WWE RAW Results
WWE RAW Opener:
This week’s interesting RAW starts with HHH coming out to the ring in wrestling gear, a HHH t-shirt and ball cap. King and Cole announced the count of the people in the arena twice and talked about selling out, all before HHH spit his water – pushing it to TNA a little? HHH take a lot of time with his entrance, even more than usual. “Triple H” chants. He tells them not to suck up to him because he’s the only guy here. In case you’ve been living in a cave and haven’t seen the news, a giant volcano erupted, twice. It really freaked out the world. Travel is screwed up all over the world. In the WWE they’re used to giant gaseous eruptions, but it’s usually Big Show and Mexican food. A volcano did erupt and the entire RAW roster is in Europe. They’re thinking they have to watch HHH wrestle a two hour Iron Man Match with Frank the audio guy. Since he wasn’t on this tour, they – the mysterious them – have been working hard to make sure there’s a great show. He’s there tonight and will be in Baltimore when he faces Sheamus in a Street fight. That’s right, if that pasty faced tea bag makes it back from where they are, he’ll beat Sheamus any color… other than white. Sheamus thinks he made an impression by hitting Kofi over the head with a monitor. If Sheamus’ bad, HHH is deadly. It’s been a long time since he’s wanted to dole out a beating like this.
HHH is cut off by Punk, Gallows and Serena came around the corner, looking a bit timid and out of their own show, but then down to the ring getting back to themselves. Punk says fortunately for this show the SD! crew had the intestinal fortitude to make it back to friendly shores. Unfortunately they’re in New Jersey. Punk says he has two words for ya, Jersey sucks! He’s out there to let everyone know that next week he might not be part of the SD! crew. He might be a part of RAW and will bring the Straight Edge Society with him. HHH says he’s bringing the entire Straight Edge Society with him? Punk mean like, both of them? There’s only two right? And why do they have to shave their heads and Punk doesn’t? HHH’s seen him without his shirt and he has the entire mohair sweater going on there. Did she have to shave her chest? Punk says the reason he doesn’t have to shave his head and HBK. Punk’s the leader. No foreign chemicals have touched his hair. HHH said foreign chemicals like shampoo and soap, right? HHH says it won’t make a difference anyway. He’s pacing Rey in a hair match. Next week Punk won’t only be the president of the hair club for men, but also a client. Punk says HHH actually thinks Rey will beat him? He’ll crush Rey’s spirit and everyone will discover Straight Edge is the most powerful on the planet. HHH could let Straight Edge into his heart and make many lives better, including his own. “You suck” chants. HHH says he makes a great point, but the fans do too. They’ve had this conversation before. HHH believes in freedom. Like all the fans chose to be here, they chose to be part of the WWE Universe, they decide to go crazy. HHH goes to the front row and say this guy can drink all the beer they want as long as he has a ride home, he can do this. If these two guys want to drive to another state and celebrate their union, maybe even adopt a kid, they can do it. The two guys laughed lightly at the joke. Then HHH went over to Lillian! Lillian’s there!!! If Lillian wants to come back for one night just to horse around, she can do it. HHH makes horse noises into the mic. That’s the beauty of a free country, people can do as they choose.
He turns his hat around. If he wants to beat the heck out of Punk, he can! Punk says no one wants to be there right now. RAW’s stuck in Europe, they’re stuck in Jersey. Punk thought he’d see the light, want to start of Monday night with something huge. That HHH would shave his head, but there’s been a miscommunication, he’s not asking HHH, he’s telling him. They attack HHH and he does well at first, but the numbers got ahead of him. Gallows grabbed HHH and Punk kicked him. Even Serena hit HHH. Gallows grabbed a chair and set it up. Serena grabbed the clippers, but Rey came out. Rey took out Punk, then Gallows. Rey and HHH both hit Gallows and clotheslined him out. Rey with the clippers and Punk cornered between Rey and HHH. Punk up and turns to HHH and gets punched down. Rey took a good chunk of hair off the top of Punk’s head – about 4+ inches right in the front – before Gallows made the save. They all backed up the ramp while Punk freaked out holding his head. Video of Punk losing some hair at the hands of Rey. HHH paces in the ring while Rey holds the clippers and grins maniacally!
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