WWE RAW Opener:
RAW opened up with a video package highlighting last nights Elimination Chamber Match at New Years Revolution, which saw John Cena walk out on top, retaining his WWE Championship. Edge then shocked the world by cashing in on his Money in the Bank contract, and defeated a bloody and battered Cena to become the WWE Champion! The fireworks then went off in the arena for the start of RAW as Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler and the Coach welcomed us to the show!
In the arena:
The music of John Cena hit in the arena as he made his way to the ring to a mixed reaction from the crowd, and he looks fired up here tonight on RAW! Cena grabbed a microphone and asked the crowd if they can’t get any louder than that, and if they are gonna go at it, then go at it! Cena got his usual mixed reaction and said that he thinks that life is full of choices. Last night, Edge had a very opportunistic time and cashed in his Money in the Bank, and beat him for the WWE Championship. He said just like tonight the people are making choices, and some people have decided that he sucks. The crowd reaction was mixed once again as Cena said some folks made a choice to ride with him. Some of the crowd popped as he said through the good times and the bad times, not just because it was the cool thing to do. Allen Iverson once said, there’s a million people who love him, then there’s 10 million that hate him. So what does he do? He goes to bat for each and every one of the those soldiers that ride with him, and for the 10 million drinking hatorade, they can kiss his ass! He said tonight, he’s making a choice. Tonight, he is making a choice to cash in on his rematch clause, and tonight he wants him some of Edge right here and right now for the WWE Championship! The music of Edge then hit as Lita made her way to the stage carrying the WWE Championship belt! There was no sign of Edge and Lita has a mic. She said if Cena wants another chance to be champion, then he’s luck, but just not tonight.
Lita said the new WWE Champion, Edge, well he sees things a little bit differently. Edge thought it would be a good idea if she talked to Mr. McMahon and after some oral persuasion he agreed that the rematch clause cannot be revoked until the Royal Rumble! She asked Cena if he had been online today yet, because Edge isn’t going to be doing any fighting tonight, but something else starting with the letter F. The only wrestling he’ll be doing is with her, in the middle of the ring. They are going to walk down there, take off their clothes and get in bed. And unlike Cena last night, Edge will last longer than two minutes. She said it will be her and Edge, and the WWE Title. She said unlike all the people in the building, Edge knows what to do in bed, and unlike Cena, Edge knows what to do in the ring, and that’s why he will beat Cena at the Royal Rumble, and you can bank on that! She said tonight, Edge will do what none of these boys in the building can get done, and that’s get laid. If you can’t see that, then you can’t see me! Cena called her a one woman hooker parade and there may be a lot of people in here that thinks he sucks, but everyone knows she does! He told Lita to tell Edge that he did make a wise choice cashing in last night, and he left Cena with no choice. He said at the Royal Rumble when he meets Edge, he will beat his ass! Cena said she can bank on that, bitch!
Tonight, Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels will take on Carlito and Chris Masters and the Women’s Title will be on the line between Trish Stratus and Ashley, and that is next!
Women’s Championship Match
Back on RAW, and Mickie James is in the ring as the music of the Women’s Champion, Trish Stratus hit. Mickie got on the mic and said that is not the type of ovation you give the Women’s Champion and told Trish to back up the aisle and to give it up for the greatest Women’s Champion of all time! Ashley then made her way to the ring as the opponent for Trish tonight!
Trish and Ashley went to lock up but Mickie got in the ring and Trish asked what she was doing. Mickie got out of the ring as Trish and Ashley locked up. Ashley grabbed a hammerlock but Trish reversed. Ashley reversed again and then grabbed a side headlock, and then a hammerlock again. Trish hit a fireman’s carry for two before they tied up again. Trish grabbed a side headlock and took Ashley down to the mat and Ashley countered with a headscissors. Trish took Ashley down with a headlock again before going for a headscissors out of the corner, but Ashley blocked and dropped Trish on her face and made a cover but Mickie then hit the ring and went to work on Ashley, like a crazy woman!
