Dixie Fiddles, TNA Burns

Nick Paglino

Impact WrestlingTNA’s Dixie Carter has outstripped her longstanding designation as fake wrestling’s No. 1 money mark.

She now reigns supreme as the single dumbest sumbitch to ever run a promotion.

TNA is slashing payroll because it can’t keep up with the cost ($600K per) of taking Impact on the road. Why not just take Impact off the road?

It was believed that taking Impact on the road would increase ratings. It hasn’t.

I defy anyone to give me ONE LOGICAL REASON why taking Impact on the road would move the needle even the slightest bit.

Doing live TV helps because you dodge internet spoilers. But anyone who would search the web for TNA spoilers is obsessed enough to watch Impact even if they know results. Anyway, TNA only goes live every other week.

So I ask again: give me ONE LOGICAL REASON why taking Impact on the road would increase ratings. You don’t get a unique look. You don’t generate additional buzz. Ditching the jaded, Taster’s Choice fans at Orlando’s Impact Zone is a plus. But a better live crowd has nothing to do with a bigger TV crowd.

Impact on the road has nothing to do with better ratings. ZERO. ZILCH. ZIP. NADA. As evidenced by the lack of better ratings.

Nothing can be done to increase Impact's ratings. The product is what it is, and marks have long since decided to watch it, or not.

Impact went on the road to emotionally service Hulk Hogan. (This is where I bash Hogan. I know, I’m so predictable.)

Take Impact places that haven’t seen Hogan in a while. He gets the huge nostalgia pop, and the idea of Hogan as TNA’s top guy – hogging TV time even though he can’t deliver a match, or a payoff – gets reinforced. LISTEN TO THOSE FANS!

Would Hogan really spend $600K per to get his ego massaged? To keep fooling Dixie Carter?

Sure, as long as it’s someone else’s money. If it’s Carter’s money, better yet. HAW, HAW, HAW!

If that notion seems ridiculous, counter it by telling me – How does taking Impact on the road generate better ratings? Why hasn’t it generated better ratings? If you can’t answer that, my theory stands.

TNA may not be long for this world. Dixie’s daddy didn’t mind pumping long green into his little girl’s vanity project.

But I hear Dixie’s mommy is growing weary. “DIXIE, YOU NEED TO QUIT FOOLING AROUND WITH THIS WRESTLING AND CONCENTRATE ON YOUR SCHOOLWORK! SIT UP STRAIGHT! EAT YOUR CARROTS!”

You’ve got to give Hogan credit. He’s a locust. He consumes everything, then moves on. I honestly believe Hogan is totally incapable of anything that doesn’t involve absolutely selfish thought. If you disagree, cite an example.

Hogan ended the concept of top guys passing the torch. The torch is Superglued to Hogan’s hands. It will have to be pried from his cold, dead fingers.

Congrats to Brooke Hogan on her engagement. Too bad it ruined the only way she could be interesting: Turning on her daddy to support “husband” Bully Ray.

How convenient.

TNA water-cooler talk says that one of the terminated voiced his opinion regarding Brooke’s engagement: “If she wasn’t going to follow through on the angle, why was she on TV in the first place? Why is she still on TV?”

Valid point. Did expressing it put the poor jerk on the unemployment line? It sure wouldn’t surprise me.

Brooke Hogan has a terrible look and is utterly talentless. For the sake of TNA, she should have kept her engagement secret and followed through with the angle. When Brooke didn’t, she should have been off TV.

Work interferes with personal lives all the time. Just ask Rock Hudson.

Congrats to Chris Sabin for winning the TNA world title. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE BURNING BUILDING. WE GOT A NEW CHAMP!

Follow Mark Madden on Twitter: @MarkMaddenX

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