Hey Shenanifans!
Iâd like to thank all of you for submitting your votes for the worst storyline of all time. The response was so big, in fact, that Iâm unfortunately unable to include actual email excerpts this time. Instead, Iâve used a weighted voting system to count all of your contributions. In this column, Iâll be revealing your top 10 worst storylines ever, plus a few honorable mentions. Iâll be sharing my comments on all of these angles as I count them down. Then, in next weekâs column, Iâll reveal five additional picks of my own that, surprisingly, WrestleZone readers missed out on or under-represented.
Without further ado…
“The Worst Storylines Ever”
10. JR Gets Fired
Jim Ross has been both a beloved and integral part of the WWE family for years. So, logically, when JR went in for a precarious colon surgery, the comic potential was limitless, right? None of you seemed to think so, either. But someone on Rawâs creative team did. The storyline began with JR being relieved of his announcing duties. Linda McMahon, whose acting makes Paris Hiltonâs look like Meryl Streepâs, punted Good Olâ JR in the beanbags, and he was on his way home. The worst was yet to come.
Vince McMahonâs performance as Dr. Hiney, pulling things out of âJRâs backside,â may have been one of the most disgusting and tasteless performances in the history of wrestling. Precious few people found it funny, and no one did when they thought about the reality of the situation: that JR was undergoing a very serious procedure and that, at the time, no one was sure whether or not he had colon cancer. Know who found it less funny than perhaps anyone else? Jim Ross, himself.
9. Hawk as an Alcoholic
WWE made pretty good use of the Road Warriors (as the Legion of Doom) in the early 1990s. Sure, it wasnât as good as the teamâs 1980s heyday in the NWA and AWA, but it was much better than LOD 2000. Donât blame Drozâs participation, though, for screwing this up. Instead, it was what the WWF creative team decided to do with Hawk that really made it bad.
âHighlightsâ of this angle included Hawk appearing wrecked on camera, belittling a problem that would eventually take his life. WCW similarly exploited Scott Hallâs drinking problem and, years later, heâs had a very hard time kicking the habit. WWFâs storyline had the additional distinction of Hawk taking an apparently suicidal spill off the top of the TitanTron. He was okay, but his career wasnât.
8. Vince and Hornswoggle McMahon
Guys, Iâve gotta be honest. Yes, this is bad. Pretty damn bad, in fact. But it is NOT one of the ten worst in wrestling history. Granted, all of you who voted for this put it as part of a list, featuring bad angles far more worthy of this number 8 spot. Still, enough voted for Vince and Horny to put this one on the list. I donât think we need to remind anyone of what this oneâs about, since itâs still going on. Iâll just say that, bad as this one is, there have been way worse.
7. Big Show / Big Boss Man Feud
This feud, which culminated with the Boss Manâs unsuccessful bid for the WWF title at Armageddon 1999, began with his return to WWF TV. Following the storyline death of Big Showâs âfatherâ – who was neither Andre the Giant nor his actual, real-life dad, but a third mystery dad – a funeral was held. The Boss Man exploited the situation by attaching Show Srâs casket to the Blues Brothersâ car and taking off. Big Show tried in vain to stop him.
This is one of those storylines which, when you mention it out loud, you canât help but laugh at. When angles like this air, though, theyâre often much more brutal to watch than you might remember later. Two closing thoughts here. First, donât blame Russo and Ferrera for this one, as they had left for WCW a month earlier. Second, why did nobody include the Undertakerâs âhangingâ of the Boss Man on their list?
6. The WCW / ECW Invasion
The less said about this one, the better. It couldâve been one of the greatest moments ever in wrestling. Instead, it was an okay angle that helped a couple of guys find a niche in the WWF. Next!
5. Billy and Chuck
Billy and Chuckâs run is much maligned by fans, it seems. They didnât receive the most points in this running (first place votes, etc.), but, early on, they were in the lead for most votes. What I ask, dear readers, is why? Billy and Chuck was entertaining as hell. In fact, no offense to either wrestler, but this had to have been the best performance by both Chucky and Billy in terms of comedy. The matching headbands, the âpose downâ against Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson. God, I even loved the wedding segment!
One reader commented that he didnât like this storyline because Billy and Chuck bested teams like the Dudleys, the Hardys, and the APA. Well, thatâs plenty of reason to hate the angle more, if youâre not a fan of the team. But, you have to admit, they were pushed very solidly and consistently for most of their time as a team. So, while I have to definitely disagree with this storyline being one of the worst ever, I concede on one point: the ending was predictable. WWE was never going to have two straight wrestlers portray a gay gimmick for the rest of their careers. Itâs just how the company works.
