-JR and the King welcome us to the show!
-Cena vs. JBL and HHH vs. Hardy tonight on the show.
~VINCE’S MILLION DOLLAR MANIA~
Mr. Kennedy vs. Paul Burchill w/Katie Lea
They lock up and rights by Kennedy to begin. They lock back up, to the ropes and the ref backs off Burchill. Kennedy then backdrops him to the floor. Back in, drop toehold and then a cover by Kennedy for 2. Side headlock by Kennedy, but Burchill with a nasty back suplex turns the tide. Kennedy hit the ropes on that, not good. To a corner and a clothesline by Burchill for 2. Burchill works the headlock, and then a short-armed clothesline drops Kennedy. Tries another, a boot and spin kick by Kennedy. Rights to Burchill, lays the boots to him and then KILLS Burchill with a charging kick. He gets a cover for 2. Katie Lea told me she loves Steve Cook. Mic check countered, boot by Burchill but Kennedy gets the mic check and that is all.
Winner: Mr. Kennedy @ 3:18 via pin
-Katie in the ring, she is not happy and slaps Kennedy! Kennedy is pissed, but Burchill flies in with a neck breaker to save her. He calls that the twisted sister.
-Vince is ready to make the first call. Vince gets his glasses on, dials wrong and tries again. The phone plays music, and Vince is RICK ROLLED~! The guy finally answers and Vince hangs up. Tremendous. Dude answers, and wins the $200,000.
-We are back and see some of the Raiders in the crowd.
-Money will be given away after the match.
NON-TITLE MATCH: Mickie James Â© Beth Phoenix
Beth tosses James down, but she comes back with forearm strikes. Beth tosses her down again, James back and they do some sloppy tilt a whirl spot, that was ugly. Beth slams her down, and covers for 2. Forearms by James, but Beth gets a side back breaker and bends her over the knee. Knees by James, head scissors and escapes. Mickie James had a wardrobe malfunction here where her left n*ppllee slipped right our from under her shirt. 3 Hot pix below!! Forearms exchanged, off the ropes and a charging forearm by James. Anther one misses, cartwheel and a kick followed by a basement dropkick for 2. James up topâ<80>¦Thesz press and she gets the win!
Winner: Mickie James @ 2:35 via pin
-Beth attacks after the match, but Melina is out for the save. Melina up top and a face buster to Beth and Melina stands tall.
-Vince is back to call someone again, he dials and it rings. The guy answers, gives the code and Vince gives himâ<80>¦$75,000.
-HHH and Cena talk about their match at Night of Champions. It isn’t personal, just about being the best. Cena reminds HHH he beat him at WrestleMania. Hey question if the other man will make it to the event, and that is that.
-Vince is with Charlie Haas, and they will give away more money. Good to see that he still has a job. They dial and nothing. Vince says Haas is bringing back luck. Someone yells BORING as they dial and nothing happens. So they try a 3rd time. BUSY SIGNAL! AWKWARD. Some dude from EPRIZES comes out, I don’t know why. The new number rings, some chick answers. She gives the password and she wins $50,000! Vince says if Haas kisses a diva, the chick gets $100,000. Maria comes out and Haas lays one on her. Vince says if he kisses another one, the winner gets another $25,000. CUE MAE YOUNG! Mae pulls him in and licks his face and kisses him.
-JBL is backstage and says the people don’t deserve the money. John Cena deserves everything he is about to give him.
-JBL is backstage and says the people don’t deserve the money. John Cena deserves everything he is about to give him.
-HHH comes out to join the commentary team.
JBL vs. John Cena
And here we go. HHH mocks Cena with the belt and JBL attacks Cena from behind. I hear he likes it that way, JBL that is. Off the ropes, a back elbow by JBL and then shots to the back of Cena. Rights by JBL, a whip and reversal, bulldog by Cena and a cover for 2. Clubbing shots to the back by JBL, a boot to the face followed by an elbow drop and a cover for 2. Neck breaker by JBL and another cover for 2. Cena goes for the FU, but JBL slides to the floor. HHH and JBL stand off now, and we head to a commercial @ 2:20.
