WWE Armageddon Opener:
Armageddon opened with a video feature on the triple main event tonight. They are pushing John Cena and Batista as the first time two World champions have teamed up. Michael Cole and JBL welcomed everyone to the PPV.
They announced that the only way you can win the match would be to set your opponent on fire. MVP came to the ring. They aired a video feature on the history between Kane and MVP. Kane made his entrance and made the flames around the ring explode as MVP looked freaked.
MVP tried to escape the ring once Kane entered but the flames shot up and prevented him. He begged Kane for mercy, but instead got a big boot to the face. Kane whipped MVP into the corner. MVP tried to climb out of the ring but had doubts about leaving and returned. Kane pummeled MVP and tried to drag his arm towards the flames. He nailed MVP with a blow to the back of the head, sending him to the mat.
Kane grabbed MVP’s legs. MVP pulled himself upwards in the corner, so Kane pulled him away and dropped him on his face. Kane put MVP in the corner and attempted a superplex but was shoved off. Kane hit a bodypress onto Kane and peppered him with punches. MVP hit a running boot to the face in the corner, but Kane sat up. They exchanged punches center ring. MVP tried to break Kane down with kicks to the legs but Kane clotheslined him down. Kane measured him for the goozle, then hit a chokeslam. Kane removed a turnbuckle covering and attempted to light it aflame but the burners on that side of the ring went out. Kane then lit the padding on another side but MVP nailed Kane before he could use it and tossed it to the floor.
MVP tried to hit a sliding kick on Kane into the flames but Kane moved and MVP noly escaped. Kane unloaded in the corner, finishing with a running clothesline. Kane hit a sideslam in the center of the ring. MVP fought back but his blows didn’t effect Kane. He tried to climb out of the ring but Kane shoved him off the ropes. MVP crashed into the announcer’s table. Kane went to the top and dove over the flames to the floor. MVP and Kane tried to force each other into the flames. Kane nailed MVP with a big boot on the floor. MVP tried to run under the ring but Kane pulled him out (cue the finish as they were putting something on MVP to help the effect).
Kane grabbed MVP by the throat and forced him up the ring steps, then backwards into the flames. The back of MVP’s outfit went up and he made his way around the ring. When he got to the aisle, he dropped down and WWE staffers used fire extinguishers to put out the flames. They used a number of great replays to show the flames climbing up MVP’s back.
Winner – Kane
Jillian Hall, Leyla El, Ashley, and Kristal Marshall were outside Teddy Long’s office. Long arrived and said that they had a special guest tonight – Santa Claus. They were all excited about Santa’s impending arrival. Long then announced they would have the first-ever Naughty or Nice contest. The Divas were extremely excited about having to dress in lingerie for the fans.
In the arena:
Michael Cole and JBL reviewed the MVP-Kane match. They promised an update on MVP’s condition later.
WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Teddy Long came out and announced that, as a gift to the fans, the match was now a Ladder Match. Works for me! Teddy Long then announced that he was adding two more teams, which turned out to be MNM and The Hardy Boyz. The Arena loved this and were chanting for the Hardys before they even were announced. Great move!
All four teams began to brawl as the bell rang. MNM got tossed out. Kendrick and London took it to Team UK (as I will refer to them for simplicity’s sake), then tossed them. The Hardys started battling with London and Kendrick. Jeff Hardy hit a jawbreaker on London. The Hardys worked over Kendrick. MNM and Team UK returned to the ring and worked over the babyfaces. The Hardys were over huge. Regal and Taylor worked over the champions with suplex variations in the Hardys and MNM brought ladders towards the ring.
Matt Hardy nailed Team UK with a ladder to the mush. Jeff Hardy nailed Air Sabu off Matt’s back. MNM hit Taylor with the Snapshot. Kendrick and London nailed a double superkick on Regal. Hardy hit a elbow off the ropes on Taylor. Kendrick dropkicked Nitro out of the ring. Matt whipped Kendrick into Jeff, who threw a ladder into Kendrick’s face. Jeff tried to climb the ladder but London dropkicked him off. London climbed towards the top. Nitro tried to hit a springboard towards London to stop him but London moved, so Nitro crashed and burned, landing on the ladder after it tipped over. That looked nasty. Mercury got to the top of the ladder but the Hardy and London & Kendrick picked up the ladder, walked it over to the ropes and tipped Mercury out of the ring into Nitro on the floor. The Hardys whipped London into the corner, where a ladder was waiting. Jeff Hardy went for Air Sabu into a splash but London moved and Hardy crashed into the ladder. They showed several replays of Hardy hitting his head and claimed he had a concussion on Raw.
