WWE RAW Opener:
RAW opened up with Triple H shown in the back and Shane McMahon approaches him. Shane said he came for a chat, and knows the sledgehammer thing was an accident, and that they are cool. His dad on the other hand…Shane says that it’s embarrassing to see his father do that, and it’s mortifying when you’re actually a member. Shane said his dad likes him, and he’s like a member of the family, and he should go reason with him, because if he doesn’t, it’s only going to get worse.
In the arena:
Jonathan Coachman is in the ring with Paul Heyman, and Coach went to introduce Rob Van Dam, but Heyman took over with the introduction. RVD and Heyman embraced as Coachman introduced the WWE Champion John Cena. RVD took a seat at the table looking eager to sign as Coachman said he holds the Money in the Bank contract in his hand that Rob Van Dam won at WrestleMania, and both lawyers have approved it. Coachman said RVD will sign first and RVD took a mic. Van Dam said six days, six days before that title is around his waist. The crowd mostly booed as RVD said he will rename it the ECW World Title. RVD said that he hopes Cena is prepared, for this hardcore action that brings out the best in him, and for this extremely judgmental crowd that can’t wait to boo him right out the freakin’ door. RVD said the Chain Gang will not be present at One Night Stand. Heyman said when Cena signs the contract he’s walking into the most unique environment in sports entertainment history, it will be about the most rabid fanbase in history, and they will all be in unison dying for the chance to rub three letters in his face, ECW.
RVD signed the contract as Cena grabbed a mic. Cena laughed and said that he is looking at an ECW fan in himself. He said he watched and respected everything that ECW did for the business, and just because he has to go to his house and play by his rules, and have the fans boo him out of the Ballroom, don’t think he’s just going to lay down and hand him the WWE Title. He said everyone knows that RVD will fight for ECW, but he needs to understand that Cena has fought and bled to keep the WWE Title. He said he’s stepped in a cage with pitbulls and fears nothing and regrets less. He said he knows what it’s like to be booed out of the building, and he’s stared it in the face and smiled. Before Rob gets excited about being the hero at One Night Stand, he needs to realise that this could be the one opportunity to get a crack at this soldier, and this soldier is locked on, dailed in and ready to strike, and at One Night Stand, his target is Rob Van Dam.
Cena and RVD shook hands and then Heyman said there is a mistake here, because his first taste of ECW doesn’t come Sunday, it comes two nights from now on the USA Network, this Wednesday night on a special called WWE vs. ECW, ten superstars from RAW and Smackdown combined against ten ECW superstars in a battle royal, and just so John can sample the flavour, he brought a couple of participants with him tonight! ECW music hit as Balls Mahoney, Sandman, Dreamer and Funk came through the crowd! Cena guessed that they are here for his autograph, and if he’s going down, he going down swinging. Cena nailed Mahoney but then Sandman went nuts on him with the Kendo Stick. Sabu then hit the ring and went to the top rope with his chair and sailed off onto Cena on the table right in the back of Cena’s head. Big Show then hit the ring with the RAW locker room as ECW backed off into the crowd. Cena is busted open as the ECW alumni converged in the crowd staring down the RAW superstars.
Non Title Match
The music of Carlito hit in the arena as he made his way down to the ring for singles action here on RAW against Intercontinental Champion Shelton Benjamin.
Benjamin took over with a knee to the gut and then some clubs to the back before nailing some right hands in the corner. Carlito came back with an eye rake and then nailed some left hands of his own. Carlito went for a back drop but Benjamin kicked him in the head but then Carlito came back with a dropkick. Carlito hit a back elbow and then went for a back suplex but Benjamin countered. Benjamin nailed a kick to the head of Carlito and then stomped away.
Benjamin gave Carlito snake eyes in the corner and then hit a snap mare and a knee to the back of the head. Benjamin locked in a rear naked choke, and then blatantly choked away at Carlito. Carlito came back with left hands but then Benjamin tossed him to the outside. Carlito got on the apron and hit some shoulders to the mid section but then Benjamin came back with knees.
Benjamin slapped Carlito around but then Carlito came back with a clothesline. Carlito hit some left hands and then a kick to the gut followed by a knee lift, and then some clotheslines. Carlito hit a springboard back elbow and covered for a near fall. Benjamin came back with a Samoan drop and then missed the splash in the corner so Carlito hit more right hands. Carlito hit a springboard flip in the corner to avoid a splash and then nailed the backcracker for the victory.
