lame it doesn’t even OFFEND anyone. People praised Michael Cole’s heel turn, but did it draw? No, it just totally wrecked the announcing dynamic. EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME! And once again, it’s the Vincent Kennedy McMahon show.

 

As a result of Punk’s homophobic slur in Australia, BTW, he has to have sex with Tracy Morgan. Top/bottom negotiations are ongoing.

 

OVERHEARD…

 

Upon hearing Randy Orton proclaim, during an interview, than he could name 10 guys Kelly Kelly had slept with, a prominent wrestling personality said, “I bet Randy’s been with more guys than that during the same time period.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

 

Orton is semi-famous for – in front of some wrestling types – approaching three girls at a Hooters and saying, “Which one of you three is going to **** my ****?” Does WWE HR know about that?

 

 

ME & THE BRAIN

 

I’ve long been kind of sour with Bobby Heenan because, after I replaced him on Nitro, he made jokes to the wrestling media regarding my appearance: “Russo replaced me with Madden because he wanted more of an MTV look! HAW, HAW, HAW, HAW!”

 

Thing is, Vince Russo didn’t put me on TV. Bill Busch and Kevin Sullivan did. They did so because Bobby was often too impaired to work live. Had Bobby not lied and made light at my expense, that could have stayed secret. But that’s the truth. Everyone who was there knows.

 

But I’m glad to hear that Bobby’s health has recovered enough that he can appear at nostalgia shows. He’s a genuinely good guy, a lot of fun to be around, and was very friendly and encouraging toward me when we worked together. In retrospect, I don’t believe Bobby meant anything personal by his lampooning. I just think that with Bobby, anything’s fair game for a joke, whether true or false.

 

You don’t want to replace Bobby Heenan. You want to replace the guy that replaces Bobby Heenan. Bobby was the best ever, though his legs got cut off by the nWo invasion when his heel persona was muted. And even though he came to Atlanta to take the money, Bobby’s heart stayed in New York. He and Gene Okerlund openly looked down at WCW, and rarely brought their true ‘A’ games as a result.

 

That’s an easy thing to criticize, and you should do your best when it comes to your job. But you can’t change how you feel.

 

Best color guy, best manager, one of the best heels, period…Bobby Heenan is one of the men the wrestling business was built on. Genuinely funny, too. He doesn’t just read from a jokebook like Jim Cornette. The Brain was all about snappy, spontaneous ad-libs.

 

Bobby kidded me once about all the notes I’d jot on my script for Nitro. “Bobby, I HAVE to,” I said. “I’m not as quick as you.”

 

I genuinely liked almost everyone I worked with at WCW. Disagreeing with someone isn’t grounds for lifelong contempt. I have very fond memories of Bobby Heenan. If somebody thought I was one-tenth as good as him, I’d be honored.

 

Speaking of that old gang of mine, Sean Waltman’s recent video commentary regarding wrestling has been INTERESTING and OUTSTANDING. Kid’s always been a true student of the game – heck, he started when he was 11 – and when his head’s on straight, he can be a real asset when it comes to evaluating and improving talent.

 

And, for better or worse, Kid still looks like Tom Byron. HUMAN SEXIPEDE, REPRESENT!

 

LAST THOUGHTS…


*Are we allowed to say Zach Ryder sucks? He does. There’s NOTHING there. But super-serving the IWC has made Ryder a hot commodity…to the IWC. But there’s NOTHING there…you know it.

 

*Ex-WWE writers John Piermarini and Dave Lagana are all over the Internet trying to convince themselves they know what they’re talking about. But remember, when these two worked for WWE, VKM let them NOWHERE NEAR booking the stars. So if Piermarini and Lagana can provide any insight, it’s regarding mid-card dreck and little else.

 

*Impact’s feud pitting ugly girls against hot girls is mildly amusing. But it should be noted that even the ugly girls have huge, Mt. Everest-sized implants. Wrestling doesn’t matter…BIG BOOBS DO!

 

*Are babyfaces allowed to have friends?

 

Mark Madden hosts a radio show 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WXDX-FM, Pittsburgh, PA (105.9). Check out his web page at WXDX.com. Contact Mark by emailing WZMarkMadden@hotmail.com.

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