Ain't But One Way Out
“There are two paths you can go by, but in the long run…there’s still time to change the road you’re on.”
Not now. Not anymore. With all due respect to Led Zeppelin, I defer to the Allman Brothers: Ain’t but one way out.
Three things absolutely must happen at WrestleMania 30:
*Undertaker must defeat Brock Lesnar to push his ‘Mania streak to 22-0.
*Daniel Bryan must defeat Triple H.
*Daniel Bryan must win the WWE title in the main event against Batista and Randy Orton.
If all three don’t happen, the show stinks. Doesn’t matter what else happens. Those three things are what the fans paid to see. WrestleMania is about conclusions, and sending the fans home happy.
Nobody wants to see Lesnar beat Undertaker. No good comes from it. The concept of “passing the torch” died when nobody would pass it. Anyway, Lesnar doesn’t want it. As long as Mark Calaway has the inclination to show up at WrestleMania, he should win. This year, and every year. ‘Taker winning is part of ‘Mania. F being surprised.
How much longer should ‘Taker show up at ‘Mania? That’s a different debate. Calaway doesn’t look the part. Not really. Not anymore.
Bryan must beat Triple H. Triple H, Batista and Orton in the WrestleMania main event is so 10 years ago. No babyface, either.
Triple H can batter Bryan. But Bryan needs to win clean, and needs to do so by outsmarting Triple H. That’s partly what this feud is about: Brains vs. brawn. It’s against WWE’s grain to put brains over, but this match must be an exception.
Bryan must win the WWE title. The Superdome erupts in an orgasm of YES! That’s the ending WWE should want. That goes mainstream. Bryan can come to the ring looking like the “Spirit of ‘76” poster. Head bandaged, blood dripping, limping noticeably: Make the beating he absorbed from Triple H very evident. That’s good. It makes the story better. It makes Bryan a bigger underdog.
Bryan can pin Batista. That sets up a very meaningful title defense against Orton, who will have “never lost the championship.” But Bryan has to win the title. Batista isn’t over. Orton’s luster has faded. The Superdome will be PISSED if Bryan doesn’t win. Not heel heat, either. “F YOU” heat. Bad heat. WWE should want to avoid the negative just as much as it wants to present the positive.
I don’t care what WWE does the next night, or next week, or next month, or next WrestleMania. But ‘Taker and Bryan absolutely must win this Sunday.
All the geeky armchair bookers out there are taxing their economy-sized brains to come up with alternatives they find “interesting.” But sometimes there are no alternatives. Any ideas contrary to ‘Taker and Bryan winning are WRONG. It’s not a matter of opinion. It’s a matter of what is (ahem) BEST FOR BUSINESS.
One more thing absolutely must happen at WrestleMania 30:
*The server for the WWE Network can’t collapse. If it does…
*The next time C.M. Punk wrestles, don’t be surprised when it’s for Ring of Honor. Punk still loves wrestling. He just hates working for WWE.
*Punk can sign autographs at Wizard World for the next 20 years. He’s got money, and will earn more. He’s engaged to A.J. Lee. Life goes on.
*If Jeff Jarrett gets a decent TV slot, he can make his promotion work. He knows how to run a profitable promotion on a shoestring. It’s in his blood. Jarrett won’t use big names, perceived or legit. Too costly. There are plenty of marks out there willing to work cheap just to get on TV. More than ever, in fact.
*Is there anything on TNA TV even remotely worth talking about?
*Don’t be surprised when Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena steals the show at ‘Mania. Wyatt is a fantastic, interesting heel.
Follow Mark on Twitter: @MarkMaddenX
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