Winner – Carlito
Triple H is shown outside Mr. McMahon’s locker room, and then enters. Coachman is in here and told Triple H to make himself comfortable, and that McMahon won’t make him wait long. Triple H looked at a picture on the wall of Shawn Michaels’ face being shoved into McMahon’s ass as we go to commercial.
In the arena:
The Pittsburgh Steelers are shown enjoying the show.
Triple H is shown again and McMahon enters, all excited. McMahon said tonight we can make WWE history. He said that he goes to New York on Wednesday’s for a facial and manicure, but this week he had an assial. He said they sandblasted his butt and it felt good, and he did it all for Triple H. Triple H said that for one second he’s going to go to the ring and embarrass himself, then he can stick it up his assial. McMahon said Triple H isn’t the kind of leader he thought he was, and if he goes out there and kisses his ass tonight, then everyone will line up to do it. Triple H said it ain’t going to happen, and he’s going to have to come up with another plan. McMahon said he’s got it. There’s a match tonight, Triple H goes one on one with a 500 pound giant in the Big Show, and if Triple H wins then he calls off the Ass Club tonight. Triple H said he’s on. McMahon said that match is now, as in right now. Triple H’s music hit and he left.
Referee: Mickey Hensen
Triple H emerged from the curtain ready for action and if he beats the Big Show in this next match, then he won’t have to kiss Mr. McMahon’s ass later tonight. The Big Show’s music then hit and we are set to go.
Show tried to corner Triple H but Triple H nailed right hands, and then Show nailed a knee to the gut. Show chopped at Triple H in the corner and then nailed a press slam. Show charged at Triple H, but Triple H pulled down the top rope and Show toppled to the outside. The Spirit Squad then hit ringside and stomped away at Show, and he’s been awarded this match by disqualification. Triple H has been screwed!
Winner by disqualification, The Big Show
McMahon is on the phone and Triple H barges in. McMahon asks what the hell he’s talking about, he’s been on the phone and has more important things to do. McMahon then realises that Triple H lost, because if he lost, then he has no alternative than to kiss his ass. McMahon said a deal is a deal, and if he’s thinking about not kissing his ass, then he’ll never wrestle for a championship again. Triple H looks ultra pissed as McMahon left.
Referee: Michael Chioda
The music of Eugene hit in the arena as he made his way to the ring to go one on one with Matt Striker. Striker got on the mic and said last time they wrestled, Striker annihilated him. Eugene said he has a tutor. Striker said there is no one on the face of this earth stupid…Hacksaw Jim Duggan’s music then hit, and I guess he’s Eugene’s tutor!
Striker attacked Eugene from behind and then hit a sick DDT from the apron to the inside for a near fall. Striker hammered away with right hands and then locked in a criss cross choke. Duggan got the fans chanting for Eugene on the outside as he powered out. Eugene started to fire up and nailed right hands. Eugene hit a roundhouse knockdown and then delivered an airplane spin. Eugene went for a Rock Bottom but Striker came back with a modified neckbreaker. Duggan chanted USA on the outside, distracting Striker enough for Eugene to hit a three point stance for the win.
Winner – Eugene
Striker got pissed and sent Eugene hard into the ring steps, and then Duggan chased him off. Umaga then hit the ring out of nowhere taking down both Duggan and Eugene, and Estrada directed traffic and Umaga hit a headbutt off the apron onto Duggan on the floor. Umaga nailed the Samoan Spike on Hacksaw and then Armando got in the ring and did his spiel. He said Duggan may be a hero, he may be a legend, but tonight he became the latest victim of the Samoan Bulldozer, Umaga!
