ECW on SciFi opened with a video recap of last week’s visit by Vince McMahon, his disrespect of the ECW Originals, and their beatdown of Elijah Burke. They showed old Sabu clips from the original ECW as he hit a Arabian Facebuster off the top rope on Burke through a chair.
Live in the ring, Sabu, Tommy Dreamer, Rob Van Dam, Balls Mahoney (wearing a neck brace courtesy of his Raw match against Umaga), and the Sandman were in the ring. Joey Styles said they were instructed to come to the ring by Vince McMahon. McMahon’s music played and he made his way to the ring.
McMahon got into the ring with them, showing no fear. McMahon called them a bunch of has-beens and derelicts, then corrected himself and said they were a bunch of “never has-beens”. He said that most of them have criminal records and they couldn’t fit in with any other wrestling organization, so they were left with being ECW originals. McMahon said that anything about the original ECW suck so all of them suck. I can’t believe there are six ECW wrestlers in the ring and all of them are standing there like idiots. I mean, seriously, does anyone on WWE creative get anything about any of their characters? I mean, it’s not like the lead writer for the show used to, you know, attend ECW shows, or anything.
McMahon said they are all dinosaurs and dinosaurs all become extinct. McMahon said that could happen tonight because tonight a new breed will be unleashed. Sandman began brandishing his Singapore Cane, so McMahon reminded them all that they get a paycheck from him and he is the boss. He says that some of them will be in action tonight and warned them not to lay their hands on any of the appointed officials (special heel referee alert!) and not to interfere in anyone else’s matches. He warned them that if they did, they’ll be fired. The independent wrestling scene should be so lucky.
Joey and Tazz plugged ECW World champion Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly later tonight.
We returned from a commercial for a video feature on the revamped, bald Snitsky, complete with a spooky voice saying his name. I wouldn’t be surprised if some fans watching it thought it may have been a Kane video until the end.
Kevin Thorn (with Ariel) vs. Tommy Dreamer
So, the storyline is old ECW guys vs. new ECW guys and none of the ECW Originals can help each other. Matt Striker was the special guest referee. Striker warned Thorn not to use a closed fist early after Thorn pummeled Dreamer in the corner. Dreamer was choked against the ropes. Dreamer tried to comeback but was cut off with a jawbreaker. Thorn began fish hooking Dreamer’s face. Dreamer came back with a sitdown jawbreaker of his own. Dreamer hit a series of rights, following up with a neckbreaker.
Dreamer charged Thorn in the corner but met an elbow. Dreamer hit a sitdown tiger driver for a potential pinfall, but Striker began acting like he was hurt. Thorn clotheslined Dreamer, knocking him over Striker (who was on his hands and knees) and covered him. Striker made the cover.
Your winner, Kevin Thorn.
What a lame finish to a lame match. Until WWE “gets” Dreamer’s character as the everyday guy who fights the good fight and loses, but never gives up despite the odds (Think Rocky Balboa or John McClane in “Die Hard”), he’s nothing but a shiftless enhancement guy, so Thorn gets nothing out of defeating him. Sometimes, you really have to wonder why WWE wouldn’t want to maximize all of their performers in order to maximize their worth to the overall company.
Dreamer got up and looked at Striker but Joey and Tazz reminded us that he wasn’t allowed to touch the officials. I can’t wait for Jonathan Coachman to show up later and screw Sabu myself.
Rebecca interviewed Hardcore Holly. Holly said Lashley has been defending the ECW World championship against everyone but him and tonight he’s going to prove why he deserves to be the ECW champion. Short but decent promo. I’m way in the minority here but I like Holly’s work a lot.
They aired a Bobby Lashley feature, interviewing his mother, showing Lashley visiting his hometown, footage from his college wrestling career, and his Army career. Joey Styles noted it was the first of a four part series on Lashley. It was short but a big step in the right direction. Fans need a reason to care about Lashley, especially in the position he’s been booked into. That was a step in right direction.
ECW World champion Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly
They noted Lashley defended against Kenny Dykstra on Raw last night. Holly and Lashley locked up early. Lashley backed up Holly in the corner but Holly refused to back down. They were really physical for a moment. Lashley took down Holly with a big shoulderblock. Lashley hit a delayed vertical suplex on Holly. They were pushing Lashley’s athletic background bigtime on the commentary. Holly nailed Lashley with a Hot Shot across the ropes. Holly sent Lashley into the ringpost shoulder-first. Lashley was then tossed to the floor.
