To Vince McMahon. Happy 63rd b-day, Vinnie Mac. Now, while I forgot about you yesterday, I am trying to make up for it by getting you a few extra presents.
A Lighter Schedule
Come on, Vince. Youâ<80><99>re 63. You should be enjoying the twilight years and truly taking advantage of that senior discount. The kids are running a great deal of the show. Seasoned executives are holding down the fort at WWE HQ. Enjoy life. Get a little more sleep and turn that cell phone off. Let your hair down. Oh, and speaking of thatâ<80>¦
Your Old Hairstyle
Youâ<80><99>re 63, Vince, and you still boast a full head of hair. But since you were shaved by â<80><9c>The Donaldâ<80> (ok, that sounds dirty), your â<80>~do has never been the same. It looks like you walked into the local Fantastic Samâ<80><99>s clutching a coupon for the $9.99 special. I want the pompadoured Vince McMahon back. Gives you more swagger in that strange gait you have.
One More Wrestlemania Match
I gotta admit. I miss the â<80><9c>Vince Versusâ<80> matches at the annual big show. Vince vs. Hogan. Vince vs. Michaels. While no one will claim that you are the most skilled wrestler in the world, you never failed to entertain. And you never failed to put over your opponent in a big way. What you lacked in wrestling ability, you made up for in drama leading up to the match and during the bout. And the revenge taken after a bitter defeat? Great TV.
Not the company, but the name. In an earlier column, I lamented the editing of DVDs to remove WWF from WWEâ<80><99>s lexicon. Technology can only mask it so much. Admit it, Vince. You miss the WWF name. No matter how much you want to make your company more than just a rasslinâ<80><99> promotion, the action in the ring is your bread and butter. Make all the movies you want. Open up all the new divisions you need to. Besides, WWE still seems awkward to say and weird to hear.
TNA Competing on a Level Playing Field with You
Despite the naysayers saying nay, TNA continues to grow. But, they still have a few miles to go before their name easily trips over the tongue of the mainstream wrestling fan. It has been said so many times before. You were best when you had WCW kicking your ass up one side and down the other. Made you hungry. Made you take chances. Made you gird your loins for battle.
Another â<80><9c>Rock and Wrestling/Attitudeâ<80> Era
We all want to see that. Longtime fans who suffer through the lower ratings and buy rates. Not to mention, those who make a few bucks from the biz. There was nothing more fun than to see all the â<80><9c>Johnny-Come-Lateliesâ<80> who suddenly discovered the cool-ness and hip-ness of pro wrestling. Letâ<80><99>s get that back. Find that breakout star. Script that over-the-top angle that gets the attention of the mainstream.
In the meantime, get some rest! And seriouslyâ<80>¦that hair?