In the arena:
Kurt Angle’s music hit in the arena, and ECW’s newest superstar made his way to the ring! Angle got on the mic as the fans chanted for “Angle” in his hometown of Pittsburgh. He said he’s proudly a part of ECW and not RAW, but nothing was going to stop him from coming back to his hometown tonight. Mick Foley’s music then hit as he made his way to the stage. Foley said to wait a second, it’s one thing to stand out there as a proud member of ECW, but getting a cheap pop is his deal. He said ECW is a bunch of second rate Mick Foley rip-offs…Angle said how about losing every bit of his wrestling ability and becoming a stuntman, everything Flair said about Foley is true. Woooo! Foley said that Angle has issued an open challenge at One Night Stand, and since it came from Heyman’s mouth, he assumed it was a lie. Angle said it’s true, and he knows he has his tag match with Dreamer and Funk, but since Foley’s baby boy is now Mrs. Foley’s giant hairy prostitute, why not take the open challenge. Lita then came out, and speaking of hairy prostitutes, how you doing there? Foley said he’s been informed that they have a special visitor for Angle, someone who has more wins over Angle than anyone, the Rated R Superstar, Edge! Edge came out holding the Hardcore Title and took a mic. Edge asked how Angle was, and that he looks a little nervous. Edge played up that he was the one who shaved Angle bald. Edge said that against him, Angle is like the Pittsburgh Pirates, not the Steelers, like Willy Stargel, not the 1970’s all-star, more like the corpse that has been rotting for the last five years. Angle said he has two seconds to explain why he’s out here, you blonde haired bitch. Edge said he thought he’d tell all the people that they will never see Angle again, because when he became the first ECW draft pick, his career ended. Edge said Angle will not fit in, the first time he saw ECW he walked away in disgust. Edge said he thinks Angle will trade places with him in a second. Edge said he’s the number one contender to the WWE Title, he’s got a shot at the title at Vengeance, and Angle has his open challenge at One Night Stand. Edge said that Angle has gone from the penthouse to the outhouse, and if he thinks he will last more than two weeks in ECW, he’s full of crap! Angle said growing up in Pittsburgh, he’s been told his whole life that he couldn’t do anything, but he proved them wrong. Angle said he will change the face of ECW forever at One Night Stand. Angle asked if he knows anyone in ECW capable of doing this…Angle took down Edge and then Foley was given the Angle Slam. Edge went for a DDT on Angle, but Angle locked in the Ankle Lock! Edge screamed in pain and bailed to the outside as Edge, Foley and Lita made their way up the aisle. Randy Orton then hit the ring out of nowhere and laid out Angle with the RKO! What the hell!
During The Break:
Todd Grisham caught up with Orton in the back, and he didn’t forget that Angle broke his ankle back in April, and he finally got his payback. Orton said he accepts Angle’s challenge this Sunday for One Night Stand.
Referee: Jack Doan
Trevor Murdoch is in the ring with Lance Cade saying Kane got lucky last week and this week he has to face his tag partner, Cade. Kane’s music then hit as he made his way to the ring with a purpose, and we are set to go.
Cade attacked Kane from behind but Kane came back with an uppercut and then a back elbow. Kane sent Cade head first to the corner and worked him over with right hands and then nailed a running clothesline. Kane nailed another high impact clothesline in the corner, and then hit a side slam. Murdoch got on the apron but was nailed with an uppercut, and then Kane went up top and came off with the flying clothesline on Cade. Kane signalled for the chokeslam and scored with it. The lights and voices then started up and the mask appeared on the Tron, and then it stopped out of nowhere. Kane then made his way to the back, and Kane has been counted out.
Winner by count out, Lance Cade
Murdoch got on the mic all happy as Kane was shown in the back looking for the masked Kane. He showed up behind Kane and got closer each time the lights came back on, until he was right behind Kane. Kane was then nailed with an uppercut and sent into a wall. The masked Kane then picked up a garbage can and tossed it into Kane, before leaving.
Rory McAllister, and Robby McAllister were shown, and spoke about the McAllister clan in the Scottish Highlands, but they left to compete in the WWE, so for the first time, the Highlanders have come to America. One of them is bald, and one has long read hair, and both have huge beards. They are shown meeting some New Yorkers, and enjoying the sights.
Referee: Chad Patton
The music of Johnny Nitro hit in the arena as he and Melina made their way to the ring and Nitro will be in singles action against Charlie Haas. Haas was so full of steam on his entrance, that he knocked Lilian Garcia right off the ring apron and injured her. Melina did her hot entrance revealing her panties.
Haas and Nitro locked up and Haas nailed a slam and Nitro backed off to the corner. They locked up again and Nitro backed Haas to the ropes, and then gave him a thumb to the eye and a dropkick to send Haas outside. Nitro distracted the referee while Melina gouged the eyes of Haas. Nitro went to the outside and kicked away at Haas before sending him back into the ring. Nitro continued to stomp away at Haas, and then hit a nice neckbreaker for two. Nitro hammered away with right hands and then sent Haas hard to the corner.
