WWE RAW Opener:
RAW opened up with footage from last week looking at Shawn Michaels against the Spirit Squad, and then the post match beat down of the Heartbreak Kid until Marty Jannetty made the save. Vince McMahon then announced that next week, Jannetty would receive a WWE contract if he joins the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club, tonight! The fireworks then went off in the arena as Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler and the Coach welcomed us to the show! As well as the Kiss my Ass Club, the Coach will interview John Cena as well as Trish Stratus vs. Candice Michelle for the Women’s Title!
In the arena:
The music of Edge hit in the arena as he made his way down to the ring with Lita! Lita is nearly falling out of her top. WOW. Edge got on the mic and said that time is up for Mick Foley. Edge said last week he challenged him for a match at WrestleMania, so what is it, yes or no? He said he doesn’t know what Foley has planned from April 2, whether he will whore himself out at an Indy show or write another book that no one will read, but this has to be his best option. Edge told Lita to get the tickets out, and they are two plane tickets to Long Island, and they can be there by midnight. He said he will do it because he should be main eventing WrestleMania and it’s his fault that he’s not! Edge said if Mick isn’t man enough to show up, then they are going to make a little house call. The music of Mick Foley then hit! Foley made his way to the stage and said Edge has it all wrong, it’s not that he’s not man enough to come to Washington (cheap pop), but it was Edge who lost to John Cena at the Royal Rumble and two weeks ago on RAW, so if he’s looking for someone to blame, blame himself. He said Edge had it, and Edge choked. Edge said that the only choking that will happen is his hands on Foley’s throat at WrestleMania 22. Foley declined the match and Foley said he was a transitional champion on three occasions, making him the greatest transitional champion of all time! Foley said he has nothing to prove.
Edge told the crowd to shut up as they chanted for Foley, and said if he’s the Rated R Superstar, then Foley’s Rated O, for overrated. Edge said Foley won’t be remember for his title wins, he’ll be remembered for having his ear ripped off, being thrown off the Hell in a Cell and showing up in McMahon’s hospital room with a sock puppet. Edge called Foley pathetic, and that he has a lot to prove because he’s never won at WrestleMania! Edge said he’s had his count out’s and disqualification’s and dumpster matches, but he’s never had that classic legend making Mania performance that Foley craves! Edge said he’s never lost at WrestleMania, triangles ladder matches, TLC matches, he won in his hometown of Toronto, but that’s okay, tuck your tail between your legs because if Foley went against Edge at WrestleMania, he’d lose. Foley said Edge is right, Edge is younger and in better shape, and apparently he cares more about him than he does about Edge. Foley said he didn’t have one defining WrestleMania moment, so while he rejects the offer for a wrestling match at WrestleMania, but he’d like to challenge him to a match with no rules, no disqualifications and no excuses! Foley vs. Edge at WrestleMania in a Hardcore Match! Foley said just in case he needs to make up his mind, he’ll give them some help. Foley goes to the back and then comes back out with a barbwire baseball bat! Foley makes his way down to the ring and Edge and Lita bail into the crowd.
The World Tag Team Champions, Kane and the Big Show, are shown making their way towards the arena, and they defend those titles next!
World Tag Team Championship Match
The music of Kane and the Big Show hit in the arena as they made their way to the ring as the World Tag Team Champions, and they will be defending against Val Venis and Viscera.
Venis and Kane kicked things off and Venis hit some right hands and then charged at Kane, but Kane didn’t budge. Kane came back with a big boot and then hit a huge uppercut and some back elbows in the corner. Kane sent Venis to the opposite corner hard and then nailed a side slam. Kane went for a suplex but Venis reversed and then nailed a chopblock and a bulldog. Kane sat up and Venis tagged in Viscera. Kane hit an uppercut and then charged at Viscera and hit a clothesline in the corner. Viscera came back with a Samoan Drop for two and then hit some right hands and head butts.
Kane came back with a big boot and tagged in Big Show who hit a flying shoulder and then some clothesline to Venis. Show hit a big boot on Venis and then Show picked up Viscera and slammed him! Show dropped a leg on Viscera and covered but Venis broke the fall. Kane hit a flying clothesline off the top on Venis and then sent him outside. Show and Kane then hit a double chokeslam on Viscera for the win!
Winners and still World Tag Team Champions, Kane and The Big Show
Kane set off his pyro as he and the Big Show celebrated their big win here on RAW.
