The show opens with a highlight package of last week’s main event when Triple H bashed special guest referee Shane McMahon with sledgy, and told Vince he was sorry and it was an accident.
Vince McMahon stares through the screen.
Vince McMahon: Good evening. Last week my son Shane was accidentally battered with a sledgehammer. The only thing that saved him from permanent damage was his superior conditioning and superior genetics. Noentheless, Shane has suffered a mild concussion. While I’m certain this incident was an accident tonight I will demand an apology from Triple H. Anything other than a meaningful, sincere apology will be dealt with with swift, vengeful retaliation.
Cue Raw intro, cue pyros, cue thousands of screaming fans – all this can only mean one thing…it’s MONDAY NIGHT RAW!
Good ole JR and King welcome us to Las Vegas, Nevada for another live edition of Raw. Shawn Michaels will take on all five members of the Spirit Squad. John Cena will also face off with Chris Masters.
There is a red carpet covering the entire ring and a podium.
**Mick Foley’s music hits**
Foley makes his way to the ring in a suit.
Mick on the mic: Thank you for your continued support. You know how much I appreciate especially in lieu of the terrible misunderstanding that has taken place the last few weeks. I just wnat to set the record straight. You see – I am not a bad guy. It’s ok to cheer me. Parents tell the kids boos aren’t really necessary. (BOOS) I’m the lovable guy. Look at this adorable gap-toothed smile. I’m the human muppet. The guy who puts his thumb in the air and says it’s great to be right here in Las Vegas. Except it’s not really that great to be right here in Las Vegas (boos). Hear me out – it’s just that I have a problem with millions of people showing up in a city hopiong to change their lives with a roll of the dice or a spin of the wheel. I think you would agree it’s more admirable to earn your accomplishments like I did. Come on now – I didn’t become three time champion by rolling a seven. I didn’t become a two-time New York Time #1 best selling author by putting a quarter in a slingo machine. I earned it! I earned every single thing I accomplished in my illustrious career. As did my guest tonight – who earned his undefeated streak at Wrestlemania. Who earned the right to be called the most viewed champion of the last five years. Ladies and gentlemen – say hello the Rated R Superstar – he is Edge!
**You think you know me….**
Edge and Lita appear from a cloud of smoke. Lita, Lita, Lita – wow. They make their way to the ring holding hands. Edge and Foley shake hands.
Foley: Edge – wait first….on behalf of all my WWE fans in regard to Lita – let me say for all of us…holy crap. I know you’re wondering what all this is about – the red carpet, expensive suit. It’s because that I am simply not going to apologize for having the greatest hardcore match in wrestling history at WM. We did that. I don’t care what people think. I don’t care about Tommy Dreamer or Terry Funk’s opinion. The truth is – you embody everything that hardcore is all about. Not that slime that oozed out of ECW. Which is why I am presenting you with this…
Reveals the Hardcore belt and presents it to Edge.
Foley: Because you’re hardcore, you’re hardcore, you’re hardcore. I know what you’re thinking Edgester. This was given to me as a retirement present, but you deserve the hardcore championship!
Edge fights back the tears – haha.
Edge: I don’t know what to say. (YOU SUCK chants) I mean…Mick you’re right. Everything that I’ve accomplished in my career I do deserve. But I can’t accept this. I can’t. I mean – it’s true all of that is true…but you forgot to mention one very important thing. I’ve got the hottest girl in Vegas coming to bed with me tonight. But Mick listen to me – you’re the original Hardcore legend. You had to toil in obscurity in bingo halls for years. You had to bite your tongue when Ric Flair called you a glorified stuntman. And while I did beat your ass at WM – I can’t do it. I can’t. You Mick Foley – you deserve to be the Hardcore champion.
Foley: Wait a second – I’m giving you a gift and now you’re giving it back. Now it is ironic that the man who called me a glorified stuntman earned his check at WM in a ladder match. But I think you deserve the hardcore championship. You think I deserve the hardcore championship. And as far as I can tell – there’s only one way to resolve the issue. It’s you and I – one more time to beat the living hell out of each other…right here tonight!
Edge: You wanna see it?? Mick Foley-Edge, hardcore one more time. I’ve got an even better idea.
Edge whispers in Lilian Garcia’s ear.
Lilian: Ladies and gentlemen – here are your new co-holders of the WWE Hardcore Championship, Edge and Mick Foley.
Foley and Edge raise the belt in the air.
**ECW music hits**
Paul Heyman is here!!!!! YEEEESSS! ECW chants!