Nitro hammered away at the back of Haas. Haas fought back with clotheslines on Nitro and then nailed a monkey flip. Ross said that Lilian is getting medical attention as Haas scored with a kick to the spine. Haas nailed a forearm in the corner, and then some mounted punches. Melina got in the ring and acted like she tripped and hurt herself. The referee checked on her as Nitro came from behind Haas with a rollup for the win.
Winner – Johnny Nitro
Lilian is shown being helped to the back by the trailer during the break as she was knocked off the apron. Justin Roberts is out to do ring announcing.
Referee: Mickey Hensen
Victoria is in the ring set for action, and then Mickie James came down to the ring to be in her corner as the Women’s Champion. Beth Phoenix then made her way to the ring with Trish Stratus and we are set to go.
Victoria nailed Beth from behind and then slammed Beth face first into the canvas for two. Victoria kicked Beth square in the ribs and then wrenched away at her over the ropes. Victoria choked Beth over the top rope and then covered for two as Mickie looked on happily. Victoria went for a suplex but Beth blocked and nailed a snap suplex of her own. Beth nailed some chops but then Victoria hit a slap. Beth then nailed a knockdown, and then a clothesline.
Beth hit a slap and then a dropkick for one. Beth again hit an open hand slap on Victoria for another near fall. Beth nailed a side slam and Mickie is up on the apron distracting the referee. Trish came around and pulled her down but in the ring Victoria got a rollup and grabbed the tights but the referee saw her. Beth came back with a Michinoku Driver for the win.
Winner – Beth Phoenix
The McMahon’s are shown looking at the picture of Shawn Michaels’ face being shoved up Vince’s ass. Vince asked Shane if he’s ready, and wants to make sure the job gets done. Shane said he’s going to see Triple H right now. Vince asked Shane if he’d like to see a preview of someone who has had an asscial. Shane said he’s out of here, and Vince said he ought to try it one of these days.
In the arena:
Ross and Lawler talked about the contract signing earlier tonight, and then the ECW guys attacking Cena. Ross brought up that Tazz challenged Lawler this past week on Smackdown. Lawler said there is nothing funny what he is about to say to Tazz. We’ve all been listening to how tough Tazz says he is, but the only thing bad about him is his announcing skills. He said there are no rules in ECW, but there have to be rules. Lawler said that Tazz challenged him saying he has one match left in him, and Lawler accepts, and he’s going to make sure it’s his last stand.
Triple H is shown in the back and Shane comes in. Triple H says Vince is trying to play him like a fool, and if he thinks that he will kiss his ass, then he’s crazy. Shane says his dad won’t make him do that, he’s playing a mind game with him; all he wants is a little respect from the 10 time champion. Shane said he knows it. Shane said he was sent in here to see if Triple H is cool, and he said he is. Shane said he has to make a call. Shane calls Vince and Triple H spits in his water and swaps it with Shane’s bottle while he’s on the phone. Shane then took as swig and said that’s good as we go to commercial.
In the arena:
The music of Mr. McMahon hit in the arena as he and Shane made their way to the ring for the Mr. McMahon Kiss My Ass Club. McMahon took the mic and said there are lots of clubs out there. A strip club, country club, but the most elite of them all is the Mr. McMahon Kiss My Ass Club, of which Shawn Michaels is a member. McMahon said that Jim Ross is also a charter member of the club, and even his son Shane has joined the club, inadvertently. McMahon then introduced the Game, the Cerebral Assassin, the King of Kings and the newest member of the Kiss My Ass Club, Triple H. Triple H made his way down to the ring looking quite chilled. McMahon got on the mic and said he wants to let him know that there is no malice here on his part, he’s not doing this for his ego, he’s doing it because it’s leadership by example. McMahon asked what was up with Triple H’s eyes, and he seems to have lost his coloring. Triple H asked if he had a few drinks before coming out here? Triple H said he feels fine and then fell to the canvas. McMahon said that he needs to kiss his ass. McMahon thinks he has drugged Triple H, but he doesn’t know that he swapped bottles with Shane! McMahon took off his jacket, and then said we are about to witness the first ever asscial in public. Vince took down his pants and said that’s a might fine ass, it can do tricks and everything. Shane laughed at McMahon’s ass, and then started to get woosy. Shane then collapsed to the canvas! Vince wondered what the hell was going on as Triple H got to his feet. Triple H has caught McMahon with his pants down! Triple H then gave McMahon the Pedigree in the center of the ring! The McMahon’s plan has backfired here tonight as Triple H stands tall as RAW goes off the air!