Punk’d; Yawn In A Cell

Mark Madden

PUNK’D

Let’s see if I have this straight: WWE beat C.M. Punk for the world title because he violated an unwritten dress code?

Fake wrestling sucks.

When you take a belt off somebody because of how he dresses away from the ring, it’s absolute madness. It’s serving agendas, it’s human cockfighting, it’s enforcing a garden-variety “code” in a profession bereft of actual scruples. Whatever it is, it’s silly and bad for business.

It seems like there’s more to this story, especially since Undertaker allegedly called out Punk for his lack of sartorial splendor, then benefited by being given his title.

Gee, that’s a coincidence.

When can we stop pretending ‘Taker is anything besides a ring entrance? He’s slow, he’s hobbled, he’s old and he’s washed up. Everything ‘Taker is, we bury Hulk Hogan for. Why doesn’t the same criticism apply to ‘Taker?

I always thought you dress to fit your gimmick. Does ‘Taker wear a suit and tie on his way to and from the arena? Or does he dress like his gimmick? If so, why shouldn’t Punk? Would Punk’s character wear a suit and tie? I doubt it. I’ve been told ‘Taker dresses like a biker away from the ring.

“Taker sucks. But, like so many before him, he’s trying to hold onto that big paycheck and spot at the top of the card by any means necessary. If that means subtle sabotage of an up-and-comer at an opportune time, so be it.

So much of wrestling’s dressing-room “code” is an excuse for bullying. The biggest enforcers are often the marginally talented, ass-kissers who know longevity and profitably are more likely through sucking up to stars and bosses as opposed to making the most of their meager level of performance. Team 3-D has long exemplified this.

This is where wrestling differs from real sports, and not for the better. Let’s say the world champ is SmackDown’s equivalent to a starting quarterback. Do you think the Steelers would bench Ben Roethlisberger if he suddenly, and adamantly, wore T-shirts on team flights? Hell, no. They’d be pissed, and they’d let him know they were pissed. But they wouldn’t bench him. They might even make it a point in a future contract negotiation. But they wouldn’t bench him. They wouldn’t let a dress code affect winning.

Let’s see this for what it really is.

It’s not an attempt to “class up” WWE’s image outside the ring. It’s a way to keep a young guy down while prolonging the glory days of a has-been that’s “paid his dues.”

That’s why fake wrestling sucks. In with the old, out with the new? It doesn’t happen often enough, or quick enough.

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