On Sunday night, we saw John Cena retain the WWE title in an ‘I Quit’ match when Cena taunted Bradshaw with the exhaust pipe of the Cena-semi truck. What will happen tonight between these two men? What is next for the other three champions on the Smackdown brand who were able to retain their titles? Will anyone be Heidenreich’s friend? What feat of strength will Matt Morgan pull off tonight as Carlito’s newest friend? Will we get to see the John Cena ‘Bad Bad Man’ video one more time? Will Kurt Angle get his wish of ‘bestiality sex’ with Sharmell (otherwise known as Booker She)?
Despite the fact that Buck Woodward is not watching Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, he is absent from his usual duties of running through the latest episode of Smackdown. In his place, I will try to uphold the honor of Buck’s work, which is not always easy with the Smackdown brand.
We start off tonight’s show with photos from the ‘I Quit’ match from Judgment Day, including John Cena running the exhaust pipe into Bradshaw, who had just quit.
We are live, on tape from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and your announcers are Tazz and Michael ‘Potsie’ Cole.
It is time to go to Carlito’s Cabana as Carlito walks to the ring with Matt Morgan. Carlito welcomes us to his Cabana, and says that Judgment Day was ‘cool’. Carlito says that his guest tonight is the man who made the biggest impact at Judgment Day. After a brutal battle, he earned the respect of not only the fans, but the people in the locker room. Carlito’s guest is Carlito himself. Carlito reminds us that he is cool. His first question is how did he beat the Big Show all by himself. Carlito says that he loves the Cabana and he says that he could not do it without the help of his big backup, Matt Morgan. Carlito tells Matt that his actions at Judgment Day spoke louder than his words. We see footage of Matt Morgan giving Big Show an F-5 at the pay per view. Carlito says that he could look at it all day. He says that Matt made Big Show look like a little baby, and that is cool. With Matt Morgan behind him, Carlito says that he can beat Big Show any day. From out of nowhere, it is time for the Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long (with the walk of the swinging arms) to come to the ring. Carlito wants to know why Teddy is interrupting the Cabana because that is not cool. Teddy says that it is not cool to run your mouth when ‘your stuttering friend’ helps him win. Teddy tells Carlito to tell Matt that if he steps on his feet, Matt will be sus-sus-suspended. Teddy talks about how the draft will be in two weeks and reminds us that next week is the last night for someone on Smackdown, and that includes Carlito and Matt. Teddy has an idea. There will be a ‘winners choice’ battle royal where the winner will get a match against any person of their choice as long as they are on Smackdown. Carlito likes the idea and wants to be in. He says that he wants to face John Cena for the WWE title when he wins. Carlito says that he already beat John Cena for a title, so why not do it again. Teddy also announces another match for tonight. Since Carlito said that he can beat the Big Show on any day, that day is today because Carlito will face Big Show. We go to commercial with the ECW pay per view commercial.
We are back and Rey Mysterio Junior is in the locker room getting ready. Josh Mathews wants to have a few words with Rey. Josh wants to know if Rey will be physically able to wrestle tonight in the battle royal after being brutally beaten with a chair by Eddie Guerrero at Judgment Day. Rey says that Eddie should have done what he said he would do. Eddie should have taken his life, because Rey will stop at nothing to make Eddie pay. Rey says that he will win the battle royal and then come after Eddie.