London went to the top of the ladder but was shoved off by Matt Hardy. He landed on his feet but Hardy clotheslined him. Kendrick climbed up but was pulled backwards off by Matt. Matt tried to suplex London but London broke free and hit a dropsault, sending Matt onto the ladder, which was hanging off the ropes. Kendrick did a double stomp onto Matt, who was on the ladder. MNM put Jeff Hardy on the top rope and teased a double superplex onto stacked ladders but Matt saved his brother. Jeff Hardy legdropped the ladder, catapulting it into MNM’s faces as Matt held them. Mercury was busted open huge with his eye swollen completely shut. It looked like his nose may have been broken. The announcers played it up like a devastating deal and it very well may have been. The match broke down to UK vs. London and Kendrick at this point as Mercury was rushed to the back. Regal hit a German suplex on London, sending him upside down into a ladder in the corner. Regal climbed up the ladder but didn’t want to be up high and sent Taylor up.
Kendrick attacked Taylor to stop him but Regal attacked. They announced that Joey Mercury was sent to the emergency room at the hospital. Nitro continued alone, dropkicking Jeff, who was standing on a ladder outside the ring, through the ropes, sending him to tumbling to the floor. Nitro cleaned house and climbed the ladder. Kendrick failed at pulling him down, but London hit a springboard dropsault off the ropes. Matt Hardy went to the top of the ladder London scrambled up to the top. Hardy backdropped London from the top of the ladder. Jeff Hardy and Nitro then battled to the top of the ladder. Hardy hit a sunset flip powerbomb into the ring. By the way, this is fn’ awesome. Matt Hardy set up two ladders in the center of the ring. Team UK tried to slam the ladders into Hardy, but he ducked. They worked over Matt in the corner.
Taylor held Matt in a Fireman’s Carry while Regal hit a running knee to Matt’s head. Regal and Taylor both climbed the ladder. Kendrick pulled Taylor down, then worked over Regal with punches. Taylor pulled Kendrick to the mat and clotheslined him. Regal tried to get the belt but Kendrick returned and hit Sliced Bread #2 off the ladder, nearly decapitating himself on the ropes in the process. Paul London finally grabbed the tag belts, retaining the titles.
Winners and still WWE Tag Team Champions, Brian Kendrick and Paul London
They showed Kristal Marshall getting ready for the Naughty or Nice contest.
Referee: Chris Kay
Well, they put this in the right place after that awesome previous match. Miz tried to talk on the mic but was cut off by Boogey’s entrance. I love when JBL buries Miz. His disgust for Miz is hysterical.
Miz was scared of Boogey but was tossed into the ring. Boogey whipped him into the corner but Miz caught him with an elbow. Miz tried to work over Boogey’s arm and clotheslined him. Michael Cole said if Miz wins, it would be a huge upset. JBL remarked, “Miz being in a wrestling ring is a huge upset.” Boogey hit his finisher and pinned Miz, then wormed him. JBL kept burying Miz the entire time.
Winner – The Boogeyman
They showed Jillian Hall (with her back to the camera) previewing her lingerie to Leyla El.
United States Championship Match
Chavo attacked Benoit from behind before the match started. Benoit battled back with knees and chops. Benoit clotheslined Chavo, then worked him over with punches. Vicky Guerrero was at ringside selling her neck in a brace. Benoit backdropped Chavo and went for the Sharpshooter but Chavo kicked him off. Benoit tossed Chavo to the floor and followed. He unloaded with chops on Chavo at ringside, then rolled him back inside the ring.
Back in the ring, Benoit hit his signature series of German suplexes, then signaled for the flying headbutt off the top rope. Guerrero got to the corner and took Benoit’s legs out from under him. Benoit and Guerrero battled on the ropes with Benoit getting the better of the exchange and shoving Chavo off. Chavo returned and caught Benoit with a suplerplex into the ring. Good match. Chavo began working over Benoit’s back with punches and kicks. He whipped Benoit into the corner. From outside the ring, he used the ringpost to stretch Benoit around it. Chavo returned to the ring and hit a baseball sliding kick into Benoit, nailing the champion into the post. Guerrero scored a two count off the move, then continued working on Benoit.
