COLUMN: OS #19 – The Worst Storylines Ever (As Chosen By You)

Kevin McElvaney


Hey Shenanifans!

Iâ<80><99>d like to thank all of you for submitting your votes for the worst storyline of all time. The response was so big, in fact, that Iâ<80><99>m unfortunately unable to include actual email excerpts this time. Instead, Iâ<80><99>ve used a weighted voting system to count all of your contributions. In this column, Iâ<80><99>ll be revealing your top 10 worst storylines ever, plus a few honorable mentions. Iâ<80><99>ll be sharing my comments on all of these angles as I count them down. Then, in next weekâ<80><99>s column, Iâ<80><99>ll reveal five additional picks of my own that, surprisingly, WrestleZone readers missed out on or under-represented.

Without further ado…

“The Worst Storylines Ever”

10. JR Gets Fired

Jim Ross has been both a beloved and integral part of the WWE family for years. So, logically, when JR went in for a precarious colon surgery, the comic potential was limitless, right? None of you seemed to think so, either. But someone on Rawâ<80><99>s creative team did. The storyline began with JR being relieved of his announcing duties. Linda McMahon, whose acting makes Paris Hiltonâ<80><99>s look like Meryl Streepâ<80><99>s, punted Good Olâ<80><99> JR in the beanbags, and he was on his way home. The worst was yet to come.

Vince McMahonâ<80><99>s performance as Dr. Hiney, pulling things out of â<80><9c>JRâ<80><99>s backside,â<80> may have been one of the most disgusting and tasteless performances in the history of wrestling. Precious few people found it funny, and no one did when they thought about the reality of the situation: that JR was undergoing a very serious procedure and that, at the time, no one was sure whether or not he had colon cancer. Know who found it less funny than perhaps anyone else? Jim Ross, himself.

9. Hawk as an Alcoholic

WWE made pretty good use of the Road Warriors (as the Legion of Doom) in the early 1990s. Sure, it wasnâ<80><99>t as good as the teamâ<80><99>s 1980s heyday in the NWA and AWA, but it was much better than LOD 2000. Donâ<80><99>t blame Drozâ<80><99>s participation, though, for screwing this up. Instead, it was what the WWF creative team decided to do with Hawk that really made it bad.

â<80><9c>Highlightsâ<80> of this angle included Hawk appearing wrecked on camera, belittling a problem that would eventually take his life. WCW similarly exploited Scott Hallâ<80><99>s drinking problem and, years later, heâ<80><99>s had a very hard time kicking the habit. WWFâ<80><99>s storyline had the additional distinction of Hawk taking an apparently suicidal spill off the top of the TitanTron. He was okay, but his career wasnâ<80><99>t.

8. Vince and Hornswoggle McMahon

Guys, Iâ<80><99>ve gotta be honest. Yes, this is bad. Pretty damn bad, in fact. But it is NOT one of the ten worst in wrestling history. Granted, all of you who voted for this put it as part of a list, featuring bad angles far more worthy of this number 8 spot. Still, enough voted for Vince and Horny to put this one on the list. I donâ<80><99>t think we need to remind anyone of what this oneâ<80><99>s about, since itâ<80><99>s still going on. Iâ<80><99>ll just say that, bad as this one is, there have been way worse.

7. Big Show / Big Boss Man Feud

This feud, which culminated with the Boss Manâ<80><99>s unsuccessful bid for the WWF title at Armageddon 1999, began with his return to WWF TV. Following the storyline death of Big Showâ<80><99>s â<80><9c>fatherâ<80> – who was neither Andre the Giant nor his actual, real-life dad, but a third mystery dad – a funeral was held. The Boss Man exploited the situation by attaching Show Srâ<80><99>s casket to the Blues Brothersâ<80><99> car and taking off. Big Show tried in vain to stop him.

This is one of those storylines which, when you mention it out loud, you canâ<80><99>t help but laugh at. When angles like this air, though, theyâ<80><99>re often much more brutal to watch than you might remember later. Two closing thoughts here. First, donâ<80><99>t blame Russo and Ferrera for this one, as they had left for WCW a month earlier. Second, why did nobody include the Undertakerâ<80><99>s â<80><9c>hangingâ<80> of the Boss Man on their list?

6. The WCW / ECW Invasion

The less said about this one, the better. It couldâ<80><99>ve been one of the greatest moments ever in wrestling. Instead, it was an okay angle that helped a couple of guys find a niche in the WWF. Next!

5. Billy and Chuck

Billy and Chuckâ<80><99>s run is much maligned by fans, it seems. They didnâ<80><99>t receive the most points in this running (first place votes, etc.), but, early on, they were in the lead for most votes. What I ask, dear readers, is why? Billy and Chuck was entertaining as hell. In fact, no offense to either wrestler, but this had to have been the best performance by both Chucky and Billy in terms of comedy. The matching headbands, the â<80><9c>pose downâ<80> against Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson. God, I even loved the wedding segment!