It is time for our first match of the night as the tag team champions, MNM (Plain, Peanut, and Almond) come to the ring (with paparazzi and red carpet). Their opponents are the same men who faced MNM at Judgment Day, Charlie Haas and Bob Holly. Holly and Mercury start things off. Before they lock up, Nitro hits Holly from behind and Mercury with an Irish whip, but Holly with a hot shot and belly-to-back suplex. Mercury with a forearm to Holly and then he slams Holly’s head into the turnbuckle. Mercury with chops to Holly. Holly returns the favor and chops Mercury repeatedly. Holly pulls Nitro into the ring and Holly chops him too. Mercury with a kick to Holly followed by a punch. Mercury holds on to the ropes, but Holly grabs Mercury and kicks him in the solar plexus. Holly follows that with a double axe to the head. Haas tags in and he drops Mercury’s arm on the top rope. Haas with an arm bar and then he lifts Mercury in the air followed by an Oklahoma Roll. Nitro tags in and he kicks Haas in the hamstring. Haas with a monkey flip to Nitro, but Haas still favors his leg. Nitro comes off the second turnbuckle, but he jumps into a standing drop kick from Holly. Haas with a front face lock, but Nitro backs him into the ropes. Mercury tries to hit Haas from the apron while Nitro distracts the ref. Haas with a forearm to Nitro. Mercury tries to interfere from the apron, but Haas slides under Mercury and Haas pulls Mercury to the floor and Mercury’s head hits the apron. Haas with a shoulder to Nitro followed by a reverse atomic drop. Mercury trips Haas as he comes off the ropes and we go to commercial.
We are back and Haas tries for a sunset flip. Before Mercury goes over, he tags in Nitro and then Mercury holds Haas to allow Nitro to work on Haas’s back. Nitro with a European uppercut. Nitro with a reverse chin lock on Haas. Haas with a clothesline to Nitro, but Mercury with a knee to Haas’s back. Nitro with a rollup. Nitro and Mercury with a double gut breaker to Haas. Mercury with a Northern Lights suplex on Haas. Mercury tries for another suplex, but Haas with a small package. Mercury with a clothesline to Haas and Mercury tags in Nitro who kicks Haas and has Haas in a rear chin lock. Haas with an arm drag and then he tries to make the tag by leaping over Nitro, but Nitro grabs Haas and pulls him back into the corner. Mercury with a tag and he chokes Haas in the ropes. Melina slaps Haas and Holly chases after Melina and then it is time for a Chinese Fire Drill as Nitro and Mercury go in and out of the ring while Holly chases after them. Holly stands over Haas and Melina chokes Haas while Holly returns to his corner. Mercury punches Haas and then Mercury taunts Holly. Haas fights out of the corner and hits a Magnum TA belly-to-belly suplex and both men are down. Mercury grabs Haas’s leg, but Haas is able to make the tag to Holly. Holly knocks Nitro off the apron and then he clotheslines Mercury and then gives him a back body drop. Holly with a full nelson slam to Nitro. Holly with a drop kick o Mercury and a clothesline to Nitro that sends Nitro to the floor. Holly goes up top for a clothesline and in addition to hitting Mercury, Holly hits the ref. Holly with the Alabama Slam to Mercury, but the ref is still down. Nitro grabs a chair and hits Haas in the back with it and then Nitro hits Holly with the chair. The ref calls for the bell. Haas gets the chair as Nitro and Mercury run to the back, but they return to ringside to get Melina. Haas checks on Holly. We go to commercial.
We are back and Steve Romero is in the back with Booker T and Sharmell. Steve wants to talk about how Booker was not the only person to get revenge at Judgment Day. We see footage of Sharmell attacking Kurt Angle after Booker’s match with Kurt Angle on Sunday. Steve wants to know if Booker knew that Sharmell had that might fight in her. Booker says that he knew that she had it in her. Now he won’t forget to take out the trash again. Sharmell says that Booker did all of the work. Sharmell says that nobody messes with her man. Sharmell is looking forward to seeing Booker win the battle royal tonight, and then go on to win the WWE title.
