PROMO TIME â<80>” JOHN CENA with KANE, ROB VAN DAM, SABU & BOBBY LASHLEY. Cena addresses last week referring to Big Show as “poopy pants”. He says Show wanted to see Survivor Series early and he’s cool with that so he’s bringing Survivor Series forward six days and challenging Show’s team right now. But he’s interrupted by EDGE & RANDY ORTON. With GREGORY HELMS, JOHNNY NITRO and MIKE KNOX. Edge says they hospitalized a Hall of Famer and won the tag titles so they’re more important. Orton says that Nitro is winning the ladder match tonight so they’ll have four champions on their team. He’s interrupted by RIC FLAIR and his team of ARN ANDERSON, SGT SLAUGHTER and DUSTY RHODES. Flair addresses Edge’s tactics of taking out Piper. He says they’re pathetic but he’s interrupted by THE SPIRIT SQUAD. The teams are coming from all over the arena here. Only Team Cena came from the entranceway. Kenny calls Flair’s team “natural history rejects”. The Spirit Squad don’t care who replaces Piper. Kenny reminds us he’s the youngest captain in Survivor Series history but their special Survivor Series cheer gets interrupted by DX with CM PUNK and the HARDY BOYZ. This is a team with a lot of handsigns. Shawn calls for the Royal Rumble to start right now. HHH corrects him and points out that Flair’s team can beat the Spirit Squad whenever they like. HHH also addresses Cena saying that Show has been delayed by an open case of Twinkies. So there are only two teams ready for action. He calls the Rated RKO extras “the village people”. HHH puts Punk over saying he’s the next ECW champion and points out that Team Extreme are back together. Edge quiets them down saying everyone is sick of DX. He looks to Cena for encouragement but Cena sides with DX only for BIG SHOW to come out here with his guys TEST, MVP, FINLAY and UMAGA. Show calls his team the most dominant at the Survivor Series. Cena invites everyone into the ring and we’ll see who’s left standing. When it looks like everyone is about to rumble out comes VINCE MCMAHON to save his buyrate. He books himself an “all Captains” tag match as the main event. John Cena/Ric Flair/DX v Edge/Orton/Kenny/Big Show. Vince guarantees us we’ll never forget tonight.
SABU v UMAGA w/Armando Alejandro Estrada
Sabu tries to start fast but Umaga jabs him in the throat and headbutts him. Sabu does some serious selling on a chop and gets his head bounced off the buckles. Ref tries to stop that but Umaga scares him off. Sabu throws some rights but Umaga no sells everything. Umaga shoulderblocks Sabu out of the ring. No content with that he follows out to run Sabu into the rail chest first. Back inside Umaga hits a running headbutt. Sabu escapes a slam and finally hits a few punches but he runs into a kick. Umaga misses a charge allowing Sabu to hit a springboard sidekick. Springboard flying DDT puts Umaga down. He tries another springboard but Umaga spikes him in the throat for the pin.
Winner: Umaga via Samoan Spike. Sabu treated like a total jobber there.
T-SHIRT SHOOTING â<80>” Torrie Wilson has taken over the gig. She goes to shoot one at Jerry Lawler when out comes CHRIS MASTERS. He gets in the ring to show off his own guns. He goes for some kind of sexual predatory stuff, which brings out CARLITO. “That’s not cool. You got big guns but downstairs you got a little pistol”. Carlito punks him out and dropkicks him out of the ring. Torrie brings the hugging. That gives Masters a chance to attack Carlito from behind and strap him in the Masterlock. Masters makes a point of bitching at Lawler in the process so he gets into the ring and Masters chickens out because it’d be two on one. JR stops off to plug Jeff Hardy v Johnny Nitro tonight.
BACKSTAGE Todd Grisham chats with JOHNNY NITRO and reminds him he’s never had a ladder match. MELINA chips in saying they’re both very confident. They dedicate tonight’s victory to Kevin Federline. Melina says K-Fed is going to kick Cena’s ass on New Year’s Day. Nitro starts ragging on Hardy saying the only reason anyone cares about him is because he’s 50-50 to kill himself every night he wrestles.
ELSEWHERE the SPIRIT SQUAD talk about tonight. Johnny volunteers to wrestle Dusty Rhodes tonight but Kenny makes the decisions and picks NICKY to face Dusty. They spot RIC FLAIR hanging out with CANDICE. Kenny goes to talk to him. He says youth will prevail and it doesn’t matter what fossil Flair has found to replace Piper. Flair has two words for him. WOOOOO! And the other one is DAMN courtesy of RON SIMMONS. Ron now has his own shirt, which is just the word “DAMN” in caps across the front.
ELSEWHERE Jeff Hardy walks. The referee tells him the match is next so he needs the belt so he can go and hang it up.
