WWE RAW Opener:
We start off tonight with a graphic in memory of the passing of Arnold Skaaland.
In the arena:
The lights go out and the glow sticks are up as Shawn Michaels comes to the ring for his opening match. The JBL limo arrives in the arena and Bradshaw exits wearing a suit instead of his wrestling gear. Bradshaw says that he just flew in from Wall Street and he is wearing his $8,000 custom suit because he was told that he has a match with Shawn Michaels. Bradshaw enters the ring and says that somebody did not get the memo. Nobody tells JBL what to do nor when to do it. It is damn sure that he is not going to be told to get out of retirement. If he does come out of retirement, it will be on his terms in and in his home city of New York, not in freaking Indiana. HBK versus JBL is not going to happen. Bradshaw says that it is not like Shawn has enough problems. In less than two weeks, Michaels will get his ass kicked by John Cena at Wrestlemania. He has had time after time and opportunity after opportunity to kick Cenaâ<80><99>s head off his shoulders, but he did not it. Bradshaw calls Michaels an egotistical prick. Bradshaw says that Michaels is a lightning rod. He has seen Michaels play mind games with his opponents and they were beaten before they got through the ropes. Bradshaw says that Michaels has doubts because when he looks in the mirror and looks deep into his soul he knows that he cannot beat John Cena. Bradshaw says that Michaels does not take the shot because Michaels knows that he canâ<80><99>t do it. Maybe the fans wonâ<80><99>t cheer for him, so he gets religion. It means that win or lose, the people will cheer for him even if he does not try.
Bradshaw calls Michaels pathetic and he says that if he was not retired, he would kick Michaelsâ<80><99>s ass himself. Michaels takes the mic and he says that he had no idea that it would turn into a verbal spat. One of them came here to fight. With all of the accusations thrown his way, it is time to counter. He does not care about respect because he has it from everyone since he earned it. As far as mind games, maybe no mind games is the greatest mind game of them all. Michaels says that he has no doubts that the can and will defeat John Cena to become the WWE Champion. There is one thing that they can agree upon. Nobody tells Shawn Michaels what to do and when to deliver Sweet Chin Music. He says that he does it when he wants and when you least expect it. It may happen tonight. It may happen next week. It might not happen until Wrestlemania. There is one thing that they can tell with absolute certainty…Michaels gives Bradshaw Sweet Chin Music and Bradshaw is down in the ring. It is not going to happen after he knocks Bradshawâ<80><99>s head off. Shawn leaves the ring with Bradshawâ<80><99>s hat and does the crotch chop on the Rawest Ramp in sports entertainment as we go to commercial.
Edge is in the locker room reading WWE magazine and Randy Orton enters wanting to know why Edge sold him out last week. Orton says that Edge got himself ejected from ringside on purpose. Edge tells Orton to calm down. Orton says that he talked to Vince McMahon about the â<80>~last chance battle royalâ<80><99> and that is for Edgeâ<80><99>s spot in the match. Orton says that since they did not take out Bobby Lashley and he failed them that Edgeâ<80><99>s spot is on the line. Orton says that it is a good thing that Vince is nice enough to give Edge a chance to keep his own spot in the match.
In the arena:
Chris Masters is in the ring for the Master Lock Challenge. We see highlights of the people who have fallen to the Master Lock Challenge. This weekâ<80><99>s challenger is ECW Champion Bobby Lashley. Lashley sits in the Master Lock Chair for the Challenge. Masters slaps Lashley in the back of the head and Lashley gets up and slaps Masters. The Master Lock is applied to Lashley and Lashley tries to escape. Lashley gets down to one knee, but he returns to his feet and tries to escape. Lashley is able to get out of the Master Lock. We go to commercial.
