“There are many reasons why I started this website, some obvious–some not so much. At the top of the list was my longing to just finally have my own voice. Sit down at my computer any time I want, and have the freedom to discuss what’s ever on my mind. Batman 1966, Rihanna, Wrestling, Bray Wyatt, my love for female rockers of the 80?s–whatever. Just share my feelings, opinions and thoughts, and if I put a smile on your face–-great–-it was all worth it.
I wanted to have the freedom to talk about my Christianity, the one thing that has brought me out of many deep, dark valleys throughout my lifetime. My internal, and external fight to glorify my Savior, Jesus Christ each and every day. And, it’s work, man, it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had in my life. I go in and out from the darkness to the light, like that poor little Carol Ann from Poltergeist, remember her? And, through this journey, I also wanted to share something with you that I’ve been battling since my 20s, and I know that many of you do as well–depression.
Depression has been a fixture in my life since I graduated college back in 1983. It seems like over night I went from “Roscoe”, the beloved fraternity brother and Vice President of Sigma Tau Gamma, to marriage, a co-op, a job that I hated, bills, anxiety, and every other BAD thing that went with responsibility. At the beginning, I thought I was going to lose my wife–-I was afraid that Amy was going to think that I was losing my mind. I wouldn’t go to a doctor, because I didn’t want to go on meds–-I knew that would make it worse. This nightmare went on with me for four years until my son Will was born. At that time I had to wake myself the F up, because I knew another human being was now dependant on me.
Unfortunately, even with the birth of Will–-the depression never went away. I can’t remember one day where I actually woke up and felt “good”–I just didn’t know what that felt like. I had two video stores go out of business when I was barely 30 thanks to Blockbuster. I became unemployed, I sold appliances to make ends meat. Then the big break with the WWE–-my problems were solved. That was until I found myself on the road every week, in a strange hotel room by myself, feeling totally alienated from my family, and the few friends I still had. You know the rest—WCW-–Bash at the Beach-–TNA—and the absolute scrutiny that goes with the professional wrestling business. As the years passed, the depression just always seemed to get worse, I never felt good, and just always had thoughts of dying. That is hard for me to type here–-but, it’s the truth. Then, when I walked away from TNA nearly 2 1/2 years ago–-it just hit rock bottom for me. There was just no place left to go in a business that I had worked in for 20 years. I prayed every night that God just allow me to see the next day, and it was only through his grace that I did. As I sit here typing this right now, right this minute–-I’m in the same exact place.”