An interesting note: up until the wedding segment, GLAAD (an American gay rights organization) praised WWE for their treatment of the two gay characters. WWE, human rights leaders? This will surely never happen again.
4. Al Wilson
Another one that, Iâll admit, I loved. Al Wilsonâs acting was awful, but in a hilarious, Killer Klowns From Outer Space way. And come on, how could you not laugh at the âwidowâ Dawn Marie facing off against Torrie in the first ever stepmother vs. stepdaughter match, while wearing a black veil in mourning?
Still, I canât debate this angleâs place on the list. For the first time ever, WWE killed off a character. And, to make matters more ridiculous, this happened after a night of raucous honeymoon sex with his new wife, Dawn Marie. All pretty over the top, and you were either going to love it or hate it. Most of you went with the latter.
3. âSexual Chocolateâ and Mae Young
Mark Henryâs run as âSexual Chocolateâ included an accidental encounter with a transvestite, an admission that heâd had another with his sister, and, of course, the relationship with Mae Young. Mae was impregnated, despite her advanced age, and gave birth to a hand. Afterwards, nothing more became of the storyline – which was probably for the best. Still, this one definitely deserves to be in the top 3.
Iâve got to be honest. Iâve not been a huge Mark Henry fan. His work in strongman contests is admirable, and heâs supposed to be one of the nicest guys in the wrestling business. So I respect him. Still, I was getting really tired of him being in the main event within the past two years. Then, it hit me:
With all the crap Mark Henry has had to endure, purely for the âsake of the WWE product,â he deserves a Bruno Sammartino-esque run with the strap.
2. Big Boss Man / Al Snow Feud
Wow. Two Big Boss Man angles in the top ten! His second run with the WWF didnât produce any classic angles, like his feuds with the Mountie and Nailz. Instead, we got the Big Show feud and this. Boss Man cooked Al Snowâs loveable Chihuahua, Pepper, and fed him to Snow. The two wound up facing off in a Hell in a Cell match – which wouldâve been a good thing, had the ring not been surrounded by a bunch of well-fed dogs. The match was dubbed the âKennel from Hellâ match and, instead of barking and menacing German shepherds, Boss Man and Snow were in the midst of a bunch of butt sniffing, oft-pooping pooches.
Iâm a fan of both of these guys. Al Snow often goes underrated as a great wrestler, as well as an excellent coach. His segments with Mick Foley were great, and he couldâve been used much better in WWE during his last few years with the company. Still, the âKennel from Hellâ feud is a stain on the careers of both Snow and Boss Man. And, in addition, it trailed the number one angle by only a single point in the voting.
And, here it is…the worst storyline in the history of wrestling.
1. Any Use of Eddie Guerrero Following His Death
Agreed. And, though this is a complicated scenario which has actually spanned over several angles, theyâve mostly surrounded the use of Rey Mysterio since 2006. As you can see from the rest of the top 10, fans get uncomfortable when real life pain is exploited in such a way just to get wrestlers over. Honestly, it probably did a lot in making Mysterio received those dreaded mixed reactions after his World Heavyweight Title win.
The exploitation continues now, in the form of the Edge-Vickie Guerrero storyline, which received many votes, specifically. Iâve combined the E-V and other Eddie votes, though, as itâs essentially the same thing done at a different time. It keeps going, and fans are clamoring for it to end. This is not an internet wrestling opinion: this is a wrestling fan opinion. This is a human opinion. WWE, please stop.
Those were the top 10 wrestling storylines in wrestling history, according to you. Thanks to everyone who submitted their votes! I read them all, and there were some excellent choices that didnât quite make the cut. Here are some honorable mentions which just missed the top 10.
“I’m Your Papi, Dominic!”
David Arquette as WCW champion [Why isnât this in the top 10? – K.M.]
Miss Hancock’s pregnancy
Lita’s pregnancy and miscarriage
Tim White’s “Lunchtime Suicides”
James Mitchell and Abyss father-son angle
Iâll be back next week with the additional five angles I spoke of earlier. Stay tuned!
Kevin McElvaney is also a contributing writer for Pro Wrestling Illustrated and The Wrestler / Inside Wrestling. Send questions or comments to kjmcelvaney@yahoo.com.
