JEFF HARDY v UMAGA
These two have a history. Mainly involving the IC title although Hardy beat Umaga just one week ago on Raw. For those interested I’m rooting for Umaga here. He opens up on Jeff early with strikes but Jeff comes back with a low dropkick for 1. Odd how he slapped his hands about 3 seconds before hitting the move. He runs into a Samoan Drop (he IS Samoan, everything is ok). Nerve hold. Umaga ties Jeff in the tree of woe for his running headbutt. He misses off the ropes allowing Hardy to recover. Umaga avoids the Twist of Fate and sidesteps the Whisper in the Wind, which he got into really quickly. ASSALANCHE is avoided. Jeff fires up with punches and gets his corner dropkick. Umaga catches Jeff but gets mule kicked out of the ring and Jeff follows with a slingshot plancha. Jeff starts dodging stuff but RAIL RUNS INTO THE WIND UP URINAGE ON THE FLOOR! YUS! The ref counts both guys out though and we’re over.
Winner: double count out. **1/2. Well that was a lot of fun with a crazy spot to finish. I love it when Umaga just grabs these lighter guys and throws them around like garbage.
BACKSTAGE Chris Jericho & Dave Batista have a chat. Dave says he’d better not get in his way because he has issues with Shawn Michaels. He says Jericho got beaten up last night and is in no fit state to compete. Jericho retorts by saying he’d rather take out his frustrations on Dave.
PROMO TIME â<80>” King William the Regal. He shills the One Night Stand PPV in 2 weeks consisting entirely of hardcore matches. He books Hardy v Umaga in a falls count anywhere match for that show. He introduces JBL & Randy Orton. He books them against HHH & John Cena in a tag match tonight. If they win they get to pick their matches for One Night Stand. But if Cena & HHH’s win they face each other in a match of Regal’s choosing. Out comes MR KENNEDY to interject. Regal reminds him that interupting him has severe consequences. Kennedy has a question; he wants a match against Regal tonight. Regal says Kennedy isn’t his equal. He’s a commoner. The next person to interupt Regal will get fired on the spot. Cue VINCE MCMAHON. Kennedy points out Regal now has to fire Mr McMahon. Vince tells him to shut up. Vince says they’ve received a lot of viewer complaints and how that’s effecting the lack of money. His money. Vince has the highest rated show on cable but the ratings drop when Regal is on the air. Vince thinks the audience wants Regal gone but Regal wants Kennedy gone. So tonight they’re wrestling each other and the loser is GONE. As in FIIIIIIRED.
CLIPS â<80>” Beth’s superb double backbreaker on Melina & Mickie at the PPV. Melina Perez comes out here to join the commentary. She make a point of doing her splits on the desk.
BETH PHOENIX v MARIA KANELLIS
Melina calls Beth crazy for holding up an invisible title on the way out here. Melina does a split on the announce table on the way in. This was HOT. We also have two exclusive 100% uncensored no pics of Melina from a Spring Break 2007 party last year at the link at the very bottom of this report. She is absolutely stunning when nuude! Pics below for those interested. You must be 18+ though. 🙂 Maria tries for an early waistlock but Beth overpowers. Press drop from Beth. She had a big old handful of Maria there. Melina is quasi-babyface on commentary here. Beth meanwhile keeps staring at her between hurting Maria. This gives Maria an opening and she hits a bulldog for 2. Cheeky rollup gets 2. Beth takes back over and hits a wheelbarrow bomb landing Maria on her face and holds on lifting her up into a submission. Wheelbarrow hold, I guess you’d call that.
Winner: Beth Phoenix via submission. Pretty much a squash.
POST MATCH Melina blindsides Beth to a HUGE pop before Beth slams her on the ramp. “Let them fight” chants Kansas. Melina stays down holding her lower back while Beth smiles as she walks off.
CLIPS â<80>” Jimmy Kimmel. Roddy Piper was on the show. Santino Marella showed up to wreck it. Roddy shouts “Betty Ford” and asks him if he has a designated driver. Santino bitchslaps Jimmy’s brother so Piper gives him one back and Santino gets a cake in the face for his troubles.
BACKSTAGE Mickie chats to Katie Lea who believes she’ll be women’s champion soon and she’ll be classier. Katie accuses her of sleeping her way to the top. Katie suggests she’d better get in line because there are a lot of prettier girls ahead of her.
ELSEWHERE Shawn Michaels goes to see William Regal. He wishes Regal luck in his match tonight. Regal reminds him that HBK has a match at One Night Stand and makes it a stretcher match against either Jericho or Batista depending on who winsâ<80>¦NEXT!
CLIPS â<80>” GI Film Festival. A festival for films celebrating the military. WWE got an award for supporting the troops. It was the Corporate Patriot Award and Ric Flair went to accept it on behalf of the WWE.