Holly followed Lashley to the floor and slammed him backwards into the ringpost. Holly threw Lashley into the ring steps, then returned to the ring. The storyline was Holly was trying to injure Lashley’s shoulder in order to weaken him. Holly went right after Lashley again, focusing on his lower back, then locked on an extreme chinlock. Lashley fought back to his feet but Holly nailed him and took him back down with a forearm in the face as Lashley rebounded off the ropes. Holly covered the champion for a one count. Holly went right back after the lower back.
Lashley fought back. He charged Holly in the corner, but missed. Holly began dropping elbows across Lashley’s exposed back. He grapevined Lashley’s legs and pulled back. Holly applied a rear naked choke of sorts but Lashley fought out. The crowd is chanting things, not into the match at all. Lashley catches Holly with a belly-to-belly suplex.
Both men return to their feet and Lashley unloads with a series of clotheslines. Lashley backdrops him and hit s running clothesline in the corner. He went for a second but Holly got his boot up. Holly got caught with the Dominator and pinned.
Your winner and still ECW World champion, Bobby Lashley!
The new Vito-esque Snitsky attacked Lashley. I don’t think anyone in the Arena realized it was the same person. Snitsky began putting the boots to Lashley. Snitsky fed Lashley into Holly, who hit the Alabama Slam. Holly warned the unconscious Lashley that he hadn’t seen the last of Holly. Tazz and Styles said Snitsky came out of nowhere. Didn’t they just see the promotional video?
They recapped Lashley being laid out and then went to a fired up Lashley vowing revenge. Oh wait, no they didn’t.
Matt Striker is now the guest timekeeper at ringside. I guess his word of the week will be Montreal.
Balls Mahoney vs. Marquis Cor Von
They noted Balls was being forced to compete despite his neck injury last night. Cor Von went right after Mahoney’s neck. He nailed Mahoney with a big clothesline, then ripped the neck brace off. He tossed Balls into the corner but balls escaped and unloaded a series of rights. Cor Von quickly came back, evaded another punch and hit a neckbreaker. They showed Vince McMahon watching on a monitor backstage. Cor Von hit the Pounce. He cinched on a Cobra Clutch. Mahoney was out so they rang the bell.
Your winner, Marquis Cor Von!
Vince McMahon looked on approvingly backstage.
They announced Extreme Expose was next.
They aired a promo for the ECW Extreme Rules DVD.
Extreme Expose danced. How funny is it that the entire Kelly Kelly storyline led to the Nitro Girls? At least we get a weekly dose of Leyla El, who’s the hottest woman in the company not named Melina (in my, ahem, journalistic opinion).
Matt Striker came out to stop the dance routine. Striker announced he was the special guest ring announcer. He introduced Marquis Cor Von as their special guest ring announcer. The special timekeeper was Kevin Thorn. What, Mr. McMahon’s stooges are too busy to reprise this angle from 1997? Striker reminded everyone that if they interfered, they would be fired. How many indy promoters are saying, “Yeah, I wish” right about now?
Rob Van Dam vs. Elijah Burke
RVD came out with the look of his face like, “Can you believe this?” Cor Von said that Van Dam was groundbreaking at one time but that time has past. Does anyone realize we’re watching the New Blood vs. the Millionaires Club from WCW?
We returned to live action as Van Dam had a cover on Burke. Van Dam unloaded with a forearm on Burke. Van Dam was backdropped over the ropes but held on. He tried to suplex Burke out of the ring but Burke snapped RVD’s neck across the top rope. Van Dam took a nice bump into the guard rail. They showed Vince McMahon happy backstage. Burke locked on a surfboard on Van Dam. Van Dam came back with a series of punches and kicks. Van Dam hit a somersalt into a monkey flip. He went to the top for the Five Star Frogsplash. Ariel hit the bell. Matt Striker tried to announce Burke as champion but referee Scott Armstrong began arguing with him. Burke lowblowed RVD. Burke covered Van Dam and pinned him.
Thorn, Cor Von, Striker, and Burke all beat down RVD. Tommy Dreamer, Sandman and Sabu hit the ring. The ECW Originals laid them all out and ran them off as the old ECW theme song played.
As the show went off the air, Joey Styles actually said the New Breed was “thwarted” by the Originals. Seriously, what the hell? They won every match!