Todd Grisham is backstage with Ric Flair. Flair says that last Saturday, he celebrated his 57th birthday, and there is a huge faction of people out there who thought the Nature Boy had enjoyed his last title run. He said each and every day of his life gets better, and if you think the Nature Boy doesn’t have anything left in him, then you don’t know the Nature Boy!
Marty Jannetty is in the back with Michaels and Michaels said he is sorry he got caught up in this, but he doesn’t have to do this. Marty said it’s not Shawn’s fault, and what’s happening now is brought on by himself. He said he’s never kissed any ass, and he doesn’t want to do that now. He said things are different, he’s a little older, and he doesn’t have a job. He said he’s lucky to have a place to live. Marty tells Shawn to stay out of this one, and he’s desperate and needs this job.
Carlito is with Maria and he has an announcement to make. He says something in Spanish and then told her he said her beauty matches her wisdom. He said he just got done with speaking to Mr. McMahon and he granted his request for another Money in the Bank Ladder Match at WrestleMania. Carlito said this match is huge, and people have to fight for the honor, so we will have three qualifying matches. Carlito said he will win his match and then go on to WrestleMania, and that is cool.
Money in the Bank Qualifying Match
Trevor Murdoch is in the ring for this first Money in the Bank Qualifying Match, and he’ll be facing Rob Van Dam!
Murdoch jumped RVD and kicked away at him in the corner. RVD came back with some kicks of his own and then Murdoch nailed some right hands. RVD came back with more low kicks and then a leg sweep. Murdoch went for a slam but RVD reversed and hit a twisting leg drop and then went for Rolling Thunder but Murdoch got back up and then stepped through and hooked the leg in a cross leg breaker.
Murdoch made the ropes and then RVD sent him outside and went for a dive off the apron but Murdoch moved. Murdoch sent RVD back inside and stomped away at him before locking in a camel clutch variation. Murdoch nailed an elbow and then locked in a rear naked choke. RVD fought out and then Murdoch levelled him with a clothesline for a two count.
Murdoch went back to the rear naked choke but RVD fought out and then hit a boot in the corner. RVD hit a spin kick on Murdoch in the corner and then hit a rolling monkey flip. Van Dam hit a heel kick and then nailed Rolling Thunder for two. RVD hit a windmill kick to the face and then went up and nailed the Five Star for the win.
Winner Rob Van Dam
RAW in the Philippines:
Footage is shown of the RAW Brand touring the Philippines with comments from Big Show, John Cena, Carlito, Maria and Trish Stratus.
Women’s Championship Match
Mickie James is in the ring and introduces us to the greatest Women’s Champion in WWE history, and her best friend, Trish Stratus! Torrie Wilson then made her way to the stage and said for everyone to get on their feet and welcome the next Playboy Covergirl, and the next Women’s Champion, Candice Michelle.
Candice hit Trish in the back with the wand and then kicked her in the ribs. Candice choked Trish with her boot in the corner and then hit some knees to the gut. Candice did the Go Daddy dance and then went for another kick but Trish blocked and then shoved Candice down and went to work with right hands. Trish did the Matrish and then hit a dropkick for two.
Trish hit some forearms and then choked Candice with her boot in the corner. Candice hit a drop toe hold sending Trish into the bottom rope and then stood on her. Candice slammed Trish face first into the canvas but Trish came back with a sunset flip but Candice sat down on it and grabbed the ropes but the referee spotted it and then Trish rolled her up for the win!
Winner and still Women’s Champion, Trish Stratus
Mickie bowed down to Trish in the ring and then hugged her, and Trish looked embarrassed. Mickie’s head was in Trish’s crotch and Trish shoved her off. Mickie didn’t know what she did wrong as Trish made her way to the back.
During the break:
Torrie is apologizing to Candice backstage, and then Candice levelled Torrie with a huge slap.
In the arena:
Coach is in the ring and the mic isn’t working, so he gets a new one and introduces us to the WWE Champion, John Cena! Cena is getting a very mixed reaction and Coach said last week Triple H won the right to face him for the WWE Title at WrestleMania, and Triple H is a ten time champion, and arguably the greatest wrestler alive today. Coach asked Cena if he really thinks he has a chance. Cena grabbed the mic and took off Coach’s glasses and went to speak, but then the music of the Game then hit as he made his way down to the ring! Triple H got on the mic and told Coach to take his seat and he can handle this one. Triple H said that before Cena answer’s Coach’s question, he needs to think about what he just told him. He said that please tell him that he wasn’t just about to tell the whole world that you can beat him. Cena laughed and said it’s like this. He said he’s been here for four years, and he knows four years ago when he walked through the door, he probably said that jackoff won’t last 2 weeks. He said he lasted long enough to get him a main event shot at WrestleMania 22, against the King of Kings, Triple H, for the WWE Championship. He said he’ll be honest with him, he doesn’t have his resume, and like these people, he doesn’t have his respect, but going into WrestleMania there is one thing he’s got that Triple H don’t, he’s got the title. Triple H said excuse him if he’s not afraid of the guy who’s one big move is pumping up his reeboks!
