Off the Air: The SmackDown! on Raw

Aaron Maguire

Last week in the midst of a heartfelt apology, I somehow turned my sorrow into an unfair rant about TNA/iMPACT Wrestling. I recieved an enormous amount of negative feedback from TNA/iMPACT Wrestling loyalists and I'd like to apologize to those fans right now. I'm sorry that I talked bad about your choice in entertainment, and I now feel the need to justify why I feel Monday Night Raw is such a superior product.

-This past Sunday was boring. One Sunday in a row without a WWE Pay-Per-View has made it abundantly clear that we need bi-weekly and eventually weekly PPVs. I hope they raise the price. And bring back the Cyber Sunday gimmick. Speaking of computers…

-The anonymous Raw GM truly is the most compelling storyline in sports entertainment. The fact that it's been over a year since the concept was introduced, and nearly 6 months since it's been mentioned, without losing any momentum is an achievement on it's own. Speaking of not losing any momentum…

-After all these years, Santino is STILL hilarious. No, he hasn't lost it a bit. Even when his material seems forced and unfunny. Speaking of unfunny…

-Lawler's jokes, wisecracks and one-liners don't even feel like he's been using the same ones for close to two decades. The fact that he botches his delivery so often now, adds something extra like he's re-inventing himself! Speaking of jokes…

-Jim Ross being humiliated never gets old! Speaking of never getting old…

-Jim Ross getting buried in Oklahoma is classic! It's something to look forward to every year, like the guy in the Royal Rumble that gets eliminated in mere seconds. It isn't advertised, but you know it's going to happen. Speaking of "but you know it's going to happen"…

-Jim Ross being the "butt" (pun intended) of so many poop jokes is just what the WWE Universe wants. I'm so glad they know their audience. Speaking of poop…

-John Cena's promos = GOLD. I love how he works poop jokes into almost every mic spot. Oh, and how he makes it seem like he's corny. It takes skill to do that. I loved all 5 of his movies… and all 5 of his moves. Speaking of 5 moves…

-The Rock. I'm so glad he came back and is never leaving again. Speaking of big returns…

-Foley's back??? Even though I can't remember the last time I found him entertaining, he is very entertaining… just ask him. Can't wait for the cheap pops. Speaking of cheap…

-Maryse got released! Good, there's no room for hot chicks that can't wrestle in today's WWE. Pure athletes like Kelly Kelly and Brie Bella won't stand for it. Speaking of pure athletes…

-WWE has REAL drug testing. Suspend those dirty bastards like Heath Slater, Andy from Tough Enough, that one referee and Evan Bourne. They give pure athletes such as Mason Ryan a bad name. Speaking of the Wellness Policy…

-It's about time we got the muppets on Raw! For all those haters that think sports entertainment is stupid… take that! My good friend, John Thorne pointed out that this was on par with Chucky the doll cutting promos on Rick Steiner in the dying days of WCW. We can only hope. Speaking of the dying days of WCW…

-Kevin Nash is a main eventer in the WWE again!

*Aaron Maguire can be heard and seen on Sports Time Ohio's PWO TV every Sunday at 10pm with replays on YouTube as well. You can follow him on Twitter @FairToAar. He works for Absolute Intense Wrestling, hosting "AIW's Intense TV" as Aaron Bauer, found on YouTube also. Holla Holla Holla!

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