Rankings (That don’t really matter)
1.) Karen Angle-Jarret, Woman Scorned- She is getting more screen time then a lot of young, talented workers while carrying out an angle (no pun intended) that only three people seem keen on watching. If that doesn’t get you to the top spot of the rankings, then try marrying a McMahon.
2.) Mason Ryan, Batista 2.0- You didn’t think Vince was over the big man obsession, did’ya? FCW’s reigning champion Mason Ryan has finally arrived to the big dance. Prime spot for the Welshman. Can he deliver more than awesome biceps? What happens when a WWE microphone gets put in his hand? Does any of that matter?
3.) Guy at House Show, Rasslin’ Fan- A fan at a Shreveport, Louisiana house allegedly slapped CM Punk three times, causing noticeable damage to the star’s eye. TNA has already made a contract offer.
4.) Gregory Helms, Superhero- He lobbed a new round of Tweettacks at Hall of Fame bound Shawn Michaels. That is called staying relevant in the social media age… even if it makes you sound like Frank Grimes before he died in a Homer Simpson-hating frenzy.
5.) Layla El, Flawless Human- Those mini-skirts are one camera angle away from bringing us back to the Attitude Era.
The “You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone” R.O.H. TV award of the week:
At the end of the Daizee Haze/ MsChif match last week, it suddenly hit me that there were more wrestling moves in that match than every 2010 WWE Diva match combined. Can we get an Excel spreadsheet on that?
Fast Count…
The way I see it… the “biggest Royal Rumble match in history” is going to be won by a safe, populist pleasing superstar. Someone with high merchandise sales who will be able to add “the greatest Rumble win in history” to his “Legendary” resume. Yet a kid can dream, right? Exactly… which is why I’m really, really, really hoping Bushwacker Luke comes back and redeems himself after that ‘91 performance.
I would totally love it if… Dolph Ziggler had a chance to wear the Big Gold Belt around his waist for a few months. His Intercontinental reign was quiet, but solid and he has one of the most over heels as his “girlfriend.” It would be a fun change of pace… but, alas, with all the change going ‘round the WWE it’s probably good business to keep Edge as the champ.
I gotta think…bringing back the Main Event Mafia to feud with Immortal looks good on paper because, hey, people know those names and they have drawn money. But here’s an opportunity to band together a new group of the most capable young talent you have to take down the legends. And the storyline doesn’t have to go quick; draw it out for two or three years and let the veterans soak up their final run. When it was finally over you would have a giant, collective passing of the torch. Sounds good, right? Alright, fine, let Flair win a title at seventy.
Sure… Sheamus has shown signs of improvement and the ability to put on some solid matches, but it’s hard to buy him as a monster heel when he says he’s going to conquer “terdee nine other Doobba-doobba E” superstars in the Royal Rumble. Plus, wearing a crown that makes it appear as though he is about to help Frodo and Aragorn return the ring to Mordor ain’t helping either.
Oh, I get it… Amazing Red’s “brother” is named Crimson.
Quick… where were you when Mantaur debuted on Superstars of Wrestling?
Ken Napzok is a writer, comedian, and Pro Wrestling manager living in Los Angeles. He has been known to spend hours perfecting his created Superstars on Smackdown Vs Raw 2011. He can be watched closely and from a safe distance online at twitter.com/kozpan or twitter.com/TexTunney.
