Start of the show:
The show starts with a glorious set for RAW is JERICHO! Jericho tells the crowd that they will soon get to the bottom of the title situation but tonight he is the General Manager of RAW! He says that tonight will be the biggest party in the history of RAW and to start it off, everyone is going to get laid! Those Hawaiin things drop from the sky and all the people in the growd grab them! He says “hey give one to that guy, he hasn’t been laid in five years.” He says at his party, everyone gets laid! He then books a match for Trish vs. Lita and asks if the kids in the back are old enough to get laid. Jericho then says that there will be some music provided by his band, “Fozzy!” Fozzy jams out on the rampway a little bit for the fans.
We go to the Jeritron 5000 where we see the controversy from last week when Benoit had Edge tapping but he was also pinned at the same time! Jericho says we can clearly see that we do not know who the world champion is. Jericho says that the choice is not for him, but only for one man. He then introduces his guest for the Highlight Reel as Vincent Kennedy McMahon!
McMahon comes to the ring with the title belt around HIS shoulder!
Jericho asks him who is the champion. McMahon says after reviewing the footage, Chris Benoit’s shoulders were down for a count of three. He then also says that Edge tapped out, at EXACTLY the same time. He says they have themselves a tie. He says in a situation where two people cancer each other out, usually neither of them would be named the champion…
HHH’s music hits and he comkes to the ring dressed in a suit with some sunglasses on. HHH is all smiles as he thinks he is going to get the world title back. McMahon is smiling as well, what does this mean? McMahon tells HHH that he does not like being interrupted but he has only one word for HHH: Congrats! McMahon says congrats for his book coming out tomorrow! He then blows smoke up HHH’s ass about movies as well. HHH is getting impatient wondering when Vince McMahon will give him the title back. HHH goes to grab it and McMahon took it away from him! McMahon says “did I name you world champion??” He then goes on to say that he isn’t going to pick ANY champion. He says he is going to dump that all on Bischoff. He says he does know one thing though and that is the fact that the title is VACANT and thus HHH is NO longer a heavyweight champion.
When we come back from commercial break HHH is wrecking stuff backstage. Ric Flair is with him and Batista tells him to calm down. Batista says he expresses his anger in different ways. Batista tells HHH that incase he didn’t know it, it was HIM trying to save HHH’s ass last week and if it was not for HIM, there would be no controversy and Benoit would be the champion. Batista says YOU’RE WLECOME! HHH freaks out and throws a table.
Christian shows up in the office of Jericho who is getting drunk! Christian tells Jericho that he is not wearing this outfit he gave him. Christian pulls out a doofy looking mask and outfit! He says he is NOT wearing this! Jericho says “come on Christian, there are a lot of great captains.” He then talks about Captain Crunch and a bunch of other captains. Great stuff. Christian refuses to do it but Jericho says if he doesn’t then he will not get a rematch against Shelton Benjamin. Christian storms off. Benoit comes in and Jericho stops him from talking about the title. Benoit says that is all for Bischoff to handle. But Jericho says that tonight he is the man in charge and he’s got a match for Benoit to get some rvenge against Batista. He says that tonight it will be Batista and HHH versus Chris Benoit and… ME! Jericho and Benoit shake as they have themselves a match. You have to see Jericho’s office, it is hilarious.
Referee: Jack Doan
Maven extends his hand to Eugene and Eugene shakes his hand cleanly. Eugene waves around and the two square up. Eugene and Maven waist lock back and forth until they exchange hammer locks. Eugene counters an arm ringer with a snapmare. They lock up again and Eugene pulls an overhead wristlock to Maven for a slam and two count. Eugene then goes into the body scissors and rolls Maven around the ring. Maven is complimenting Eugene a bit as the two stand up, Maven is being too nice. Maven jumps over Eugene at the ropes and then runs off the ropes. Maven falls face first and yells at Regal for tripping him. Regal did not do anything! Jack Doan buys it from Maven and he kicks Regal out.