Triple H said Cena is the champ, and he heard Edge and Foley talking out here earlier talking about transitional champions. He said transitional champions are in the right place at the right time, and it’s a matter of time before that title goes back around the waist of the man who truly deserves to wear it, and that is called a transitional champion, and that’s all that Cena is. He said don’t get him wrong, he knows Cena is tough, and he has seen him take some really bad ass kicking’s and he keeps getting up, he never quits. He’s like Rocky Balboa. He’s got all this passion and heart and desire and dedication. He happens not to be a very good wrestler, but in the movies, Rocky Balboa always finds a way to win. But this isn’t the movies John, this is real life, and in real life, you can’t beat the bad guy. Cena said thank you, you just won him 50 bucks in the “I know what Triple H is gonna say when he comes down here pool”. Cena said he’s heard that from every person who’s stepped into the ring with him. Cena asked Triple H what makes him any different from any of them.
Triple H said he doesn’t even have to answer that question, because Cena knows the answer deep down inside his heart. The fact is that looking into his eyes, that scares the crap out of him. Cena said fact, he’s not the companies greatest athlete. Fact, Triple H is a ten time champion. Fact, Triple H has beaten every top superstar in this business. He can walk down to this ring without the title and say he’s the best, and the people will agree with him. Cena said if that makes him afraid of Triple H, then he has his facts twisted. He said on the long line of superstars that Triple H has decimated on the way to the top, there’s one name that’s not on the list, John Cena. And that is a fact. Cena and Triple H got nose to nose and then McMahon comes on the Tron and says to hold up. Vince said that prior to WrestleMania, they are going to be tag team partners on Saturday Nights Main Event on NBC and they will face the three individuals representing Smackdown’s main event at WrestleMania. So it will be Triple H and John Cena against Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton and Kurt Angle! McMahon wished them good luck and Cena and Triple H can’t believe it!
Money In The Bank Qualifying Match
Shelton Benjamin made his way to the ring with his momma as the Intercontinental Champion, and he’s set for this Money in the Bank Qualifying Match against Chavo Guerrero!
The two locked up and Shelton hit some right hands but Chavo came back with some uppercuts and then Shelton elevated Chavo high in the air and he crashed down to the canvas. Shelton hit some mounted right hands and then choked Chavo over the top rope. Shelton nailed a snapmare and then locked in a rear naked choke as momma looked on with a smile. Chavo came back with a dropkick and then some right hands and then a flying forearm. Chavo nailed a standing dropkick and then Shelton went for the T-Bone but Chavo blocked.
Shelton missed the Stinger Splash and Chavo hit the tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Chavo nailed the Three Amigo’s but Shelton blocked the third and tossed Chavo to the outside. Momma stands up and tells Shelton to get out here and finish him. Momma distracted the referee and Shelton went for a suplex but Chavo reversed into a DDT! Randy Orton then hit the ring and levelled Chavo with an RKO! Shelton covers for the win!
Winner: Shelton Benjamin
WWE Hall of Fame:
Joining Bret Hart and Eddie Guerrero in the Hall of Fame on April 1st in Chicago will be Mean Gene Okerlund and he will be inducted by Hulk Hogan!
McMahon is shown in the back talking on the phone and Shawn Michaels comes in. Michaels said this is between him and McMahon, and please leave Marty out of this. McMahon said he doesn’t know what it is, all day long, just being in the nations capital he has the feeling of power. Imagine if Bush made Jacques Chirac kiss his ass, but that’s not too likely. What is likely is Marty Jannetty will in fact kiss his ass. McMahon said Michaels needs to listen to his friend, he gave him some good advice. He said if Michaels gets involved, he too could be a member of the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club!
Money In The Bank Qualifying Match
The music of Carlito hit in the arena as he made his way down to the ring for this Money in the Bank Qualifying Match and he will be facing…
Carlito and Flair locked up and Flair took Carlito down with a side headlock. Carlito broke the hold and knocked Flair down, but Flair came back with a hip toss and then another side headlock takedown. Carlito rolled Flair over for a one count and then fought to his feet and backed Flair to the corner. Carlito hit some right hands and kicks in the corner and then stomped away at the Nature Boy. Carlito slapped Flair in the face and then Flair came back with chops to the chest. Flair hit a back body drop and then more chops in the corner. Carlito bailed to the outside as we go to commercial.