Heyman: Las Vegas – give me just a little bit of advice here. This is the only state where it’s legal – as I find it ironic as I look in the ring and see live prostitution on Monday Night Raw. Ho, ho, ho, ho – (the crowd joins in). I’m sorry! Lita….I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to you Mick Foley. You see cards on the table – Mick Foley you’re a prostitute. Here you are – a legend, a man that gave his blood, his sweat, his tears, his sacrifice to entertain each of these people. Here you are a man that took time away from his family to entertain these people and you prostitute yourself away from them for Edge and Lita. You prostitute their love and their admiration for them? Hey Mick – you prostituted your name, you prostituted your legacies, but I’ll be damned if I sit here and prostitute the name of hardcore! Why don’t you Mick tell me what it’s like to look in the mirror and see the reflection and all that reflection is is a shell of your former self.
Foley: You know something Paul – I’m going to clear things up because that is not what I see when I look in the mirror. You know what I see – I see the co-holder of the WWE Hardcore championship. I see a WWE superstar. I see a real-life action figure. I see the author of the best-selling books including the one I’m working on now that will be available next spring. How ironic it is that you criticize me when you yourself, Paul, have nothing left. You’re not the GM of SD anymore. You don’t own your own company. You’ve got nothing Paul – no power. So go back in the hole of ground and let me, Edge, and Lita enjoy the admiration of the WWE fans.
Heyman: Don’t boo him – he’s right. I’m powerless. I have no more power. No Mick – I do. I do have the power to make a challenge. Gee, I’m in involved in this little concept called ECW One Night Stand live on PPV Sunday Night, June 11th. My suggestion to you at ECW ONS on June 11th we take the co-holders of the Hardcore title and match them up against any two scumbags to take the two of you through an extreme experience that neither one of you could ever deny.
Foley: You’re chock full of great suggestions, Paul. Why don’t I suggest you get the hell out of our WWE building. Why don’t you listen as I say no freaking way, Paul. What’s so damn funny?
Heyman: What I find funny is that here I am – I look at Mick Foley, I look at Lita, I look at Edge. I come to a realization that Lita is the only one in the ring with any nuts.
Edge: That’s it – I’m not putting up with it anymore. I don’t’ care who they are. You’re on at One Night Stand. Come on Mick – let’s show this dumb ass what hardcore is all about.
Heyman: That’s not a very good idea – you want to do this now? Well, if you want to do this now then meet your opponents for One Night Stand.
Tommy Dreamer and Terry Funk appear from the back and use several hardcore items on Foley and Edge. Foley goes knee first into the steel steps. Edge and Lita hop the security wall followed by Mick.
King pimps the Diva Search. Yank yank.
**RVD’s music hits**
This contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the Intercontinental Championship. Introducing first – Mr. Money in the Bank….Rob….Van….Dam.
They show last week’s happenings in the Texas Tornado Match.
**Ain’t no stopping me nooooooooooooooooow**
And making his way to the ring – the Intercontinental Champion, Shelton Benjamin.
Match 1: RVD vs. Shelton Benjamin
Big RVD chants. Lockup. RVD off the ropes and knocks Shelton down with a shoulder block. Back off the ropes – avoids a big hop and lands a big right. Shelton off the ropes now, grabs hold – kick from RVD. And he lands a vertical suplex immediately into a pin that gets two. Shelton lands a back elbow out of nowhere. Rights from Shelton now. RVD reverses a whip into the turnbuckle. RVD leaps over Shelton and lands a step-over heel kick. Rolling thunder…no, Shelton slides out of the ring and we go to an….ad break.
We’re back live with Shelton in control and locking in the rear headlock. RVD chants going. Shelton turned things around during the break by dropping RVD’s face on the turnbuckle following a powerbomb. RVD with a nearfall. RVD off the ropes – sunset flip gets another two. RVD goes for a vertical suplex, but Shelton lands on his feet and lands a neckbreaker for a count of two. Chinlock leg scissors locked in by Shelton. RVD fights to his feet, but Shelton pulls RVD’s hair and slams him to the mat. Shelton locks in another rear chinlock. RVD fighting out again with some elbows. Shelton sends RVD into the turnbuckle. Stinger Splash misses! RVD and Shelton exchanging rights. Shelton tries to slam RVD into the turnbuckle, but RVD lands a big kick. Springboard back kick by RVD. Tons of clotheslines now by RVD. Straight martial arts kick to Shelton. Standing moonsault gets two! RVD into the buckle and gets his leg up on a charging Shelton. Modified body scissors into a cradle by RVD gets two. RVD off the ropes – ROLLING THUNDER! Cover gets two! Shelton connecting with some rights now. RVD follows with some of his own. Shelton off the ropes, RVD misses a kick. Samoan drop attempt by Shelton, but he drills referee Chad Patton. And he is down with an ankle injury. Shelton goes to the outside and grabs his IC belt. Shelton looking to hit RVD with the belt, but RVD lands a modified Van Daminator and Patton is ringing in the bell.