It is time for John Cena to come to the ring, but he does not have the same transportation from the pay per view. Cena has a mic and he has something to say. John takes off his hat to show the scars from his match with Bradshaw. Cena thanks the crowd for the ovation. Before Sunday, there was a lot of talk about how John Cena was a one-hit wonder and a bad champion. About not being able to live up to the hype. Cena says that two words changed all of that. Those two words are ones that never came out of his mouth. Those two words are why the champ is here. John says that Bradshaw was right about a lot of things. He said that Cena would go through the toughest match of his life. Bradshaw was right. Bradshaw said that Cena would bleed and suffer, and Bradshaw was right. However, the ‘wrestling God’ said that he would take Cena’s soul and become the WWE champion. He was wrong about that. Cena says that Bradshaw must feel like he lost everything because he quit. He must be humiliated and embarrassed for losing on Sunday. He says that Bradshaw must feel like a pathetic cowardly shell of a man. Cena says that he has something for Bradshaw tonight. However, before we can see what Cena has for Bradshaw, the JBLimo comes out and Bradshaw emerges and gingerly (copyright Mike Johnson) walks to the ring. Bradshaw has a mic and he has something to say. Bradshaw says that he does not make excuses and that is why he has been a success in everything that he has done. That is why he is rich, was the longest reigning WWE champion in the last decade. He has never failed in anything . . . until Sunday. Bradshaw says that Cena was the better man on Sunday and he gave Cena everything that he had. He says that Cena would not quit on Sunday. While he was being treated on Sunday after the match, he has beaten everybody, but John Cena. Bradshaw says that he does not know if he can beat Cena. Bradshaw says that Cena is on a roll with his title, CD, and movie. However, that is for now. People like Cena succeed for a short time. It is hard to be great forever. Bradshaw tells Cena to think about others who had greatness, but self destructed. Bradshaw says that Cena will implode also. He might be a great champion for a while, but he will burn out and crash. Bradshaw will be there to pick up the pieces. Bradshaw says that he will be the WWE champion again and he will hold it for a long time. Cena says that Bradshaw does not get it because history writes itself. The people decide your legacy. Cena lives like there is no tomorrow, and if he goes down, he will go down in a blaze of glory. He is a soldier and he does not care about his legacy. Cena says that he had something for Bradshaw before Bradshaw came out on his high horse, but he tells Bradshaw to forget it. Bradshaw wants to see what Cena had for him. Cena says that he has a tribute video, but since Bradshaw came out the way he did, he does not want to air it. Cena says that it was nothing special. Bradshaw wants to see the video. Cena asks the crowd if they want to see the video, and they want to see it. Since the crowd wants to see it, Cena tells them to air the JBL Tribute video. The video starts off with Bradshaw’s music, but cuts away to Bradshaw repeatedly saying ‘I Quit’ from Judgment Day. Cena says that Bradshaw is the most celebrated quitter in WWE history. We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for our next match as Carlito (with Matt Morgan) comes to the ring. His opponent is Big Show for this rematch from Sunday night. Show comes after Carlito and slaps Carlito as the bell rings. Show with a head butt followed by more open hand slaps to Carlito’s chest. Show with a forearm to Carlito’s back. Matt and Show have some words. Show with a short arm clothesline to Carlito and then Show walks on Carlito’s chest. Show with a big boot off the ropes. Show comes off the ropes and Matt tries to trip Show. The ref sees it and sends Matt to the back. Carlito tells Matt that they will go back, but the ref tells Carlito to get back in the ring. While Carlito and the ref argue at ringside, Show pulls Carlito in by the afro and then gives Carlito a hip toss from the apron. Show with the Shhhh slap to Carlito and Carlito goes down. Show sets up for the choke slam, but Carlito rakes the eyes. Show tries for a big boot, but Carlito moves and Show crotches himself on the top rope. Carlito punches Show, but Show pushes Carlito off. Carlito with a missile drop kick from the second turnbuckle and Show goes down. Carlito with a boot to the head, but Show picks up Carlito and choke slams him for the three count. After the match, Matt Morgan returns to the ring and he kicks Show in the head, sending Show out of the ring. Morgan with an Irish whip that sends Show into the ring post. Matt rearranges the announce table and then he gets Show up for an F-5 through the announce table. Carlito and Matt go to the back while Show is still down at ringside and we go to commercial.
We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of the end of the Big Show/Carlito match and the F-5 through the announce table.
We see Tazz and Cole by the wreckage at the announce table.