Back from commercial @ 5:28 as JBL slams Cena off of the announce table. A big boot follows, and then an elbow drop. Back into the ring, neck vice by JBL and Cena works to escape. Rights by Cena, off the ropes and a sleeper by JBL. He works Cena to the mat, but Cena fights back to his feet and escapes. Rights by Cena, off the ropes and a big boot, again, by JBL. Cena ducks the clothesline from hell, clothesline in return, proto bomb, 5-knuckle shuffle, FU try but JBL rakes the eyes, clothesline from hell levels Cena. Cover for 2 as Cena noly gets the ropes. JBL to the floor, and begins to dismantle the announce table. JBL back in, small package by Cena and that is all.
Winner: John Cena @ 10:12 via pin
-HHH stands on the announce table to show off his pretty belt, Cena to the floor, stands on the table and they have a stare down. INTENSE! HHH hops off of the table, and then trips up Cena and makes him fall. Well Cena, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.
-Back from commercial as JR and the King hype the Hulk movie, and King has a HULK HAND. He’s no Shark Boy or New Jack.
-Vnce wants to give away more money, he wants to have Lillian Garcia stand up and Vince heard she was talking with JR about her measurements, 38-34-36, so Vince will give away $98,000 since they add up to 98. A chick answers, her name is Stephanie. THE FIX IS IN! She wins the cash after giving the password.
~THE HIGHLIGHT REEL~
Jericho makes his way to the ring and we’re set to go. Jericho says HBK was a hero to him as a kid, an inspiration, and now he is like a mentor as well as a friend. Jericho calls out HBK to the show and here he is.
HBK tosses his cowboy hat to the crowd and grabs a mic. The crowd is happy to see him as Jericho thanks him for coming out here tonight. Jericho says he put on a gutsy performance at ONS, and Jericho is proud of him. They all love him, even though he lost. HBK appreciates it, but wants to know if Jericho has a question. Jericho says yes, and people love him no matter what. He brings up the knee injury and faking, HBK says he would do anything to win, and he did that. He technically didn’t lie to anyone but Jericho. Jericho says he got superkicked and HBK got cheered for it. He is adored, but he couldn’t get away with it. He got booed for telling us about the fake injury. He did the right thing, but gets booed for it. Fans would rather boo an honest man instead of HBK. So how does HBK turn into such a lying, cheating, pathetic human being? JERICHO ATTACKS! They brawl and then Jericho kicks HBK in the SACK! That’ll leave a mark. Jericho pie faces him down and says HBK lied to him and that HBK started all of this. Jericho then picks him up and TOSSES HIM THROUGH THE JERITRO-9000!!! SHADES OF MARTY JANNETTY AND THE BARBER SHOP~! Jericho walks away and leaves HBK in the ring.
-We get relays of the end of the Highlight Reel.
NON-TITLE MATCH: Umaga and Snitsky vs. Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes
Cody and Snitsky to begin, arm bar and a tag to Holly. They go for a double suplex after some miscommunication, damn that Cody. Umaga in, nails Holly and this allows Snitsky to beat him down and cover for 2. Tag to Umaga, boot by Holly but Umaga just levels him and covers for 2. Tag back to Snitsky. A slam by Snitsky, elbow drops, and then misses a leg drop. Basement dropkick by Holly, both men down and Snitsky tags in Umaga and Cody gets the tag as well. Cody tosses Snitsky, rights to Umaga, clotheslines and then a dropkick but Umaga is still up. Dropkick to th eknee, and then Umaga KILLS HIM with the catatonic, dropping Cody on his face. Samoan Spike! 1â<80>¦2â<80>¦3
Winner: Snitsky and Umaga @ 3:02 via pin
-After the match Holly checks on Cody. Ted Dibiase now comes out to gloat. He says that ever since his announcement, the champs have not been on the same page. They better get their act together quickly, because their time is running out. In two weeks there will be new tag team champs, and that will be just like him; simply priceless.