We see Vince McMahon clapping for Bobby Lashley in the back. He congratulates Bobby for breaking the Master Lock. Vince tells Bobby that his man Umaga is going to break Lashley. Then he will break Trumpâ<80><99>s ego when he shaves Trump bald. Vince tells Lashley that since someone threw his gear into the parking lot, he should leave as well. Vince has a security escort for Lashley. Bobby smiles at Vince before leaving. Vince walks and sees Maria. Vince comments on Mariaâ<80><99>s dress and earrings. Eugene bumps into Vince and he spills coffee on him. Vince tells Eugene that he made a boo boo. Eugene says that accidents happens and he hopes Eugene doesnâ<80><99>t have an accident when he competes tonight. Vince tells Coach to get him Umaga. Ron Simmons shows up and it is time for the DAMN moment of the week.
Jim Ross talks about the passing of Arnold Skaaland. Jim and Jerry talk about Skaaland and Jim says that Arnold is probably playing cards with Gorilla Monsoon in heaven. It is time for a video package for Arnold Skaaland. We go to commercial.
Last Chance Battle Royal
The participants in the match are Super Crazy, Viscera, Val Venis, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, Kenny Dykstra, Ric Flair, Johnny Nitro, Carlito, and Edge.
The men square off until they all focus on Viscera and they toss the big man over the top rope to eliminate him. Carlito goes after Super Crazy and then Val Venis before Haas and Edge work over Venis. Benjamin attacks Flair in the corner. Haas tries to eliminate Nitro. Edge is outside the ring and he favors his knee. Flair punches Super Crazy and then chops him. Benjamin throws Nitro over the top rope, but Nitro holds on to the ropes and he returns to the ring. Haas punches Carlito but Flair chops Haas. Venis tries to eliminate Dykstra but Dykstra holds on to the ropes and rolls in under the bottom rope. Dykstra punches Venis in the corner. Nitro punches Carlito and Flair chops Dykstra. Crazy works over Haas and Benjamin. Crazy is eliminated by Haas and Benjamin and we go to commercial.
Winner – Edge
In the arena:
Vince McMahon is on the mic and the barber shop has been moved to ringside. Vince introduces the man who will take him on to victory. The man who will crush the ECW champion Bobby Lashley. He brings out the Samoan Bulldozer Umaga. Umaga comes to the ring with Armando Alejandro Estrada. Eugene comes to ringside and he is mesmerized by the barber pole.
Referee: Jack Doan
Umaga knocks Eugene off the apron and to the floor. Umaga sends Eugene into the ring steps and then rolls Eugene back into the ring. Umaga with a head butt to Eugene followed by a kick to the chest and a splash using the ropes. Umaga with another splash to Eugene. Umaga punches Eugene and sends him into the corner. Umaga backs up and he hits the running butt splash into the corner. Umaga picks up Eugene and hits the Samoan Spike for the three count.
Winner – Umaga
Vince leaves the ring with Umaga and Estrada, but Vince has second thoughts. Vince tells Umaga to beat the hell out of Eugene. Eugene is put into the barber chair and Vince tells them to strap him in. Vince tells Trump that this is going to happen to him at Wrestlemania. Vince says that he is going to be overjoyed. Vince tells Umaga to choke Eugene out. Vince grabs the scissors and he cuts Eugeneâ<80><99>s hair. Vince grabs some clippers and says that he is going to cut Eugeneâ<80><99>s hair, just like he will do it to Trump at Wrestlemania. Vince says that it is symbolic of cutting everyoneâ<80><99>s hair. Vince says that he is going to give Trump a billionaire bitch slap and then he slaps Eugene. Umaga spins Eugene around in the chair and then Umaga knocks it over. Vince tells them to take Eugene to the back to finish the job. We go to commercial.