Winner by disqualification, Ashley, but still Women’s Champion, Trish Stratus
Trish kept pulling Mickie off of Ashley and looked pissed at what Mickie has done here. Trish kept asking why and blocking Mickie. Ashley made her way to the back as the winner by disqualification and Trish looked concerned for her and left Mickie in the ring.
Rob Van Dam:
Back on RAW and we get a video package for Rob Van Dam! He’ll be back in the Royal Rumble Match!
John Cena is backstage and Mr. McMahon comes in. McMahon congratulates him on winning the Elimination Chamber match. Vince said that was perfect Edge last night, but he has his rematch at the Royal Rumble. McMahon said there is another first time here tonight, they are having this live sex celebration, and it’s the first time we’ve had anything like that, and he wants to make sure no one interferes with that. Cena said he’s got two people having sex in the middle of the ring, and he’s going to enjoy it like everyone else. McMahon said if Cena interferes for any reason, the rematch at the Royal Rumble will not happen. Cena said between you and me, you may went to check the arena because there are some tracks left from the oral persuasion!
Masters is shown and he grabs Carlito against the wall and he’s pissed after Carlito turned on him last night in the Elimination Chamber! Masters asked if he could count on Carlito tonight, and if he can’t, he’s going to put him in the Master Lock, and that’s cool. Carlito said it was an accident was we went to commercial.
Royal Rumble Qualifying Match
The music of Rob Conway is playing in the arena, and he’s already in the ring for a Royal Rumble Qualifying Match and he’ll be facing Chavo Guerrero!
Conway and Chavo locked up as the crowd chanted “Eddie, Eddie”. Conway hit a shoulder block to knock Chavo down and then Chavo came back with right hands. Chavo sent Conway to the corner but Conway came back with right hands of his own. Chavo nailed a clothesline, and then another. Chavo hit a knee lift but then Conway tossed Chavo to the outside, but Chavo went to skin the cat, and Conway hit a knee to the back sending him to the floor. Conway followed out and sent Chavo back first into the apron, and then the barricade before tossing Chavo back in the ring and covering for two.
Conway locked in a head vice as the fans chanted “Eddie”. Chavo fought to his feet and escaped with elbows but Conway hammered the back. Chavo came back with an enziguri sending Conway to the outside, and then Chavo hit a pescado over the top onto Conway! Chavo sent Conway back inside and hit a running clothesline, and then another. Chavo hit a tilt a whirl headscissors and then some mounted punches in the corner but Conway threw him off and then Chavo hit a standing dropkick for a near fall.
Chavo charged at Conway, but ate boot. Chavo came back with a cross body and Conway rolled through for two. Conway dropped Chavo, and then mocked him before going for the Ego Trip but Chavo reversed into the Three Amigos! Chavo headed up top and came off with the Frog Splash and nailed it! Chavo Guerrero is going to the Royal Rumble!
Winner – Chavo Guerrero
WrestleMania Big Time Moment:
We are taken to footage from the Money in the Bank Ladder Match from last years WrestleMania with Edge coming out on top.
Shawn Michaels is shown getting ready in the back and Kurt Angle and Daivari come in. They get in each others face and Angle said he had Cena ready to tap out. Shawn Michaels said he kicked him in the face, but only after Angle busted him open. He said neither of them walked out with the WWE Championship. He said last night they were opponent, but tonight Vince McMahon has made them partners. Michaels asked if he could trust Angle. Angle pointed out his Gold Medal and said he’s full of integrity. Angle said Michaels is notorious for stabbing people in the back, and the question is if he can trust Shawn. Angle said the zero tolerance policy applies to him as well as McMahon.
Shelton Benjamin is shown with his mamma, and Val Venis is in the background. His mamma goes up to him and he introduces himself. She said she’s seen him in the movie or two. Val said he’s done a few adult films like Saving Ryan’s Privates and Hairy Twater. She then said she hadn’t seen him before and she’s a good Christian woman! She said Venis is going to hell, and he’s going to hell tonight!
