Feature: S. Anderson’s Do You Care Whatever Ever Happened To…

WrestleZone


In reading The WZ this morning, I saw that the Georgia Raw had its usual slate of “visitors.” Let’s just say the dressing rooms are not infused with “star power.”

Three names caught my eye. Whenever I run across a name of a wrestler that I have since forgotten, I always go to the old reliable Wikipedia. So, as a public service to the readers of The WZ, I looked up the info and will disseminate it with a dash of opinion and a touch of my ever-famous humor. I will answer the age-old questionĂ¢<80>¦

“What the f*%k happened to these guys?”

Ranger Ross

Remember this guy? He showed up in WCW with the legit gimmick of being a former U.S. Ranger. I can still hear Gary Michael Cappetta announcing him. He debuted at Clash of the Champions VI where he beat the Iron Sheik by DQ. By Clash VIII, he was jobbing to Stiff Vicious. Let’s just say he had trouble breaking that glass floor that was WCW’s mid-card roster.

The Wikipedia entry on “Retirement and Armed Robbery” sure got my attention. After leaving WCW in 1991, he became a probation officer. Like losses in the ring, irony was no stranger to Ross. He embarked on a career as the “Motorcycle Bandit,” a more effective gimmick where he robbed several banks in Acworth, Georgia. Which begs the question, “There are SEVERAL banks in Ackworth, Georgia?”

Not content with that persona, Ross was also accused of attempting to set fire to the Acworth city clerk’s office (very few wrestlers seem to be skilled in handling the flash paper) and he embezzled funds from the city.

After a few years in the indy circuit, he is now retired.

Erik Watts

Never has there been a more underwhelming career as that of Erik Watts. Three months into his wrestling career, Daddy Bill brought him to WCW and pushed him down the fans’ throats, stomachs, small intestines, and large intestines.

In ’95, Bill went to the WWF and his son followed. While the senior Watts wasn’t around long, Erik (now Troy) teamed with Chad Fortune (now Travis) to form Tekno Team 2000. They debuted by beating the Brooklyn Brawler and Barry Horowitz on WWF Superstars of Wrestling. And that was the high point. After lengthy time off TV, they were finally released in 1996.

Watts went on to have a cup of non-nepotism coffee in ECW and a longer stint in TNA. According to Wiki, Watts beat Diamond Dallas Page for the International Heavyweight Championship as recognized by Dale GagneR’s version/abomination of the AWA. Watts won the belt and was hopefully paid in cash, but the title was soon retired by the “Board of Directors.”

Alan Funk

I’ll be honest. Never a fan of him. In fact, he is the only wrestler I can think of whose every gimmick was worse than the prior one. Kwee-Wee was an embarrassment. Why promotions periodically go to the “Gorgeous George” well is beyond me. That was a moment that changed wrestling history, yet some think it can be replicated. Then Kwee-Wee developed an alter-ego called “Angry Alan.” You know, as in, “Mr. McGee, don’t make me angry. I’ll still job to others and continue to get no heat when I’m angry.”

Oh, and let’s not forget “The Funkster” in World Wrestling All-Stars. Sheesh.

In TNA, he was Bruce and formed the Rainbow Express with Lenny Lane. He also won the Miss TNA Championship.

Don’t all sigh at once.

There you have it. If you are wondering WTF happened to your favorite wrestlers, LOOK IT UP YOURSELF! I can’t do everything for you. Why are you so needy?

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