IC title â<80>” JEFF HARDY (c) v JOHNNY NITRO w/Melina
As it’s been pointed out a few times already Nitro has never been in a ladder match. Nitro goes under the ladder to slide between Melina’s legs. Jeff also goes under the ladder. JR plugs ECW tomorrow where the Hardyz will reunite and team up for the first time in four years. Jeff cheerleads for himself. As with most ladder matches the crowd is dead to start with because they’re waiting for the ladder to come in. And as I type that they start chanting for Jeff again. Jeff hits the Whisper in the Wind. He goes after the ladder but Nitro jumps him. Nitro with a wheelbarrow bomb and Melina breaks out the Primal Scream. Nitro bails for the ladder but Jeff dropkicks it back into his face and then hits a pescado onto him. Time for some high quality paid advertising. While we’re away from the action I’d like to remind you that this is the RAW report on 411Mania.com. I’m your host Arnold Furious. If you’re reading this report elsewhere then said website are nothing better than pikeys stealing anything that isn’t nailed down. Need to get me some Internet nails. We return from the ad break with Jeff climbing the ladder. Nitro pushes it over and Jeff lands on the ropes. Both guys then lie around for a while. Hardy climbs in the corner with the ladder set up nowhere near the belt. Nitro climbs too and goes for the super ladder plex but Hardy throws him off. He goes for something over the ladder but Nitro shoves the ladder into him crotching Hardy up top. Nitro goes to set the ladder up but Hardy is still on top so he hits a missile dropkick into the ladder, which knocks Nitro out. Hardy ends up having to drag Nitro out from in the ladders. Hardy sets the ladder up but Nitro stops him even starting to climb. Nitro catapults Hardy into the ladder but he lands on them and climbs right away. Nitro climbs opposite him and they fight on the top of the ladder. Nitro decides to show off his agility and dropkicks Hardy off. Cool. Nitro gets up first with the ladder and just throws it at Jeff’s head. He sets the ladder up but Hardy isn’t even down. Nitro goes up and Hardy strolls over to haul him off. “It wasn’t pretty” â<80>” JR. Hardy slams Nitro on the ladder and goes up top. He goes for the Swanton but Nitro moves so Jeff hits the Swanton onto the ladder. That’ll leave a mark. Nitro grabs the ladder and throws it at Jeff’s face. It ends up on his head so Nitro dropkicks it again. Nitro sticks the ladder in the ropes but stops off to put the boots to Jeff. Hardy gets whipped back first into the ladder. His back has taken a lot of punishment especially on the last two big spots. Nitro goes under the ring and pulls out a second ladder. Nitro with a neckbreaker. The second ladder is bigger. He rams Jeff in the knee with it although I think he was aiming for the guts. The new ladder is about 10 feet tall. Nitro gets whipped into it. Jeff pulls out the first ladder and the second ladder is already screwed. Both men end up on ladder one and climbing but Jeff flips over the top and sunset flip powerbombs Nitro off the ladder. Jeff sets the ladder up in the corner again and hits the slingshot legdrop. That was the spot that made him a star back in 1999. Hardy sets the ladder up on top of Nitro. Try as he might he can’t tip the ladder up and Hardy grabs the belt.
Winner: Jeff Hardy by belt retrieval
LITA v MICKIE JAMES
Lita has a mic again. She has another stipulation. This week Mickie is blindfolded. JR speculates that Lita is “sucking up” to someone to get all these favours. Sucking something. Out comes THE COACH with a blindfold. Not just a blindfold but a full hood. Lita walks around behind her and smacks her in the back of the head. Mickie grabs her causing a brief catfight but Lita is able to throw punches knowing where the target is. Lita SPIKES her with a DDT. She doesn’t pin though instead wanting to rub this in with the Moonsault.
Winner: Lita by pinfall after a moonsault
POST MATCH Lita gets on the mic again. She claims to be the most dominant woman in the entire history of the business. She says she can’t get no respect around here especially from the fans. She “single handedly” revolutionized women’s roles in the WWE. She reminds us she tore her knee up and broke her neck. (OPINION – Should learn how to f***ing work then). She says she inspired a generation of women including Mickie James. Without Lita there would be no Trish Stratus. Lita says she’ll beat Mickie at Survivor Series to retain her title. Then she’s walking away from the company because Survivor Series will be her last match. She wants to retire as the greatest women’s champion of all time.
BACKSTAGE Edge looks somewhat distracted. He gains confidence when he looks at his tag partners tonight though â<80>” Orton, Kenny and Show.
The announcer’s highlighed Sunday’s Survivor Series matches.
(5) Randy Orton, Edge, Kenny, and The Big Show vs. DX (HBK and HHH), John Cena, and Ric Flair in an eight man tag match. Match ends with Cena FUs Kenny and pins him. After the match, a total melee breaks out with everyone involved at Survivor Series fighting in the ring when the show goes off the air.