Referee: Jack Doan
The music of Carlito hit in the arena and last night at the Elimination Chamber, he made it to the final two after double crossing the Masterpiece, who he will be teaming with tonight against Shawn Michaels and Kurt Angle! Masters and Carlito argue in the ring as Kurt Angle makes his entrance with Daivari, followed by Shawn Michaels.
Carlito and Masters jumped Angle and Michaels and all four men went at it. Angle hit a nice uppercut on Masters and tossed him to the outside, and then Michaels hit a back elbow on Carlito. Michaels worked over Carlito with a side headlock on the mat and then Carlito went to send him to the ropes but Michaels pulled the hair of Carlito to hold on. Michaels nailed a shoulder block and then Carlito came back with a hip toss. Michaels tripped Carlito and tagged in Angle.
Angle took Carlito down with a side headlock as Daivari screamed on. Carlito fought to his feet and sent Angle to the ropes but Angle came back with a fireman’s carry and went back to the side headlock. Carlito escaped with shots to the mid section and then hit a back suplex. Carlito kicked at Angle in the corner and then gave him a boot, but Angle came back with a huge clothesline for two. Michaels tagged in and sent Carlito the corner before unleashing some chops to the chest. Carlito came back with a kick to the face and made the tag to Masters.
Michaels nailed some chops to Masters and then tagged in Angle. Angle nailed a shot to the shoulder, and then took Masters down with a top wrist lock. Masters escaped and shoved Angle down before working over him in the corner with right hands. Masters ate boot on the charge and then Angle nailed a nice uppercut. Masters came back with a powerslam and then signalled for the Master Lock. Masters went for it but Angle countered into a German suplex! Angle charged at Masters, but Masters moved and Angle hit the ring post and fell to the outside. Masters then knocked Michaels off the apron and both men are down on the outside. Angle and Michaels argued on the outside as we go to commercial.
Back on RAW and Carlito is in control of Kurt Angle, choking him in the corner. Carlito stomped away at Angle but then Angle came back with a German suplex, and then an overhead belly to belly! Carlito tagged in Masters while Angle tagged Michaels. Michaels nailed some chops to the chest and then a flying forearm. Michaels hit an atomic drop and then a clothesline. Michaels hit a clothesline to Carlito and then tossed him outside. Michaels slammed Masters and then headed up top and came off with the elbow drop! Michaels started to tune up the band but Carlito dragged him into the ring post, which looked to be a low blow. Masters tagged Carlito who covered for two as the fans chanted “That’s not cool!”
Carlito locked in a rear naked choke on Michaels but he fought to his feet. Michaels then charged at Carlito but Carlito nailed a standing dropkick for a near fall. Carlito went back to the rear chin lock as the fans chanted for “HBK”. Michaels fought out but then Carlito hit a lung buster! Carlito went for his finisher but Michaels shoved him off and then hit a back body drop. Michaels went for the tag but Angle walked to the other corner, as Daivari was pointing something out to him. Masters tagged in and hammered away on Michaels. Masters hit a press slam on Michaels and then called for the Master Lock. Masters went for it but Michaels dropped out and kicked Masters away, and then planted him with a DDT! Michaels is bleeding from his wound in the Chamber last night.
Angle walked off from the tag again and Michaels looked pissed. Michaels nailed Angle with a right hand and threw him into the ring and laid him out with Sweet Chin Music! Masters looked confused and locked in the Master Lock on Angle and Angle is out of it! Michaels waved Angle goodbye. Daivari yelled at Michaels in the aisle, and he got the Sweet Chin Music too! The referee called for the bell, and Angle is passed out.
Winners – Carlito and Chris Masters
Angle screamed at Michaels as he was down on the mat as Masters and Carlito celebrated their huge win here over the two veterans!