It is time to see the footage from the ECW ‘funeral’ from Raw. They have added footage from ECW, including the graphic of ECW on TNN. We see the footage of Vince McMahon’s statements, including more footage from ECW. We hear from Paul Heyman, with more ECW footage included.
We see Kurt Angle in the locker room and he is watching a monitor. He leaves the locker room as we go to commercial, and Kurt does not look happy.
We are back with the Smack of the Night: Sharmell attacking Kurt Angle at Judgment Day.
It is time for Kurt Angle to come to the ring and he has his ‘armed guards’ with him because it is time for the Kurt Angle Invitational. Kurt has the mic and he is going to talk first. Kurt says that it is a dark time in the life of your Olympic hero. Not only did Kurt Angle lose to an inferior man, but he was embarrassed by his gutter slut wife, Sharmell. That is not the only joke going on here. Apparently Vince McMahon was in his office and figured out how to flush money down the toilet to disgrace wrestling. Vince decided to bring back ECW. Kurt says that ECW can kiss his ass because Kurt Angle knows wrestling. He eats, sleeps, and drinks wrestling. ECW is garbage. Angle says that he knows it first hand. He was at an ECW show in 1996, and it was so disgusting that he left halfway through the show and vowed never to come back. It looks like Kurt Angle is going to go back. Kurt is going to lead a group of Smackdown volunteers to ruin ECW, just like ECW ruined wrestling. Kurt says that he is going to bounce around Tazz’s ECW buddies, just like Paul Heyman bounces checks. Tazz takes off his glasses and stares at Angle. Kurt tells his opponent that he is not in a good mood between Booker T, Sharmell, and ECW. Angle asks his opponent his name. He says that his name is Robert, but Angle hits him in the face. Angle kicks Robert in the ribs and the head. Angle with a European uppercut followed by a rear chin lock and crossfaces. Angle with a kick to the head followed by double sledges to Robert’s back. The straps go up and Angle kicks Robert in the gut followed by the Angle slam and an ankle lock and Robert taps.
After the match, Angle gets on the mic and says that was fun. Angle says that it is time to start the battle royal. Out next is Heidenreich. He is followed to the ring by Carlito and Matt Morgan. We go to commercial.
We are back and Booker T comes to the ring. During the commercial, more Smackdown wrestlers have entered the ring. The next man to come out is Rey Mysterio Junior. While Rey walks to the ring, he is attacked from behind by Eddie Guerrero with a chair. Eddie hits Rey in the back with the chair two more times before officials come out to get Eddie away from Rey. Rey is helped to the back. The bell rings and everyone goes at it in the ring. Eddie goes outside the ring and watches everything from ringside. Paul London is the first person eliminated. Funaki and Billy Kidman almost go out, but they roll under the ring. Angle works over Funaki and hip tosses Funaki over the top rope to the floor. Matt Morgan helps keep Carlito in the ring. Joey Mercury is the next man eliminated. Matt continues to keep Carlito in the ring. Akio is the next man eliminated as Booker sends him over the top rope. Heidenreich eliminates Mark Jindrak. We see Eddie watching from ringside with blood coming down his nose and we go to commercial.
We are back and Matt Morgan is still shadowing Carlito. During the commercial, Johnny Nitro is eliminated by the Bashams. Carlito chokes Booker in the corner. Meanwhile, Bob Holly eliminated Billy Kidman who lands awkwardly on the floor. Heidenreich charges at Angle, but Angle with a back body drop to Heidenreich. Nunzio tries to eliminate Doug Basham, but Danny makes the save. Matt continues to save Carlito. Carlito and Chavo try to eliminate Scotty 2 Hotty, but Scotty is able to roll back in. Chavo Guerrero Junior is eliminated by Scotty 2 Hotty. Angle eliminates Charlie Haas with a single leg toss and Haas is down in pain at ringside. Matt Morgan pulls Nunzio and Shannon Moore over the top rope. However, with Matt out of position, Booker T eliminates Carlito. Eddie finally re-enters the ring and he throws Scotty 2 Hotty over the top rope to eliminate him. The Bashams work on Booker T. Eddie and Bob Holly go at it in the ring. Kurt Angle works on Holly’s leg. Guerrero and Angle help eliminate Bob Holly. Rey Mysterio Junior hits the ring and he goes after Eddie. Eddie chops Rey and then throws Rey over the top rope, but Rey lands on the apron. Rey with a belly-to-belly suplex from the apron to eliminate Eddie. Rey with a seated senton splash onto Eddie on the floor. Rey punches Eddie on the floor. The agents and referees try to hold Rey back as we go to another commercial.