-We get a Make A Wish video package.
-Vince is back. Jillian and Trevor are in the ring for a sing off. Jillian says he sucks and says she will give the crowd what they want. It’s like they are trying to put on the worst show possible. Vince insults her, and says it is time to give more money out. A chick answers, gives the password and Vince gives her $2! Am shocked it wasn’t me. Gabe from EPRIZES comes back out, someone will win $200,000. A dude answers, gives the password and wins the cash.
-We see footage from the Sal vs. Santino bullsh*t from Smackdown.
Santino and Carlito vs. Cryme Tyme (Shad and JTG)
JTG and Santino to begin, Santino gets a roll up for 2. JTG gets one as well, snap mare now and a cover for 1. JTG mocks Santino takes him down and tags in Shad. JTG whips Shad into Santino, Shad slams him down and they get some cool double team splash for 2. JTG to the 2nd rope, Carlito distracts him, JTG off the ropes, Santino sidesteps him and gets the advantage. They beat JTG down, Santino works him over and then they hit each other. JTG gets a rolling pin, Shad in and cleans house. Off the ropes and a powerslam to Santino for 2 as Carlito makes the save. JTG pulls the ropes down, Carlito to the floor, Shad gets an STO variation and that is all.
Winner: Cryme Tyme @ 3:32 via pin
-Vince calls Cryme Tyme up to the stage to help give away some money. Is that really the best of ideas? At the end of the main event he will give away $250,000. Right now they will give away $51,998. They call, a dude answers, gives the code and he wins. Money, money, yeah, yeah.
-John Cena joins us for commentary.
NON-TITLE MATCH: HHH Â© vs. Jeff Hardy
Lock up, side headlock by HHH, off the ropes and a shoulder block by HHH and Hardy is down. HHH and Cena stare down, Hardy in and gets a clothesline to HHH. Rights to the corner, lays the boots to HHH a whip and back elbow by Hardy. Another clothesline and a cover for 2. Rights by Hardy in the corner, a boot by HHH and then Hardy MISSES a reverse kick that HHH sells anyway. Ugh. Off the ropes, spinebuster by HHH and both guys are down after a hard fought 2-minutes. Mounted rights by HHH, off the ropes and a high knee by HHH connects for a cover of 2. Knee drop by HHH, another and then a cover for 2. Abdominal stretch by HHH applied, he uses the ropes for some extra leverage, the cheating bastard. To the corner they go, a whip and Hardy slams hard and collapses. Another whip, and the same result. HHH covers for 2. To the corner, boots by Hardy and then a clothesline. Rights to HHH, off the ropes and a face buster by HHH gets 2. Rights by HHH drop Hardy, who keeps staring at Cena. He mocks him with the, “you can’t see me” hand gesture but Hardy fights back, whisper in the wind and HHH sidesteps him. HHH clotheslines Hardy to the floor, follows and they brawl at ringside. Hardy whips HHH to the barrier, but HH then hip tosses Hardy onto Cena! Back in the ring is Hardy, Cena grabs HHH and slams him into the apron and there is the finish.
Winner: Jeff Hardy @ 8:35 via count out
-HHH is not a happy man right now, he and Cena stand off on the floor and Hardy gets a plancha onto both of them and wipes them out.
Money giveaway next.
Vince comes out to the ring and thanks everyone for watching RAW and thanks the fans in Oakland, Calif. for coming out. He says next week, he’s giving away another $1,000,000. He says everyone must re-register. Vince makes the final call to Steve. Steve gives him the password and wins $250,000. The Money’s theme music hits and that’s it. BLAH, shitty show.
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