A promo aired for WrestleMania 22 to the music of “Big Time” by Peter Gabriel.
Michaels is shown backstage and McMahon comes up and asked if he’s OK? McMahon said he was a mess and asked if Michaels thinks he got one over on him by leaving Angle high and dry tonight? That’s the old Shawn Michaels. He said he bets it’s the guy he sees next week. McMahon said he can trust him to make the very best matches every week, which is why next week it’s Michaels vs. Angle one on one and the score is even with both having wins over each other. He said next week they’ll be moving on and to get the cut on his head checked out because it looks nasty.
Todd Grisham is in the back with Triple H. Triple H said last night, the night that shook the World when the guy who was on top for nine months, the guy who couldn’t be beaten, was beaten. By a guy who wasn’t even in the picture last week. He said the one constant around here is him. If he says something is going to happen, it will happen. He told Todd and he told the Big Show. Last night, 7 foot 500 pounds fewll before him. He said that he is going to go to the Royal Rumble, and he’s going to win. He said he will go to WrestleMania and become WWE Champion. He doesn’t care if it’s Edge or John Cena. Mark his words, at WrestleMania, the king of kings will be back on his throne!
Candice, Victoria and Torrie Wilson are shown in the bed which will be used tonight for Edge and Lita’s WWE Championship celebration.
We are taken to footage from WWE.com with Edge outside the arena from last night. Edge said he worked his entire life for this, and everyone doubted him, but they can’t anymore. Lita said it was time for a celebration, and everyone knows about their hot, torrid sex. Edge said he will celebrate it his way, and said they are going to have live, torrid sex in the ring live on RAW. He said he is the champ and calls the shots. Lita went to kiss him and he said save it for tomorrow as they got in their car and left.
Dancing With The Stars:
Footage is shown of Stacy Keibler on ABC’s Dancing With The Stars. Comments were shown from Stacy, and she and her partner advanced to the next round with their performance.
Royal Rumble Qualifying Match
The music of Shelton Benjamin hit in the arena as he made his way to the ring with his mamma, and he is set for action with Val Venis in this Royal Rumble Qualifying Match!
Benjamin attacked Venis from behind and hammered him with right hands in the corner. Venis came back with rights of his own, and then hit a big shoulder to knock Benjamin down and to the outside. His mamma helped him up as Venis went over. Mamma got in the face of Venis as Shelton got back in the ring. Benjamin hit a huge knee lift to Venis as he entered the ring and then hammered away with right hands. Benjamin nailed a slam and then a forearm to the back.
Benjamin locked in a rear chin lock on Venis as mamma looked on approvingly. Venis fought out and they traded right hands. Venis hit a series of chops and then a clothesline. Venis hit a back elbow, and then a half nelson slam for a two count. Benjamin tripped Venis but Venis kicked him off. Benjamin got an inside cradle for two and then Benjamin went for the Dragon Whip, but Venis ducked and hit a spinebuster. Venis went up top for the Money Shot but Benjamin moved!
Shelton then rolled Venis up but Val kicked out! Shelton hit some knees to the head but Venis came back sending Benjamin to the corner. Benjamin missed a splash and Venis rolled him up for two. Benjamin hit some right hands in the corner and then went for the T-Bone but Venis blocked it. Mama then stabbed Venis in the ass with a hair pin and then Benjamin hit the T-Bone for the win!
Winner – Shelton Benjamin
Royal Rumble Qualifying Match
The music of Kane hit in the arena and he made his way to the ring as one half of the World Tag Team Champions for this Royal Rumble Qualifying Match against Snitsky, who was already in the ring.
Snitsky hammered away at Kane as he entered the ring, and laid him out with a clothesline. Kane sat up and nailed Snitsky with a big boot and then sent Snitsky to the corner and followed up with a clothesline. Kane hit a side slam and then signalled for the chokeslam and nailed iut for the win!