One reader commented that he didnâ<80><99>t like this storyline because Billy and Chuck bested teams like the Dudleys, the Hardys, and the APA. Well, thatâ<80><99>s plenty of reason to hate the angle more, if youâ<80><99>re not a fan of the team. But, you have to admit, they were pushed very solidly and consistently for most of their time as a team. So, while I have to definitely disagree with this storyline being one of the worst ever, I concede on one point: the ending was predictable. WWE was never going to have two straight wrestlers portray a gay gimmick for the rest of their careers. Itâ<80><99>s just how the company works.

An interesting note: up until the wedding segment, GLAAD (an American gay rights organization) praised WWE for their treatment of the two gay characters. WWE, human rights leaders? This will surely never happen again.

4. Al Wilson

Another one that, Iâ<80><99>ll admit, I loved. Al Wilsonâ<80><99>s acting was awful, but in a hilarious, Killer Klowns From Outer Space way. And come on, how could you not laugh at the â<80><9c>widowâ<80> Dawn Marie facing off against Torrie in the first ever stepmother vs. stepdaughter match, while wearing a black veil in mourning?

Still, I canâ<80><99>t debate this angleâ<80><99>s place on the list. For the first time ever, WWE killed off a character. And, to make matters more ridiculous, this happened after a night of raucous honeymoon sex with his new wife, Dawn Marie. All pretty over the top, and you were either going to love it or hate it. Most of you went with the latter.

3. â<80><9c>Sexual Chocolateâ<80> and Mae Young

Mark Henryâ<80><99>s run as â<80><9c>Sexual Chocolateâ<80> included an accidental encounter with a transvestite, an admission that heâ<80><99>d had another with his sister, and, of course, the relationship with Mae Young. Mae was impregnated, despite her advanced age, and gave birth to a hand. Afterwards, nothing more became of the storyline – which was probably for the best. Still, this one definitely deserves to be in the top 3.

Iâ<80><99>ve got to be honest. Iâ<80><99>ve not been a huge Mark Henry fan. His work in strongman contests is admirable, and heâ<80><99>s supposed to be one of the nicest guys in the wrestling business. So I respect him. Still, I was getting really tired of him being in the main event within the past two years. Then, it hit me:

With all the crap Mark Henry has had to endure, purely for the â<80><9c>sake of the WWE product,â<80> he deserves a Bruno Sammartino-esque run with the strap.

2. Big Boss Man / Al Snow Feud

Wow. Two Big Boss Man angles in the top ten! His second run with the WWF didnâ<80><99>t produce any classic angles, like his feuds with the Mountie and Nailz. Instead, we got the Big Show feud and this. Boss Man cooked Al Snowâ<80><99>s loveable Chihuahua, Pepper, and fed him to Snow. The two wound up facing off in a Hell in a Cell match – which wouldâ<80><99>ve been a good thing, had the ring not been surrounded by a bunch of well-fed dogs. The match was dubbed the â<80><9c>Kennel from Hellâ<80> match and, instead of barking and menacing German shepherds, Boss Man and Snow were in the midst of a bunch of butt sniffing, oft-pooping pooches.

Iâ<80><99>m a fan of both of these guys. Al Snow often goes underrated as a great wrestler, as well as an excellent coach. His segments with Mick Foley were great, and he couldâ<80><99>ve been used much better in WWE during his last few years with the company. Still, the â<80><9c>Kennel from Hellâ<80> feud is a stain on the careers of both Snow and Boss Man. And, in addition, it trailed the number one angle by only a single point in the voting.

And, here it is…the worst storyline in the history of wrestling.

1. Any Use of Eddie Guerrero Following His Death

Agreed. And, though this is a complicated scenario which has actually spanned over several angles, theyâ<80><99>ve mostly surrounded the use of Rey Mysterio since 2006. As you can see from the rest of the top 10, fans get uncomfortable when real life pain is exploited in such a way just to get wrestlers over. Honestly, it probably did a lot in making Mysterio received those dreaded mixed reactions after his World Heavyweight Title win.

The exploitation continues now, in the form of the Edge-Vickie Guerrero storyline, which received many votes, specifically. Iâ<80><99>ve combined the E-V and other Eddie votes, though, as itâ<80><99>s essentially the same thing done at a different time. It keeps going, and fans are clamoring for it to end. This is not an internet wrestling opinion: this is a wrestling fan opinion. This is a human opinion. WWE, please stop.

Those were the top 10 wrestling storylines in wrestling history, according to you. Thanks to everyone who submitted their votes! I read them all, and there were some excellent choices that didnâ<80><99>t quite make the cut. Here are some honorable mentions which just missed the top 10.

“I’m Your Papi, Dominic!”

David Arquette as WCW champion
[Why isnâ<80><99>t this in the top 10? – K.M.]

Miss Hancock’s pregnancy

Lita’s pregnancy and miscarriage

Tim White’s “Lunchtime Suicides”

James Mitchell and Abyss father-son angle

Iâ<80><99>ll be back next week with the additional five angles I spoke of earlier. Stay tuned!

Kevin McElvaney is also a contributing writer for Pro Wrestling Illustrated and The Wrestler / Inside Wrestling. Send questions or comments to kjmcelvaney@yahoo.com.

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