In the arena:
We are back and Candice Michelle is in the ring. Candice comments on the crowd and she says that she has been reading Melinaâ<80><99>s blog about Ashley and how Playboy cover girls cannot compete with her in the ring. Candice points out that she is a Playboy cover model and if Melina has a problem with women like her, come out and do something about it. Melina comes out and she tells Candice to keep mouthing off because everyone knows that the only reason she has a job is because she can take off her clothes. She says that people like Candice piss her off. She says that it does not take a lot of talent to do the Go Daddy spin. Melina says that none of the Playboy cover girls have any talent. She proved it last week against Torrie Wilson. She can prove that to Candice tonight. She will prove it to Ashley in two weeks at Wrestlemania. Melina says that Playboy has been trying to contact her for months but she turned Playboy down because it is beneath her. Candice says that Melina does not turn much down and has been beneath a lot of people. Candice says that she will take off her clothes for the fans and she challenges Melina to a bra and panties match. Melina accepts the challenge and calls Candice a bitch. Melina comes to the ring as we go to commercial.
Non Title Match
The match is joined in progress and Melina has a head scissors on Candice and she tries to take off Candiceâ<80><99>s top, but Candice with a kick to Melinaâ<80><99>s head. Candice with a head scissors and she removes Melinaâ<80><99>s skirt. Candice does the Go Daddy twirl and Melina with a baseball slide. Melina takes off Candiceâ<80><99>s top. Candice with an elbow followed by a snap mare and she tries to take off Melinaâ<80><99>s top. Melina with a head scissors take down and she punches Candice in the midsection. Candice and Melina each have the other in a head scissors but they get to the ropes. Melina pulls Candice down by the hair and then Melina removes Candiceâ<80><99>s pants to win the match.
Winner, the Women’s Champion, Melina
After the match, Ashley Massaro comes to the ring and they have a stare down. Melina pushes Ashley but Ashley with a kick and then she pulls over Melinaâ<80><99>s top and Melina covers up outside the ring. The Great Khali comes out and Melina attacks Ashley from behind and she punches Ashley. Melina gets out of the ring but Ashley is still in there as Khali stands over the Playboy cover girl. Khali picks Ashley up and she grabs her for a choke slam. Jerry Lawler gets into the ring and he kicks Khali in the leg before he can choke slam Ashley. Khali grabs Lawler and then he picks Lawler up for a vertical choke slam. Khali leaves the ring and walks to the back. We go to commercial.
In the arena:
Todd Grisham has joined Jim Ross at ringside.
Referee: Marty Elias
Orton backs Hardy into the corner on a collar and elbow tie up. Orton misses a punch and Hardy with an arm drag into an arm bar. Orton with an Irish whip but Orton misses a charge. Hardy with an arm drag into an arm bar. Orton punches Hardy and then he hits a back breaker followed by the Garvin Stomp for a two count. Orton with a Boston Crab on Hardy but Hardy gets to the ropes and Orton releases the hold.
Hardy punches Orton but Orton punches back. Orton with a kick but Hardy with a flying clothesline. Hardy with clotheslines and a mule kick for a two count. Orton with an Irish whip but Hardy hits Whisper in the Wind. From out of nowhere, Edge comes to the ring and he pulls out a ladder and puts it in the ring. Orton hits Hardy with the ladder and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner by disqualification, Jeff Hardy
Edge and Orton have words but Hardy kicks Orton and hits a Twist of Fate on Orton. Edge heads to the back while Hardy sets up the ladder and he climbs the turnbuckles for a leap frog leg drop onto Orton. We go to commercial.
– First look video package is shown for Austin’s Condemned movie.
– Vince is talking to someone on the phone who is apparently going to drop a bombshell, he then has his own bombshell, next week, Lashley will face…Vince himself. Vince guarantees that he will beat Lashley.
– Shawn Michaels makes his way to the ring, he will be on commentary for Cena and Benoit’s match.
– Backstage we see Eugene crying in a mirror – he’s totally bald now.
(7) Non-Title Match – World Tag Team Champion & WWE Champion John Cena vs. United States Champion Chris Benoit. John Cena makes Chris Benoit tap out to the STFU. After the match, HBK gets in the ring and teases Sweet Chin Music again, Cena turns around and sees, HBK smiles making the gesture that he is in Cena’s head, then then shake hands and Cena scoops HBK up for an FU but puts him back down at the last second showing he can play mind games too.