Benoit fired back with chops, but was caught with a drop toehold. Chavo kept working on the back, then cinched in a rear chinlock. Benoit fought his way to his feet and tried to backsuplex Guerrero, but Chavo turned in mid-air and ended up on top as they crashed to the mat. Benoit finally got the better of Chavo and went for the crippler crossface, but Chavo grabbed the ropes. Guerrero continued the assault on Benoit’s back with uppercuts and suplexes. Guerrero tied Benoit upside down in the corner. He went for a sliding kick but Benoit pulled himself up and Guerrero nearly crotched himself on the post. Guerrero caught Benoit and went for the Electric Chair but Benoit escaped and landed on his feet. They battled back and forth. Benoit began nailing German suplexes. He nailed seven suplexes total. Really good match.
Benoit covered Chavo for the pin, but Guerrero draped his leg over the bottom rope. Benoit went for the Sharpshooter. Vicky Guerrero grabbed the U.S. title and got into the ring. Benoit yelled at her not to do it, and finally released the hold. Guerrero fell backwards in fear. Benoit grabbed her and teased putting the Sharpshooter on her. Guerrero rolled him up but Benouit rolled through, locked on the Sharpshooter and forced the submission.
Winner and still United States Champion, Chris Benoit
They showed Ashley preparing for the Naughty or Nice Lingerie contest.
Cruiserweight Championship Match
Helms and Yang shoved each other back and forth at the bell. They did some good back and forth mat wrestling and counters early. Yang went for a moonsault but Helms retreated to the floor. Yang followed. Helms hit the ring and cut off Yang as he returned. Yang ducked a running knee and hit flying headscissors. He suplexed Helms and floated over but Helms kicked out.
Yang ended up on the floor, where he was dropkicked into the railing. Helms hit a neckbreaker on the floor. Helms worked over Yang in the ropes, clotheslining his throat across the top and snapping it. He whipped Yang into the ropes and caught him with an elbow. Helms worked over Yang with a top wristlock but Yang fought back. Yang backdropped Helms to the floor, then hit a dive to the floor. They fought back to the ring, where Helms hit a Stun Gun on the ropes and locked on a chinlock. Helms battled back but was caught with a rollup for a nearfall. They battled back and forth. Yang caught Helms with a clothesline and backdrop. Yang hit a running heel kick to Helms in the corner, floating over to the floor. Yang covered Helms, getting a two count. Yang charged Helms in the corner but Helms sidestepped and Yang crashed into the ringpost.
Helms pulled Yang to the top and hit a swinging neckbreaker off the top into the ring. Helms recovered first and went to the top but was hit with a spinning kick as he came off the top. Helms kicked up at two. Yang was caught with an elbow by Helms and put on the top. He pushed Helms off and went for Yang Time, but Helms evaded. Helms drilled Yang’s face into his knees and rolled up Yang, scoring the pin.
Winner and still Cruiserweight Champion, Gregory Helms
Helms was bleeding from the mouth as he left the ring. JBL ripped on the fans for not applauding the good match they had just seen. It was a good match.
Last Ride Match
Kennedy was out first and did his introduction. He called himself the future of Smackdown, then said, “Hell, I am Smackdown.” I hate when guys are called the future because if they are on TV now, they are stars. When Kennedy corrected himself, my first thought was, “About time someone did that.”
At the bell, Taker came out looking he was fighting in UFC. Kennedy retreated quickly to the floor. Taker finally caught Kennedy in the corner, then chased him to the floor. Taker slammed Kennedy’s head into the stairs at ringside, then tossed him onto the Spanish Announce Table. He slammed his head into the table, then launched him into the ring apron.
Back in the ring, Taker charged for a big boot but Kennedy ducked. Undertaker ended up over the ropes and on the floor. Kennedy attacked him in the floor. He went for a running dive off the apron but Take caught him in the air and drove Kennedy backwards into the ringsteps. Taker began carrying Kennedy towards the hearse but Kennedy slipped out from behind and shoved Taker towards the car. Kennedy worked over Taker and tried to put him in the car. He got Taker in but was unable to close the door. When he opened it, Taker kicked him in the head. They battled back towards the ring. Kennedy tried to escape over the rail into the crowd but Taker pulled him back in. Taker put Kennedy on the apron and dropped a leg across the throat. Taker dragged him back into the ring and hit a suicide-plex with both men standing on top of the ropes into the ring. Taker tossed Kennedy to the floor. Kennedy locked Taker in a sleeper on the floor in front of the hearse with the idea that Taker would be out and easy prey to be tossed into the car. Kennedy began dragging Taker to the hearse and tossed him in. He shut the door but needed to drive it out of the Arena. When Kennedy opened the door to get in, Taker was waiting and grabbed him by the throat. He dragged Kennedy back to the ringside area and tossed him into the rail. Taker began clearing off the announce table but was attacked by Kennedy with a chair.
