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Welcome to the very first written edition of The Not News of the Week. For those of you who are avid listeners of The Voice of Wrestling Radio Show on Monday nights, you are familiar with this weekly segment we used to do on the air that I am now bringing to the pages of WrestleZone.com! The Not News of the Week takes a look at a handful of weekly news items that are worthy of commentary consisting of a few lines, and more often than not, a few jokes. Otherwise, they're really not all that fit to print, making them....Not News. So without further anticipation, since this news is hardly worth anticipating, enjoy the first edition of The Not News of the Week.
1. Michael Cole's Commentary at Judgment Day:
This guy had two matches to call in the entire evening and yet he still managed to work in some of his worst material within the last several months. Here are some samples of what I'm going to refer to from now on as "Cole Droll:"
"You know King, people often refer to Orton as a viper, but that pin attempt on Batista looked more like a python to me."
So now Cole is a zoologist? I suppose during his days away from WWE he likes to study the various ways snakes pin their opponents during wrestling matches. Well, he certainly isn't getting laid that's for sure.
"You could often describe Orton's emotional state as emotionless."
Ah, Freud speaks again. Would Cole describe Hornswoggle's height as heightless? Would he say that the general state of the color yellow is yellow? Would I describe Cole's lack of personality as "vintage coma?" Yes, I would.
2. Chris Hemsworth got the role of Thor for the new Marvel Studios movie. This can finally put the multi-year rumors that Triple H was set for the role to rest. Apparently "The Game" was never seriously considered as they were looking to cast the part younger.
It's being said that when Stephanie learned the producers were looking for a younger actor to play Thor she immediately pushed for them to cast the baby she just recently gave birth to. Upon hearing this suggestion Triple H asked if he could audition again, this time in an adult diaper.
3. WWE Diva Maria joined Ricky Ortiz in another "Inspirational Thought" in the WWE Mobile on AT&T video. Check that out at WWE.com.
Wait, who's Ricky Ortiz? Oh I know, he's this guy, the dude from C.H.I.P.S.