WINNER via DQ: Shelton Benjamin (9:47)
RVD is pissed. Now he says screw it and heads to the top rope to land a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! Haha….sweeeet. RVD holds the belt high, drops it on Shelton, grabs his briefcase, and leaves the ring.
Vince is in the back talking with ZZ Top. Vince talks about how he beat Triple H awhile back for the WWE Title. Candice Michelle walks in and Vince tells ZZ Top to get acquainted with Candice. Vince has to go to the ring for the public apology.
They show us the Triple H/Shane/HBK thing again from last week. Vince acts like he’s never seen his son jump 50 feet from the Titan Tron or something. Sledgy is nothing compared to that.
**No chance…that’s what you’ve got…..**
Vince hits the ring.
Vince on the mic: Earlier tonight I said there was going to be a public apology tonight out here, and there damn well will be. The man who will apologize in a moment is the same individual who struck my son Shane with a sledgehammer. We have the public, and the only thing missing is the man who needs to apologize to me. Triple H – the public awaits.
YOU SUCK chants
Vince: Triple H – I said the public awaits. Triple H..???
**Behold the King…the King of Kings….**
Triple H appears from the back and slowly makes his way to the ring.
Vince: I think you have something you want to say to me. I said I think you have something you want to say to me. Before you say anything – let me remind you a couple things. Let me remind you of what Shawn Michaels once said to me. That I should act my age – that I shoudl move on. And since then Shawn Michaels life has been a living hell. And by the way – that living hell continues tonight when Shawn takes on all five members of the SS. And need I remind you what I said earlier – if I didn’t have a meaningful and sincere apology that there would be swift, vengeful retaliation. So I’m waiting for those two words.
Triple H: Two words? You want…two words? That works out great because I’ve got two words for ya. I’m sorry. (boos)
Vince: Did you hear that? I’m sorry! You know what – I will accept your apology. But I will accept it on one condition. That is tonight after the SS dismembers Shawn Michaels, I will then command you and you will only come out on my command and you will bring a sledgehammer with you and you will crush Shawn Michaels’ skull. Then I’ll accept your apology. Do we understand each other?
Triple H asks for a handshake and Vince accepts. When Vince tries to release Triple H holds on.
Triple H: We definitely have an understanding.
Vince’s music hits and he leaves the ring. King pimps the Cena-Masters showdown.
Some more crap about See No Evil.
Todd Grisham stands by with Kane.
Kane: May 19th…..that was the date when my mother and adopted family were killed in a fire. And I’ve fought my whole life to suppress those memories, those demons. And now May 19th has come and gone, and I have a new movie out in which I kill lots of people in unique and excruciating fashion. And tonight I have a match in which I plan to inflict insufferable pain on my opponent. If you want to know the truth…I’ve never been happier.
**Masters’ music hits**
Chris Masters goes through his three-pronged flex and hits the ring.
Huge CENA chants throughout the arena.
**Cena’s music hits**
And from Westbury, Massachusetts – he is the WWE Champion, John Cena.
Match 2: Chris Masters vs. John Cena
Masters taunts Cena by showing off the guns. Lockup as the crowd continues to chant Cena. Cena backs Masters into the corner and Masters uses a cheapshot to get out of it. Cena sends Masters into the ropes and lands a back elbow. And again. Cena off the ropes and lands an elbow drop. Cover gets 1. Masters off the ropes, Cena ducks the head, and Masters lands a big kick. Masters off the ropes – Cena going for an F U, but Masters slides off and lands a huge clothesline. Cena knocked to the floor by the Masterpiece. Masters brings Cena back into the ring and lands a standing vertical suplex. Cover gets two. Masters calling for the Master Lock. Masters has one arm locked, but Cena is fighting to keep the other arm from getting locked in. Masters is very close now, but Cena runs towards the ropes and sends both himself and Masters to the outside.
We’re back live as Cena is landing clothesline after clothesline. Masters sends Cena into the buckle but Cena gets his foot up. STFU out of nowhere and Masters taps.
WINNER: John Cena (6:15)
Cena celebrates with his belt in the ring.
**RVD’s music hits**
Rob Van Dam walks down the aisle with the briefcase in hand! RVD slides in the ring and Cena is ready to fight.