Kennedy worked over Taker’s ribs and back with the chair. Taker sat up, and Kennedy scampered from the ring. Kennedy headed towards the hearse with Taker in pursuit. They climbed up the Armageddon set, which was designed to look like a medieval castle. They battled on top of the set. Kennedy teased throwing Taker off the side of the set. Taker caught Kennedy with a goozle and teased a chokeslam but kicked Taker low. He tossed Taker off with Taker taking a big bump into a crash pad below. The crowd gave one of those brief “Holy sh**” chants – the type of chants Kevin Dunn didn’t want airing on the ECW PPV that led to a good portion of the crowd audio being muted. They played it up like Taker was destroyed. Kennedy dragged a limp Taker to the hearse. He tossed Taker into the car, so he’s either about to win or we get the undead comeback from Taker. They had a camera inside the car that showed Kennedy trying to drive and Taker sitting up behind him, like a horror move. Taker dragged Kennedy backwards into the hearse and they spilled out the back. Taker went nuts, unloading with punches and strikes. Undertaker began wrecking Kennedy with a chair. He grabbed a steel pipe, but missed Kennedy and shattered the back window of the hearse. He drilled Kennedy with another chair, this time busting open Kennedy.
Undertaker continued with punches. He tossed Kennedy atop the roof of the hearse. Undertaker grabbed him for a chokeslam and slammed him on the roof of the car. That looked and sounded brutal. Taker then tombstoned Kennedy on the roof. Undertaker opened the hearse door, exposing all the broken glass inside and tossed Kennedy in. Taker then drove the hearse out of the Arena, winning the match.
Winner – The Undertaker
King Booker was preparing for his match. Finlay came in and said that despite their history, he wanted to promise Booker that he wasn’t going to double cross Booker. Booker said that he wasn’t going to doublecross Finlay either. Sharmell stepped in and said that tonight they were partners and needed each other tonight. Finlay noted that he had his shillelagh and his “Little fella” but all Booker had was Sharmell. Sharmell was offended. Oh please don’t tell me they are building to a mixed tag match!
In the arena:
Santa Claus (Oh Lord, it’s Big Dick Johnson, which they aren’t playing up yet) made his way to the ring. He said it’s been cold at the North Pole so they were going to heat things up with the Naughty or Nice contest. They set it up for Ashley go go last, since she’s doing Playboy and has to get the big push. JBL called Jillian, “Lillian” and when Cole called him on it, he responded, “Like I remember women’s names. They’re all hot to me.” JBL is really cracking me up here. Leyla looked beyond amazing and if this thing was legitimate, she would have blown everyone else away. Leyla got the biggest reaction it seemed but they pushed that Ashley did. Santa announced that everyone was the winner, then asked for his music to be hit, revealing himself to be Big Dick. He stripped down and danced with the Divas. Must be nice to script yourself segments where you dance with a bunch of hot women and scar children for life all at once. They did a conga line out of the Arena.
Referee: Nick Patrick
Batista comes out with his left arm heavily taped up. Cena and Booker start the match. Batista and Finlay tag in. Batista takes Finlay down and trys to put him in what looks to be a Sharpshooter but it’s super sloppy. King Booker tags in and goes to work on Batista. He goes for a hip toss but Batista counters it with a really bad looking closeline. Cena tags in and there are scattered boos. Cena locks in the STFU but Finlay breaks it up. Batista comes in and now all 4 men are fighting in the ring. Booker grabs his septor and nails Cena in the throat with it. The Little Bastard comes in the ring. He trys to kick Cena but he moves and he kicks himself in the head. Booker goes for a superkick on Batista but he moves and he nails Finlay. Cena comes in and hits Finlay with an awful looking suplex. The crowd boos.
In the ring, Batista and Booker have some miscommunication and stumble all over the place. Batista kicks Booker in the gut and nails him with the Batista Bomb for the win. This was brutally bad.