Back on RAW and Flair is down on the outside and during the break, Carlito hit a back cracker on the Nature Boy. Back to live action and Carlito hit a back drop on the floor. Carlito hit some right hands and then suplexed Flair back inside the ring and covered for two. Carlito locked in a rear chin lock on Flair as the fans got behind the Nature Boy. Flair fought out and then nailed some chops but then Carlito nailed an enziguri and Flair flopped to the canvas and Carlito covered for two. Carlito took down his knee pad and then strutted around mocking Flair, and went for a knee drop but Flair moved.
Flair nailed more chops and then strutted before going up top. Carlito went to stop him, but Flair thumbed the eyes. Flair dived off but Carlito hit a mid-air dropkick of two. Carlito went to the outside and grabbed his apple. Carlito took a bite and then Flair kicked him in the head and covered Carlito and grabbed the top rope for leverage and the referee didn’t see it and Flair is going to WrestleMania!
Winner – Ric Flair
McMahon is in the bank and took down his pants and is checking out his ass. McMahon looks to be ina jovial mood and the Kiss My Ass Club is up next!
In the arena:
The Spirit Squad are in the ring and do a chant about the Kiss My Ass Club. These guys suck. Vince McMahon then makes his way to the ring. McMahon said the Spirit Squad reminds him of the Rockers, they had that same spirit but then Michaels and Jannetty went separate ways. Michaels became a multi time WWE Champion, an all time great in the industry, and then you have Michaels’ friend and former tag team partner Marty Jannetty, and his career has been a downward spiral and he will hit rock bottom here tonight. McMahon then introduces us to the man who will be begging him for a job, here is Marty Jannetty. Jannetty made his way to the ring to the Rockers music. McMahon said last week, he looked pretty good out here helping his pal out, but he doesn’t look so good at the moment. McMahon asked if Jannetty is going to back out of this. McMahon said Jannetty needs this job, and it’s not any secret that Jannetty is flat broke, so he desperately needs this job. McMahon said he shouldn’t have the sour puss look on his face, and he’s no different than anyone in this arena tonight, and they are no different than anyone around the world, they all kiss their bosses ass. Admit it!
McMahon said he won’t be doing anything that they don’t do each and every day, and told Jannetty to get on his knees. McMahon took off his jacket and told him to get on his knees again. Jannetty didn’t move, and McMahon yelled at him to get on his damn knees. Jannetty got on his knees and McMahon unbuckled his belt and said excuse him while he whips this out. McMahon asked Lilian what she’s smiling at and then took out his ass, and he’s wearing a damn thong. McMahon said there are flash bulbs popping everywhere, and that’s not just a normal ass, it’s a magnificent ass! McMahon said with that in mind, go ahead and kiss his ass, he’ll even bend over for him. McMahon bent over and shook his ass around and told Jannetty to kiss it. Marty stood up and McMahon is pissed. Jannetty said there must be some other way, and McMahon said alright, maybe he got a little carried away. McMahon called Chris Masters down to the ring, and out he came. McMahon called for a chair in the ring and said to take at look at this magnificent physique. He said Jannetty doesn’t have to endure the humiliation of kissing his ass, he has to do the one thing that no man has ever done, break the Master Lock. He said he’ll be the referee for this thing, and Jannetty needs to sit down in the chair and Masters is going to apply a full nelson and if he breaks the Master Lock, he will get his contract.
Masters locked in the Master Lock and McMahon screamed to break his neck. Jannetty started to fight up and then McMahon kicked him in the balls. McMahon said Jannetty is going to kiss his ass whether he likes it or not! Masters tried to shove Jannetty into his ass and then Michaels hit the ring! Michaels hit right hands on Masters and then nailed Sweet Chin Music and McMahon is caught with his pants down! Michaels grabbed the steel chair and then Shane came from behind and levelled Michaels! Shane nailed Michaels right in the head with a chair, hard! Michaels is down and out and Vince said if Michaels wants to fight a McMahon so bad, at Saturday Nights Main Event it’s Michaels one on one with his son Shane! Shane then spoke to Vince, and Vince said he had a brilliant idea, and then Shane went over to the knocked out Michaels and dragged him over to Vince and shoved his face right in Vince’s ass! Vince said Shawn Michaels has just kissed his ass, and Vince said he will be kicking Shawn’s ass at WrestleMania!
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