RVD on the mic: What’s up champ? In fact, savor the time you have with that title while I explain something. See I have a shot at the championship which is something that was not easy to come by. The only reason this came about was because I forced it – I won the money in the bank match at Wrestlemania. Otherwise, I would have never been awarded what I deserve. So I want to tell you something John. I’m not going to waste this opportunity where I will probably get screwed out of what I earned. Instead – I’d like to see this take place somewhere where I’m a lot more comfortable. Somewhere where the conditions work extremely well in my favor. I’m cashing in the Money in the Bank……June 11th at One Night Stand!
RVD throws down the briefcase and the mic. Cena gets in his face. RVD chants. Slap from RVD. And they are battling now! Back and forth with rights. RVD off the ropes and Cena lands a powerslam. Masters in the ring looking to hit Cena with the briefcase, but Cena gets rid of him. RVD with the briefcase – VAN DAMINATOR!! And RVD is getting booed. That sucks.
Carlito and Maria are in the back. Carlito is trying to get Maria to help him cheat in poker. He pulls an Ace of hearts from his afro. They walk into Snistky. Snitsky said he is hooking up with a showgirl. Maria thinks he sees her. Gene is pretty excited so he puts in a breathmint, rubs down the showgirl, and goes straight for the feet. Snitsky: “We can go see Kane’s new movie See No Evil….I once killed his unborn fetus, but we’re over that now.” HAHAHA! Of course, Goldust is the showgirl.
Carlito: You know they say – what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But that….is not cool.
Triple H in the back with sledgy. Shawn Michaels comes up from behind and wants to know why Triple H would apologize to Vince. Shawn says he always had respect for Triple H because up until now he always handled things like a man. Triple H says he does what he has to do. Shawn calls him a sellout and walks off.
Trevor Murdoch is in the ring on the mic.
Murdoch: The critics have made their choice. They saw Da Vinci Code. They saw See No Evil. And I’m pretty sure their pick for best leading actor will be Tom Hanks. That’s for sure…..oh yes – that’s for…
Kane makes his way to the ring.
Match 3: Kane vs. Trevor Murdoch
Kane hits the ring and pounds away on Murdoch. Murdoch fighting back now. Murdoch off the ropes with a knee chop. Kane with a GOOZLE and a chokeslam. That’s all.
WINNER: Kane (:38)
Kane looks to leave, but he decides not to. Goozle on Murdoch again. And another chokeslam! The crowd chants ONE MORE TIME so Kane goes for another. Now he sets the ringposts on fire and laughs like a crazy man.
Kane’s mask appears on the big screen as the lights flicker and we hear….
“You thought it was over on May 19th, Kane. This is only the beginning. This will never be over.”
This Week in Wrestling History Scott Hall showed up at Monday Night Nitro and basically began the Monday Night Wars.
**Torrie Wilson’s new music hits**
Torrie Wilson makes her way to the ring in skimpy hot little pink panties and a bra. She looked stunning. Her new music is “A Girl Like That” by Eleventh Hour.
**Mickie James’ music hits**
And making her way to the ring from Richmond, Virginia – the WWE Women’s Champion, Mickie James.
Match 4: Torrie Wilson vs. Mickie James
Lockup into a side headlock by Mickie. Torrie reverses it into a pinning combination for a two count. Torrie locks on her own side headlock. Mickie gets out of it and lands some jabs to Torrie’s midsection. Mickie throws Torrie into the buckle, but Torrie leapfrogs the charging Mickie and lands a kick. Nearfall for Torrie. Mickie sends Torrie into the ropes and hotshots Torrie’s breasts across the top rope. Mickie pounding the hell out of Torrie now. Spinning back kick by Mickie. And here comes the crazy ass DDT. And that’s all.
WINNER: Mickie James (1:54)
Mickie celebrates with the belt in the ring.
**Trish’s music hits to a huge reaction**
Trish Stratus appears from the back with a mic.
Trish: Relax, relax – you don’t have to know about Beth Phoenix illegally attacking you anymore. She can do it legally now. Allow me to introduce to you the newest WWE Diva – your old friend and my new friend, Beth Phoenix!
Beth Phoenix comes from the crowd and pounds on Mickie. Mickie lands a shot to the midsection and takes off into the crowd. Beth chases after her and Trish blows a kiss.
King pimps the HBK-Spirit Squad handicap match.
Viscera is in the ring on the mic.
Vis: All right everybody listen up because Big Vis has some big news. Now, Lilian baby I know we’ve had our problems before in the past. But the world’s largest love machine has come to realize that it is time to settle down. So you gonna bring your little sexy bottom in this ring or am I gonna have to come getchya? Come on baby – come on up in here. Real slow baby – real slow. Come on baby. Yeah that’s it.
