RANDOM RAW THOUGHTS
*Is anything worse than a show-long retirement tribute for a guy EVERYBODY KNOWS IS NOT RETIRING?
*Did even 5 percent of the WWE Universe (gag) know the names Jerry Lawler mentioned, or understand the concept of “Memphis”? That said, I popped when C.M. Punk started singing like Andy Kaufman: “I’m the king, I’m the king…”
*The anger management skits were horrifically amateur. They made Charlie Sheen’s crappy sitcom look like Twelfth Night starring Sir Laurence Olivier.
*Everything Lawler does, works. He knows the craft perfectly. That’s why they keep using him. Strap down? Fist drop? I popped. You know Punk did, too.
*Daniel Bryan came off as the sanest person at “anger management.” I agreed with everything he said to the doctor on the way out the door.
*For Punk to get booed in Chicago next week, he’ll have to piss on Mayor Daley’s grave.
*Kane doing comedy seems ill-advised. But he was the funniest part of those skits.
*Raw’s main purpose is to serve as a backdrop and conduit for social media. It’s absurdly overbearing. It’s total insanity…or maybe sheer genius.
*Heath Slater always entertains me.
*Santino’s arm = BIG GREEN PENIS. Now that it has a mind of its own, anyway.
*Nothing quite tops off a match featuring four guys nobody cares about like Josh Matthews on color, BRINGING THE BLAND.
*KIDS DANCING! PG FOREVER!
*Triple H comes to the ring. “YOU TAPPED OUT” sign. Go to another shot! “HBK WAS BETTER THAN YOU” sign. FIRE THE DIRECTOR!
*Lou Gehrig’s farewell speech was better. Earth to marks: HE’S NOT RETIRING!
*I expected Ryder vs. Otunga to end in a scoreless tie. ZERO vs. ZERO.
*The Cole/Kane announce team was hilarious: “Kane, I’m not sure if you’re into social media at all…” Best thing Kane could do was say nothing.
*Does Lawler always take his tights to the arena just in case?
*Lawler is SO GOOD. He sells looking at the cage. Who does that? AWESOME.
*Punk is SO GOOD. He sells Lawler’s initial punch BIG. Then Punk lands two kicks, a punch and a knee…and goes back to selling Lawler’s punch. AWESOME.
*Punk-Lawler made this a GOOD SHOW. But three hours is still WAY TOO LONG.
*Doesn't matter whether Lawler says it or not: Punk is truly THE BEST IN THE WORLD. The top all-around performer in the business.