Mid match notes:
Eugene rolls Maven up for two and then gives him a Northern lights suplex for another two count. Maven smiles and tells Eugene “two times, two counts, very close, good job!” Eugene smiles at Maven and Maven goes to shake again but Maven kicks him right in the back of the leg. Maven then goes buck wild on the leg of Eugene dropkicking him into the corner and then working his knee on the ropes.
Maven then starts to choke Eugene with his boot. Doan starts his five count but Maven does not let go, Doan calls for the belt and this one is over!
Winner by DQ: Eugene
William Regal comes back to check on the hurt Eugene and Maven books outside the ring. Maven grabs a title belt and runs in the ring where he proceeds to nail Regal in the back of the head with it!
When we come back, Chris Jericho is going to have his first ever Rock and Roll Limbo. He brings out the Raw Divas in tight mini skirts (photos below)! It’s all new chicks and then Stacy. Jericho says that last lading standing, or I mean bending, will win. Fozzy jams out as they keep the bar pretty low. They lower it really low and Chrisy and Maria make it. Melina is out, Lana is out, and someone else is out too. Stacy is too tall for the bar. They lower it a ton and Christy makes it but Maria does not!
Winner of Rock and Roll Limbo: Christy
Jericho then tells the girls to dance and he gets on the mic so sing that Don’t you wish you were me.” Song. Funny stuff.
They are in the middle of the song until everything in the arena goes to black! Jericho asks what the hell is going on and we get a picture of Muhammed’s manager. He says a bunch of stuff in Arabic and then Hassan speaks. He asks how it feels when people are having a good time and in an instant it all changes. He says that is what happened to the Arab people after 9-11. He says they can have their fun tonight because next week he will make his debut and the party.. is over.
Simon comes to the ring. He says he wants to promote his Simon system but Jericho said the only way he could is if he wrestles in his first match tonight! He goes to promote the product but The Hurricane comes out!
Referee: Chad Patton
The two lock up numerous times but The Hurricane gets him in about 5 pins for two count before saying “whassupwitdat.” Simon started the match in a amateur style but Hurricane gave him a mahistrol cradle. The Hurricane backs Simon into a corner but Simon clubs him with a right hand followed by a backbreaker. Simon then chokes Hurricane with his boot before unloading on him with right hands. Hurricane fights back but he gets bodyslammed. Simon drops a few elbows on the Hurricane before doing a fitness dance and dropping another for a two count.
Mid match notes:
Hurricane hit a flying crosds body block but Simon regains control. Simon choked Hurricane with one hand while doing pushups with the other! Simon has the Hurricane in a chin lock but Hurricane gets back up and throws elbows. Simon comes off the ropes only to be hit by two huge Hurricane clotheslines. Hurricane then nails a flying head scissor. Simon reverses and irish whip but Hurricane nails him with a European uppercut! Simon goes running at Hurricane again but Hurricane nails him with an odd reverse DDT drop.
After his reverse DDT the Hurricane sets up for the shining Wizard. He makes a run but misses the kick. Simon Dean rolls him up and grabs the tights to get the 3 count and pin!
Winner: Simon Dean
Orton with the Coach:
Coach says that Randy must be please with the decision that Vince McMahon made. Randy cuts him off and says hell yeah he is happy because now he gets to compete and it was all thanks to his show and booking of matches. Randy then says that Coach looks sad and he thinks it’s because Chris Jericho gave party favors all day but Coach still can’t get laid! At this point Edge comes on the screen in the back and he is on his way to the ring.
Randy looks upset. Edge gets on the mic and says he was ready to come here to defend his title tonight. “You tapped out!” Edge says the holy grail of his industry is now vacant and that is a crime against him. He says he won the battle royal and in his first ever world title match, he WON. He says he did not tap out, he pinned Benoit 1,2,3 in the middle of this ring. He says he then held the belt, dropped to his knees, and he never felt anything so good in his life. He said it was ripped away from him, he was screwed AGAIN. He says he blames all of this on Randy Orton for not giving him the singles match. He says it isn’t Edge’s fault that Randy’s title reign was a complete failure. He calls Orton out and Orton hits the ring!
