COLUMN: Offbeat Shenanigans #15 – The Surprise Rumble Entrants

Kevin McElvaney


Hey Shenanifans! Wow, has it been 15 columns, already? The time really flies when you’re ranting and raving.

For those of you wondering, no, this isn’t some bit of insider news I’m writing here. I can’t expressly tell you who the six unannounced Royal Rumble competitors are. In fact, even with 24 of the 30 wrestlers announced, I’m not going to try to make a highly educated guess as to who the other six will be. What I’m going to do here is explain just who I would LIKE those wrestlers to be, and how they might be put into the match.

Before I get into the wrestlers themselves, I’d like to give a kudos to WWE for building the Rumble match really well this year. I love being surprised by entrants, and they’ve left a whole six slots open this year. What’s even better is that they’ve done it in a way that makes sense. For instance, Brian Kendrick had a shot to get in the Rumble against Umaga. Umaga was already in, so when Kendrick lost, that left an open slot. Now an unannounced star can take it. See? Brilliant. And LOGICAL.

But what we’re here for is to discuss who I’d like see in the Rumble. So, without further ado:

“The Six Surprise Rumble Entrants”

1) The Big Show

This one’s a no-brainer. With Show rumored to be making his WWE return soon, what better time than the Rumble? I’ve got to be honest: I am an absolutely huge mark for the Big Show. I know, it’s strange. I’m a cruiserweight / technical wrestling fan, for the most part, but I grew up on Hulk Hogan, Sting, and the Ultimate Warrior. I love a guy with a good character, and Mr. Wight can make me laugh, whoop, and holler. I can’t wait to hear his theme music (“WEEEEEELL”) and his signature Tarzan yell.

I’d like to see Show enter late in the match and, when he does, he should definitely be in the final four. It’ll put the winner over huge and be a great way for Big Show to come back.

2) MVP

MVP is not going to beat Ric Flair tomorrow night. It’s very obvious, and I’m not spoiling anything. So, why not put MVP in the Rumble match? Guys always used to compete in two bouts on the card, one of them being the Rumble. He’d be a great addition to the match, and he could channel his anger from the Flair loss into the match, bullying someone far worse than is called for and beginning a feud with that person.

Who? I don’t care, anybody. Just have him get tossed out, then come back in and take that same guy out. Then, after that, have him go after the other wrestler with a chair, throw the guy into the ring steps, etc. A great and proven way to start a feud.

3) CM Punk

We’re at 26 hours ’til showtime, and Punk vs. Guerrero for the ECW title has yet to be announced. What’s a besmirched ex-champ to do? Why, enter the Royal Rumble and vie for another title shot, of course!

Punk could be plugged into the match relatively early (circa #6) and last a good half hour or so. What’s important here is to be careful about who takes Punk out. It needs to be someone a bit higher on the card, and I think a popular face – such as Triple H or Shawn Michaels – would be perfect. Way more interesting than having a monster heel take him out.

4) Jillian Hall

Yes, I said Jillian Hall. On the Royal Rumble “numbers” vignette, which aired during this week’s ECW broadcast, it was specifically mentioned that only one woman has entered the Rumble. Jillian entering would be a total swerve. The only thing is that WWE needs to be careful about who eliminates her, lest she get sympathy from the crowd and turn face. Plus, honestly, I don’t want to see Jillian get beat up by a guy. That’s just wrong.

Hornswoggle would be a fine choice. Better yet, why not Santino Marella? He could just sneak up and take her out of the ring while she’s singing. Comical, yet enough to get the kids in the crowd screaming their heads off at him.

5) Ron Simmons

I think this one is self-explanatory. He’d get a great crowd reaction, and he’d hardly have to wrestle. Then, of course, we know exactly what he’d say after being eliminated:

*Dramatic pause* “Well, maybe next year.”

6) Rob Van Dam

Okay, let me dream folks. I’d love to see RVD in the Rumble, perhaps even lasting into the final four. If the company were going to bring him back, he’d get an enormous reaction in New York City. I know the odds are very slim – perhaps even slimmer than Jillian appearing in the Rumble match. Still, that was something when Van Dam showed up on the Raw 15th Anniversary show. Big returns have occurred in the Rumble match, and this certainly would be no exception.

Well, those are my picks. If you’d like, share yours with me. We’ll find out exactly who the six spots are actually filled by in just a few short hours. Enjoy it, everybody!

Kevin McElvaney is a contributing writer for Pro Wrestling Illustrated and The Wrestler / Inside Wrestling. Send questions or comments to kjmcelvaney@yahoo.com.

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