We are back and we are down to the following people in the battle royal: Doug Basham, Danny Basham, Orlando Jordan, Rey Mysterio Junior, Booker T, and Kurt Angle. Rey fights off Doug and Orlando. Angle and Danny work over Booker T. Angle works on Booker’s leg and so does Danny. Danny and Kurt make a wish with Booker. Doug saves Orlando Jordan when Rey tries to recreate the ending of the 2004 Royal Rumble with Chris Benoit and Big Show. Danny and Angle throw Booker to the apron, but Booker rolls back in. Booker with a clothesline to Angle while The Bashams and Orlando Jordan work over Rey. Booker clotheslines Orlando Jordan and punches the Bashams. Booker with a super kick to Orlando Jordan followed by a clothesline to Angle. Booker with a spinebuster to each Basham, but Orlando with a shot from behind to Booker. Angle kicks Rey in the corner. Booker ducks under a double clothesline from Orlando and Danny and responds with a flying clothesline of his own to Danny and Orlando. Booker with a punch to Doug and Orlando. Booker clotheslines Danny over the top rope to the floor followed by a belly-to-belly throw that sends Orlando Jordan over the top rope to the floor. Booker with a back body drop that sends Doug to the floor. Angle throws Booker to the floor and we are down to Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio Junior. Angle and Rey are at opposite corners. Angle charges at Rey, but Rey ducks and Rey punches Angle and chokes him in the corner. Angle with a double leg carry and throw by Angle. Angle sends Rey over the top rope, but he hangs on to the ropes and rolls back in. Angle with a suplex to Rey. Angle with a forearm to Rey and Rey bounces off the ropes. Angle with a European uppercut followed by punches. Angle with a sunset flip, but Rey rolls through and hits a drop kick on Angle. Rey throws Angle over the top rope, but Angle holds on and rolls back in. Rey with a drop kick, but Angle holds on one more time. Rey tries for a 619, but Angle ducks. Angle with a single leg take down and then Angle puts Rey in the ankle lock. Angle with a waist lock and then he puts Rey on the top rope and puts Rey in the ankle lock. Rey pulls Angle over the top rope and both men are on the apron. Rey and Angle exchange punches on the apron. Angle with a suplex attempt, but Rey lands in the ring. Angle is dropped on the top rope, and he hangs inches from the floor before rolling back into the ring. Angle with a clothesline to Rey. Angle looks like he is going to toss Rey over the top rope, but Rey is able to escape and Angle goes over the top rope, but lands on the apron. Rey with running forearms, but Angle holds on. Angle with a shoulder to Rey and Angle gets on the second rope. Rey almost eliminates Angle one more time, but Angle rolls back into the ring. Angle with a kick to Rey. Rey with punches to Angle. Angle with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Angle stalks Rey, but when Angle charges, Rey with a drop toe hold followed by a 619. Rey tries for a springboard move, but Angle with an uppercut to the groin. Angle with an Angle slam that sends Rey over the top rope to the floor. After the match, Angle gets on the mic and he says that since it is his choice to pick an opponent. There is one thing that he had before that he does not have now. There is something that he is obsessed with. Angle says that tonight is John Cena’s lucky night because Kurt is giving John the night off next week. Next week, Kurt Angle versus . . . Sharmell. We go to credits.