Orton gets on the mic and says “you wanna blame me for your problems?” He told Edge that he could have made it Benoit vs. HHH and Edge would have gotten nothing. Randy tells Edge he is nothing. He says that if Edge wants to blame someone, he should blame himself. Edge says he figured Orton would say something like that. Orton says that he has BEEN world champion and if there is a failure in this ring, it is EDGE!
Edge reminds Orton that he ended Orton’s 8 month IC title reign. He says when it comes to you and me, you are my bitch! Rights and lefts go flying as officials hit the ring! They are able to peel the two off of one another but they get at it AGAIN! Nice brawl here.
Intercontinental Title Match
Christian comes to the ring in an outfit that is TOTALLY hilarious. It has stupid little horns and really underwear looking yellow tights. Christian runs at shelton but Shelton screams and christian stops. Christian then runs again and gets a major flapjack. Christian monkeyflips Shelton out of the corner but he lands on his feet. Benjamin dummies on the ropes and christian bites, Shelton nails him with a clothesline. Tyson gets in a cheap shot allowing christian to get a reverse DDT.
Christian beats away on Shelton Benjamin asking him if he thinks this is funny. Christian hangs Shelton on the ropes chest first and then he follows with a two count. Christian puts Shelton in the abdominal stretch.
Mid match notes:
Shelton fires back with a cross body block for a two count. Christian gains control and tosses shelton in the corner. He makes a run but shelton ducks. Both men are down. Christian is up first and he climbs the top rope. He jumps off but Shelton gets a knee in flipping Christian on his back. Shelton goes buck wild with clotheslines. Back and forth action for a bit. Christian gets a slingshot but Benjamin lands on his feet and then follows with a sunset flip for a two count. Christian throws Shelton in the corner again but Shelton lands on the apron. Christian gives him a super roll up for a two count. Tyson and christian argue with the referee about a slow count and the belt somehow ends up in the ring. Christian goes to use it but he gets a kick to the face. The referee sees the belt and goes to take it out of the ring but at this time shelton has the T-Bone on Christian but Tyson kicks him right in the face! Christian covers but only for two!
Tyson is on the apron as shelton is still alive. Christian goes for the unprettier but Shelton gets out and goes to kick Tyson but Tyson grabs his leg but when Tyson tosses his leg, shelton leg whips Christian! He then dropkicks Tyson in the gut! Christian’s mask gets all in his face and this allows Shelton to hit the T-Bone exploder suplex! He makes the cover and keeps his belt.
Winner and STILL Intercontinental champion: Shelton Benjamin
Fozzy kicks the Captain out!
Jericho comes to the ramp, tells Christian sorry it did not work out. He books Orton vs. Edge for next week. He then says that Fozzy will help the Captain leave the arena. He and Fozzy play a rock and roll “nah nah nah nah!”
Snitsky meets with Lita:
Lita runs into Snitsky on the way to the ring. He tells her is it sad that Kane can’t be here tonight because he ended his career. He then mocks the baby and such. He then wishes Lita luck before letting her go.
HHH calls Bischoff:
HHH calls Bischoff and he and Flair pump HHH up as the biggest player in the game saying he is on the cover of Raw magazine, has a movie and a book coming out! Cheezy funny stuff. HHH then says he wants Bischoff to hand the title to him next week or else… at this point Batista hangs up the phone on HHH. He says he is stopping HHH from making a huge mistake. HHH takes it the wrong way and says “you don’t think I deserve the title?” More Evolution break up hints.
Referee: Jack Doan
Before the match even starts Lilian Garcia announces HHH as the former champion. He chases her through the crowd like an idiot!
HHH and Benoit lock it up and Benoit unleashes on him in the corner with chops galore. He whips him off the other buckle and chops him down hard. Jericho is tagged in and he gives HHH some right hands and kicks to the gut. Jericho dropkicks HHH in the face while HHH is stuck in the corner. HHH makes a run at Jericho who gives him a drop toe hold. Jericho in control tagging Benoit who chops HHH and gives him a snap suplex. HHH is in the corner asking for a timeout as he gets kicked all around. Benoit slaps the crossface on but HHH gets to the ropes. Batista helps HHH out of the ring. HHH and Benoit lock up again and HHH is on the wrong end yet again. Jericho gets tagged in and he unleashes chops on HHH in the corner. Jericho then dumps HHH over the top rope. Batista comes in illegally but Benoit and Jericho give him a double dropkick outside the ring. HHH gets on the apron but he gets knocked out right into Batista and the two butt heads as we go to commercial!
