Cash Reviews TNA Impact (5/8/08): “The Go Home To Sacrifice”

Chris Cash


DISCLAIMER: Excuse the occasional errors where apostrophe’s are listed below. I will try to fix this by the next review. However, I wasn’t going to try and change every time I used apostrophe’s; it would take too much time.

What’s up wrestling fans. This is Chris Cash with WrestleZone.com bringing you my thoughts on TNA Impact from May 8th, 2008. Please realize that although I will be outlining and highlighting most of what takes place on the show, this is an opinionated review and â<80><9c>notâ<80> supposed to be your main source for finding out every little detail of what takes place. If that’s okay, I hope you enjoy my take on this week’s show. Additionally, I strongly encourage you to send your feedback to WZChrisCash@yahoo.com.

Angle/Steiner versus Joe/Nash tonight ��” yay!

The show opens with Jim Cornette stating he’s going to clear up some issues regarding the Deuces Wild tag team tournament set for this Sunday’s Sacrifice. Quite frankly, I’m ecstatic about this due to the fact that I â<80><9c>stillâ<80> have no clue what the hell is supposed to happen in this match. Cornette invites the â<80><9c>Egotistical Eightâ<80> out and explains that due to everyone (aside from Sting) involved in the match bugging him about who their partner would be, he is going to announce two of the teams tonight and the other two this Sunday at Sacrifice. Coincidentally, Sting’s name is drawn first. His partner? Oh, but of course, James Storm.

CC Thought: It’s funny how the envelopes that consists of the eight names are so perfectly placed in the little fishbowl that Cornette (and then Sting) drew from; it makes me think that this thing isn’t a random draw. I know that’s not the case because they would never do that, but I’m curious to whether anyone else noticed that. On a serious note, it should be predetermined and I understand that logic, but quit doing close-ups on the damn bowl!

After a confrontation between Sting & Storm (actually does sound like a cool tag team name) takes place, Cornette announces a â<80><9c>No Disqualificationâ<80> match between the two. I’m actually really looking forward to that. And now, to the back where Jeremy awaits a limo to drive up so he can get word with Scott Steiner. Luckily, Steiner was in the very first limo.

Steiner doesn’t have long to talk, however, as Kurt Angle interrupts quickly to explain how the two of them should destroy Samoa Joe before Sacrifice so they can have a single’s match at the pay per view. Steiner agrees to the deal

Curry Man vs Jimmy Rave vs Consequences Creed vs Johnny Devine vs Sharkboy vs Petey Williams

This is booked as an non-title exhibition match and reminds me of why I honestly got hooked on TNA from their very beginning ��” the X-Division. If TNA’s plan was to make this division more colorful ��” literally ��” then they succeeded; you’ve got some crazy, bright apparel between the six of these members. I actually really like Consequences Creed ��” he’s a big man in a small division and looks good to me. You come to expect it by now in these types of matches, but I love it when they do finisher after finisher showing all the unique moves these guys have to offer. A cool spot with Petey Williams, Curry Man, and Jimmy Rave that unfortunately resulted in Petey’s injury to his orbital bone. Curry Man dodges losing by Hemme’s distraction, but then Hoyt’s distraction cost him the match to…..Jimmy Rave?

WINNER: Jimmy Rave

CC Thought: I remember talking with Glenn Gilbertti about how bad R&R was and he tried explaining to me why they would actually win the occasional match although they would technically be considered â<80><9c>jobbersâ<80> or â<80><9c>enhancementâ<80> talent. It never ceases to amaze me how TNA could â<80><9c>wasteâ<80> (yes, I called it waste) a win EVER on someone that the fans are never going to take seriously in a major role. I’m glad you gave them a character, albeit a horrible one, but this just ruined a perfectly fine match otherwise due to a non-important â<80><9c>characterâ<80> winning it.

Interesting promo package for LAX focusing on them trying to make it back to the top of the Tag Team Division. I say â<80><9c>interestingâ<80> because although the production quality made me seasick and Hector Guerrero simply isn’t Konnan to me, I love LAX and hope TNA takes this push seriously and follows through with it. I expect one of the thrown-together tag teams to win the match at Sacrifice, unfortunately, but how big would it be for LAX to surprise everyone by taking it this Sunday? They deserve it and despite being practically nonexistent in recent months, they are still very over with the fans.

Back to the back with Jim Cornette and the yackety-yak-yak bunch of women that TNA creative are now trying to make look as stupid as possible all at once (I think it’s sexism because the women are more over than the men ��” Konnan should take this and use it in his lawsuit case against them). Nevertheless, they are having a â<80><9c>Hoe on a Pole matchâ<80> or something like that (hey ��” Cornette made a joke like that…why can’t I?) where barber shears are going to be placed on top of this pole. The winner wins immunity from having her head shaved at Sacrifice. I’m so sick of these damn gimmick matches (see Random Thoughts below for more)!

The Weird Gimmicky Knockout Match

Tons of action with most of the women being able to get some decent spots in. I really love the â<80><9c>Beautiful Peopleâ<80> – they do very well in that role and draw good heat. I tried counting how many times Tracy Brooks started to climb the pole to grab the shears only to be cut off by one of the other participants…I literally lost count after 17 or something like that. Very cool spot with a tower of suplexes in the corner with Christy Hemme on very top, ODB and Gail Kim in the middle, and the â<80><9c>Beautiful Peopleâ<80> on bottom. ODB takes out Jacqueline and while she celebrates, Gail Kim takes the shears and the win. For those of you wanting to see Gail bald, sorry.