Winner – Kane
Kane got on the mic and said that was just the first casualty on his path to WrestleMania. 29 more await him at the Royal Rumble. 29 victims. Kane laughed and then set off his pyro.
A limo is shown pulling up to the arena, and out came Edge, the Rated R Superstar and WWE Champion! Lita ran up to him and went to kiss him, but he said to save it for the live sex celebration, and they are going to celebrated like only the Rated R Superstar knows how!
A bed is set up in the ring as the new WWE Champion, Edge, made his way to the ring with Lita for this live sex celebration! “Coach, hand me a Kleenex” – Jerry Lawler. Edge got on the mic and said “The Champ is Here!” He repeated it and the crowd booed. Edge said the best part is, none of the people saw it coming. All of the people who like to think they can predict what can happen in the ring, he outsmarted all of them. In the most unpredictable move in the history of the business, he cashed in his Money in the Bank after the Elimination Chamber. He fooled them all, including the former WWE Champion John Cena. He said they just about killed themselves in the Chamber last night, and why bother. In this industry, you don’t have to be the biggest, the strongest or the toughest, but you do have to be the smartest. He said he saw his opportunity, he bided his time, just like he was with his lovely lady, Lita. He said he saw what he wanted, and like a thief in the night, he saw what he wanted, and took everything he wanted. He said last night he took what he wanted most, more than anything else in the world, the WWE Championship. He said his name looks so good on it, but before they move on, he would like to reminisce about his past accomplishments in the WWE. A video package aired looking at the history of Edge in the WWE. It was a really good video package, ending with his WWE Championship win last night at New Years Revolution. Edge said after watching that, he has to admit that he is awesome. He said he’s done some serious business in the WWE, and he said that he and Lita have saved themselves for tonight, because the Rated R Superstar wanted to celebrate his way with live, torrid, passionate sex on RAW.
Edge said it’s time to let the celebrations begin. Some music hit, and the lights dimmed. Edge took off his boots and socks and then Lita sat on the bed and Edge took off her boots. Edge unbuttoned Lita’s top revealing her bra. Lita removed Edge’s jacket and then his tee-shirt. Edge then took off Lita’s skirt and she is now in her bra and panties. Lita unbuttoned Edge’s pants and now he’s in just his boxers. They made out and then Edge bent Lita over the bed. Edge started to unbutton her bra and they made out some more. Edge pushed Lita onto the bed and they got under the covers. Edge got on top of Lita and then tossed the bra off, but Lita is under the covers. Edge went down on her under the covers and he has her panties in his mouth. Edge went back under the covers and now Lita is on top and she went down and then Edge pulled out the WWE Title and sat it next to his head. The music of Ric Flair then hit out of nowhere as he made his way to the stage! Flair asked them if they were kidding him, and they are a disgrace to the WWE Championship! He said it takes blood, sweat and tears, and years of hard work to prove you are championship quality. Flair said Edge was a bad champion and is dead in the bed! Flair took off his jacket and said once again the Nature Boy has to show him how to do it!
Flair started to strut down to the ring as Edge started to get dressed. Flair nailed Edge with right hands and chops and Edge bailed. Flair followed out and Edge nailed him with the steel chair! Edge started to take apart the announce table and Flair is busted. Edge got Flair on the announce table, and slammed him into the steel chair which was laying on it. Edge then grabbed another chair and gave him a conchairto on the announce table! The crowd booed and John Cena exploded through the crowd and went to work on Edge with right hands. Edge bailed to the back with his belt and Lita is still in the bed, naked. Edge looked on from the aisle as Cena took off his shirt. Cena saw Lita and she went under the covers. Cena peeked under there and laughed and said not bad. The crowd chanted heavily for Cena as he pulled off the covers, and she has a tee-shirt on now. Cena picked up Lita to give her the FU and told Edge to get in the ring. Edge didn’t come back to make the save, and Cena gave her the FU. Cena tipped over the bed and Edge looked pissed in the aisle and Lita is down and out as RAW went off the air!
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