Mid match notes:
When we come back Batista has Jericho in a bad way. During the break we see that Flair distracted the ref allowing Batista to hit a nasty spinebuster. HHH is ion the ring and he slaps the abdominal stretch on HHH. HHH tosses Jericho in the Evolution corner where Batista is tagged in. The two take turns beating on Jericho and Flair even gets a big choke in their to the home crowd’s delight!
Jericho fights back against Batista only to catch a clothesline to the jaw. Batista gets a lateral press for a two count. Batista makes a run at Jericho in the corner but Jericho moves and kicks Jericho in the knee. Jericho tags! Benoit comes in and kicks total ass. He knocks Flair down, HHH down, and Batista down. Jericho hits his dropkick on Batista. Benoit goes crazy and nails Batista and flair with sliding dropkicks followed by three german suplexes to HHH. Jericho hits a lionsault on HHH followed by the flying headbutt from Benoit! Walls of Jericho ANd Crossface on HHH but Flair distracts the referee allowing Batista to come in, club Jericho, and spinebuster Benoit. Batista has saved HHH.
Batista beats on Jericho in the corner with some boots. HHH grabs a chair and slams Benoit in the back with it right in front of the referee. The match is called!
Winners by DQ: Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho
After the match is called HHH is yelling all over the place with chair in hand. Batista picks up Jericho and HHH goes to slam him with the chair but Jericho moves and Batista gets one in the skull! HHH then slams Jericho anyways in the skull. He says sorry to Batista who is in the arms of Flair. HHH leaves the ring saying he was NEVER beaten.
The kiss of death:
Trish is shown in the back stretching. Two guys pushing a cart stop and look at her ass. she asks if she can help them and they walk off. Lita then approaches. Trish calls her the walking kiss of death and asks her who’s career she is going to end tonight. Lita says “yours!” Lita then plants a kiss right on the lips of Trish Stratus!
Women’s Title Match
The two girls lock up and roll out of the ring together. They both get back in the ring and Trish gets a kick to Lita’s gut. Trish pulls a Matrix move but Lita drops on her and gets a two count. Trish Stratus makes a run at Lita but Lita dumps her over the top rope. Lita goes flying through the second rope and although she gets Trish, she goes flying HEAD first into the mat outside, she was literally BENT in HALF. Sick. she’s ok though.
Trish takes off her mask and hits Lita in the face with it, there is nothing wrong with her! Trish is in control in the ring. Trish places Lita in the naked choke from the top rope.
Mid match notes:
Lita snapmares trish off the top rope and she starts to get some offense in but Trish takes her back down with a snapmare. Trish wears Lita down a bit but the two end up on the top turnbuckle where Lita gives Trish a SUPERPLEX!
The referee starts his count but Lita rolls on top of Trish. One, two.. no! Trish gets up after the count and she kicks Lita right in the side of the head for a two count. Trish works on Lita in the corner for a bit with a few punches but Lita counters with a powerbomb! Lita then climbs the top rope for a moonsault but Trish stops her. Trish gets Lita on her shoulders but Lita rolls through and gets a VERY close roll up for a two count. Lita goes to DDT Trish but Trish stops her and slams her face first off the mat. Trish pins Lita and uses the ropes. 1..2… KICK OUT!
Trish tries to give Trish her Bulldog but Lita tosses her backwards. Trish flips and lands on her feet. Lita grabs Trish from behind and nails her with a reverse Twist of Fate! Lita climbs the top rope and nails Trish with the moonsault. She makes the cover and it’s a 3 count! Lita is your new women’s champion!
Winner and NEW Women’s champion: Lita
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