WINNER: Gail Kim

Promo in the back with Samoa Joe. Kevin Nash is there behind him acting cool, calm, and collective as always. I know Samoa Joe is nothing like an old Shawn Michaels, but Nash is honestly the perfect person in this role of mentor (I can’t really say bodyguard because that’s not really what they want to portray). He’s funny as hell too. That being said, I would still like to see Joe/Nash at some point down the line since they cut it off abruptly months ago.

No D.Q. Match: Sting vs James Storm

I’m always skeptical when going into a â<80><9c>No Disqualificationâ<80> match using an â<80><9c>experiencedâ<80> wrestler like Sting because I never know how far they’ll go. In fact, I always worry that the young star (in this case, James Storm) will be forced to do that much more to make up for the other’s limitations. This match â<80><9c>kind ofâ<80> proved my point. I say that because it really wasn’t that much of a brutal match at all. Aside from a chair shot to the head and the usual ramming into the steps on the outside, Sting didn’t take much at all in form of punishment. Fortunately for Storm though, he didn’t either outside of the final Stinger Splash into a table that was set up in the corner. It was a short match, but furthered their feud, so I have no real complaints (other than the fact that it really wasn’t much of a â<80><9c>No Disqualificationâ<80> match.

WINNER: Sting

My boy, Kip James, is in the back putting himself over and look: I know the rest of the IWC hates him, but he’s not â<80><9c>thatâ<80> bad of a promo guy and this one in particular was pretty clever with the â<80><9c>I’m glad I still have a heartbeat kidâ<80> line (referring to Shawn Michaels, of course). How great is that? Keep on trucking Kip, I enjoy your segments even if I walk alone.

After the break, we have the six remaining participants in the â<80><9c>Egotistical Eightâ<80> to determine the second tag team. Matt Morgan and Kip James are selected ��” you see a trend? After yet another fight between these two selected teammates break out, Cornette calls for the bell and we have a match underway. It seems like I’ve seen this somewhere before….no, guess not.

Matt Morgan vs Kip James

An extremely short match that made Kip look real weak (sorry friend) and Morgan look strong. I know Kip will probably never make it to the top of the company….okay, he simply doesn’t have a chance….but if he wants me to put him over anymore in my future reviews, he should call me every once in a while to keep up! Otherwise, I will be forced to jump on the bandwagon with all the other Kip haters.

WINNER: Matt Morgan

Samoa Joe/Kevin Nash vs Kurt Angle/Scott Steiner

In the weakest match of the night, Steiner and Nash simply couldn’t keep up with Angle and Joe, yet they were involved a TON. Joe looked pretty good and aside from a horribly botched â<80><9c>Angle Slamâ<80> on Kevin Nash that allowed Steiner the cover and win, Angle looked like Angle too. After the match, Angle confronted Steiner because of him taking the pin rather than Angle getting it. The fight breaks out between the two and quickly fades with Angle applying the â<80><9c>Ankle Lockâ<80> and Steiner tapping out.

WINNERS: Kurt Angle & Scott Steiner

Chris Cash’s Final Thoughts:

Save a pretty bad main event, tonight’s Impact did a good job promoting their Sacrifice pay per view this Sunday. The comedy bits were kept at a very low minimum (which I liked) and the majority of it was serious and direct. I still believe that due to the â<80><9c>over the topâ<80> gimmick matches TNA pulls out of their hat on nearly every pay per view ��” and on quite a few Impacts nowadays ��” they have to take a ton of simply explaining rules and stipulations that it takes away from the match itself. I understand the need to be original and innovative, but it keeps the shows hard to follow and is simply all over the place.

My only suggestion is to slow it down and quit trying to fit so much shit in a TWO-HOUR show. WWE seems to make two hours too much time and TNA finds a way to make two hours seem like not enough time (not in a good way either). They cut away from stuff so quickly, you don’t get to see good details like a facial expression after a promo, or the continuation of an â<80><9c>Ankle Lockâ<80> on Scott Steiner as they go off the air. It just ruins that dramatic feeling because it ends so abruptly. That is a very noticeable difference between WWE and TNA’s quality of production ��” WWE hangs on a little longer to the end of their segments while TNA tries to cram so much, it ends up choppy.

Random, Out There, Completely Irrelevant Thoughts:

– Is it just me or is Tracy Brooks a lot hotter now with her new hair? She doesn’t have that…dare I say…â<80>man faceâ<80> anymore.

– Do you realize that I had to rewind that damn segment with Jim Cornette and the women backstage three times just to understand what the heck he was talking about? These gimmicks really make it hard to follow, much less retain it all week after week leading up to a pay per view.

– When Borash said everyone thought that Rhino and Christian Cage were the odds-on favorite to win the Deuces Wild match, did anyone else wonder who â<80><9c>everyoneâ<80> was?

– As much as I hate the Dudley Boys personally (with the exception of Devon…get it?), they are extremely good on the mic.

– I loved Krystal’s one-liner in the back after the B.G. James interview in reference to Awesome Kong: â<80><9c>She’s quite a woman,â<80> she says with that weird smirk on her face.

– How crazy would it be to see â<80><9c>before & afterâ<80> videos of Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash from WCW days and now here in TNA ��” I would imagine you would see a â<80><9c>smallâ<80> change in pace. It’s hardly visible to the no eye, but I think I saw a small loss of step.

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