CHRIS JERICHO v DAVE BATISTA
Winner gets Shawn Michaels at One Night Stand in a stretcher match. JR suggests that Jericho is at a disadvantage because he wrestled last night and Dave didn’t. Jericho starts aggressively with striking and the crowd is supportive of his efforts. Dave swats him aside with his powerful upper body. Dave takes over with striking and sticks his boot in Jericho’s neck. Jericho â<80>~blows out his knee’. Dave doesn’t believe it at all but Jericho bails to really sell it. We go to an ad break without finding out if Jericho is faking or not. But you’ll notice the crowd is jeering. They don’t believe Jericho is hurt at all. We return with Dave working him over in the corner. Jericho is still hobbling on that bad wheel. Dave continues to not buy the injury. Jericho catches Dave charging and he falls outside and now he’s got an injured knee. And Jericho looks confused. Haha, brilliant. Lawler points out that Dave’s was more realistic so Jericho goes after the knee. He takes it apart, clips it and hooks a leglock. Lawler points out how Jericho’s own knee has shown miraculous improvement. Jericho is being ruthless with that leg aiming kicking at the hamstring and knee area. Jericho charges but Dave kicks him right in the jaw. He drops afterwards though because his bad leg couldn’t support the weight. Jericho goes back to the knee but gets caught in a spinebuster. Dave wants his powerbomb but Jericho pounds the knee and hooks a half crab on the bad leg. He’s sat right down on it but he’s not cranking the injured body part and not applying much pressure. The result is a somewhat apathetic crowd. Dave gets the ropes and then the crowd pop because the hold is over and the match continues. Jericho clips the knee again but the Lionsault misses. Dave wants the powerbomb again but Jericho grabs the ropes to block and kicks the knee through the ropes. Jericho up top but Dave sees him coming and meets him with a clothesline. They didn’t quite get the timing right on that. Crowd is way behind Y2J here chanting his name. Dave charges but misses and runs into the post. Jericho wants the Codebreaker but Dave catches him and boosts him into the powerbomb. Dave gets the pin.
Winner: Dave Batista via pinfall. **3/4. They were aiming for epic but thanks to Dave’s timing issues and Jericho’s looseness it didn’t quite get there. Still a good little matchup for free TV though.
POST MATCH out comes Shawn Michaels. Dave looks suitably angry.
BACKSTAGE William Regal wants a word with Vince McMahon. Vince points out Regal can beat Kennedy. TED DIBIASE interupts. Vince kicks Regal out of his own office to have a private conversation with Ted about money.
“Roddy Piper” is actually Santino Marella doing a pretty accurate impression complete with a pillow up his shirt to simulate Piper’s gut. He’s got the mannerisms down. “Look at me, I’m Rodney the Piper. I defeated a fat transvestite at Wrestlemania 3”. Hahaha. We get the Jimmy Kimmel clip again. I missed Marella’s Mr T shirt the first time around. Marella makes fun of Kimmel for humping Ben Affleck and invites out his guestâ<80>¦cousin Sal (Jimmy Kimmel’s cousin Sal to be precise). Santino asks him what he liked about Rodney the Piper calling Roddy a failure and a cross-dresser. Sal points out Marella never backs up what he says. “You said you’d beat up Steve Austin”. “It was a draw”. Sal says Maria told him Santino was “hung like a 4th grader”. “DAMN” â<80>” Ron Simmons. “4th graders nowadays are maturing very quickly” â<80>” Santino. He wants an apology or he’ll throw a cake at Cousin Sal’s face. This brings out RODDY PIPER! He sneaks in on the blindside and admires Santino’s attire while Sal shoves the cake in Santino’s face. Santino makes a point of touching up Lilian Garcia as he falls out of the ring. He demands a match with Cousin Sal. “You are so big trouble”. Roddy accepts on his behalf.
Loser is fired â<80>” MR KENNEDY v WILLIAM REGAL
Kennedy gets the mic to say there’ll be no more crumpets, no more fish and chips and no more pompous windbag after he beats Regal in this next contestâ<80>¦KENNEDY! Regal gets the upper hand from the lock up but Kennedy comes back making it a slugfest. Kennedy gets a backdrop for 2. Regal bails and sweeps Kennedy’s legs on the apron. Back inside Regal throws knees to slow Kennedy down. Regal gets a suplex for 2 before grounding Kennedy with an armlock/chinlock combo. Regal nonchelantly knees Kennedy in the head a few more times. We get another energetic brawl. Kennedy misses with one kick but uses the momentum to carry through into a Hurricane Kick of sorts. Regal has the mic though. He reminds us he’s still GM so he’s making this match no DQ. He gets brass knuckles from ringside. Kennedy kicks him in the balls though and hits the MIC CHECK for the pin.
Winner: Mr Kennedy via pinfall. *1/2. Some of the brawling was energetic but I’ll reserve judgment on the angle for when it starts to make sense.
Backstage William Regal is trying to get into his office, the door finally opens and out comes Theodore Long! Big pop from the crowd!
Todd Grisham interviews WWE Champion Triple H, he questions if JBL and Orton have the advantage tonight as Trips and Cena arenâ<80><99>t the best of friends. Triple H points out Orton and JBL arenâ<80><99>t going on lunch dates either! He says himself and Cena have the advantage as they both won last night, he also says is makes no difference who he faces at One Night Stand, he will still be victorious.
Extreme One Night Stand Implications â<80>” JBL & Randy Orton vs. John Cena & WWE Champion Triple H
Cena and Orton are the legal men, crowd are into the match. Both tag in their fresh partners, Trips hits a facebuster and neckbreaker on JBL. Trips hits a spinebuster and sends Orton flying out of the ring. Trips tags Cena, Cena locks in the STFU on JBL. Orton and Trips fight on the outside and then back in again, Orton goes to punt Tripe H but he moves and Orton kicks Cena. Orton and Trips continue fighting while JBL covers Cena for the win. JBL and Orton continue the attack on Cena and Triple H. Orton hits the RKO on Triple H. JBL then announces he will face Cena in a First Blood Match and Orton announces he will face Triple H for the WWE Championship in a Last Man Standing Match. JBL and Orton stand over their opponents as Raw goes off air.
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