Lilian comes into the ring.
Vis: Now see Lilian the last time we were in Las Vegas…..
Lilian: Are you kidding me? The last time we were in Las Vegas you dumped me for a bunch of Godfather hos.
Vis: You’re right baby – that’s my bad and I’m sorry. But there’s something I want to give you right now.
Viscera pulls something from his robe and it’s a cheeseburger.
Vis: It’s a cheeseburger baby. Listen if you go with me to one of those all-night chapels they have in Las Vegas I won’t have to eat one of these everyday. I will get to come home to your home cooking every night. I’m a 500 pound man. I’m hungry and I’m horny. Lilian, will you marry me? Come on baby – say yes.
Armando Alejandro Estrada comes from the back with a mic to interrupt.
Estrada: Everybody listen….haha…to me. May name es Armando Alejandro Estrrrrrraaada! And congratulations to the happy couple. Hey, I’m sure your future children are going to give a lot of people a lot of nightmares. Pero Lilian – chica – before you give big Vis an answer es una problema. You see Big Vis may be como se dice hungry for some action. Pero unfortunately for you Viscera so es the Samoan Bulldozer….Uuuuuuuuuuumaaaaaaaaaaaaaga!
**Umaga’s music hits**
Umaga makes his way to the ring. Vis attacks Umaga, but Umaga fights back now. Vis and Umaga exchanging right hands. Umaga gets his back slammed into the ring. Vis goes for a big charge at Umaga, but he moves and Vis runs into the ringpost. Huge kick to the face of Viscera. Vis is laying half in and half out of the ring. Umaga off the ropes and he lands a big headbutt. Umaga on the ring apron and he comes off with a shoulder block to Vis on the outside. Estrada calls for the thumb of destruction and GETS IT!
I’m not quite sure if I’m buying Umaga, but Estrada is money, cash, hos.
More See No Evil stuff.
Spirit Squad walks in the back. They run into Triple H. One of them tells him that when Mr. McMahon gives the signal he comes down and ends HBK once and for all. They ask Triple H to join in an “End of HBK” cheer, but he refuses.
– Spirit Squad came out for the main event. Squad flipped through the ropes into the ring. Shawn Michaels came to the ring with a chair in hand. J.R. said it could be the last time we see HBK wrestling in the ring. Before the match began, Vince came out. He told the referee to leave and take the chair. It will be interesting to see how this quarter hour does against the overtime period of Spurs-Mavericks Game Seven.
Kenny & Mikey & Nicky & Johnny & Mitch jumped HBK after the bell rang for an unofficial match. J.R. said Squad would be arrested for a mugging if this attack happened outside of the ring. Squad did the lift-up slam focusing on HBK’s back. Johnny did a back flip onto HBK. Kenny played copy-cat. Vince looked on with a smile. Mitch dropped a leg to the throat. Squad hit a double-team suplex. Mikey dropped an elbow from the second rope. Squad got down on all knees to form a pyramid. Johnny ran off the pyramid for a corner splash. Mikey went for a chair shot, but HBK cut him off with a boot to the gut. He flipped a Squadster over the top rope head-first into the trampoline. Sweet spot. HBK made his comeback cleaning the ring. Vince gulped. HBK hit a top rope elbow drop. HBK hit successive Sweet Chin Music shots before Mikey caught HBK’s knee with a sick chairshot as he went for a third SCM. Vince’s confident smile returned. Squad worked on the left knee. They ripped off HBK’s pant leg and worked on the exposed knee. “Triple H!” the fans chanted. “This is nothing but human torture,” Ross said. Squad placed HBK’s left knee inside a steel chair. Kenny hit his elevated dropkick directly onto the chair. Vince raised his arms in celebration. He took the mic and told Hunter to come out and finish the job. He told Hunter to bash HBK’s skull.
Hunter walked out on stage. He slowly walked to the ring. Ross and Lawler were somber. Hunter stared into the crowd. He told Squad to hold up HBK. Kenny stole the hammer from Hunter, who took a while to warm up. Kenny said he would take care of it. Hunter stood in the way. Kenny backed up. He charged again. Hunter caught him with a spinebuster. The Squad fed Hunter for knock down punches. Hunter tossed Squad members out of the ring before hitting the Pedigree. Hunter ripped off his t-shirt as the crowd exploded. HBK writhed in pain in the corner holding his left knee. Vince wasn’t pleased. The show closed with Hunter staring at Vince from the ring while Vince stared back. So much heat on this show-closing moment. Another great tease.