Tazz vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler
Tazz was out first to a huge, huge pop. Taz is geared up in an orange Tazz jersey and black training pants. Jerry Lawler is out now. The fans chant “you sick d*ck”. Lawler walks over to Joey Styles and slaps him. Lawler walks down the isle and enters the ring. Styles attacks him from behind. Trying to choke him out. Lawler overpowers him and goes for a pile driver, but Tazz slaps on the Tazzmission! The ref calls for the bell! The ref checks on Lawler! He checks the arm! Once…twice…three times it falls!
Winner via Tazzmission: Tazz
They show a video package from the past couple weeks of ECW’s return.
Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle
Winner via Ankle Lock Submission: Kurt Angle
Angle celebrates as the fans chant his name. Angle looks at Orton who is being attended to ring side and smiles. Angle walks up the isle chanting “ECW!” As Orton is being helped backstage the fans chant “you tapped out!” He asks for more help and now the fans chant “You pussy!” And “Get the F Out!”
The F.B.I. vs. Super Crazy & Tajiri
Winners via Fisherman Driver: FBI
The FBI’s music hits for a moment but then the Big Show’s music erupts! Show comes down and kicks Guido. He choke slams Nunzio! Like rag dolls he tosses the FBI out the ring! The crowd goes nuts!
John Bradshaw Layfield is up in the balcony and calls ECW backyard quality. He says wait a minute, ECW, he recognizes that ring. The fans chanted “you suck dick” at Bradshaw and he says he sees no women out here and they are talking about a male organ. One year ago, a certain fat blue piece of crap sat there and bled and cried. You guys get on the internet and call JBL a bully and a bad guy. He says nothing happened to him when he knocked and ECW guy out, because there isn’t an ECW guy alive who can do anything to him. JBL calls himself the King of Hardcore. He says Kurt Angle, Big Show, Rob Van Dam made their names in the WWE. He says they are stars because of people like him, because of Smackdown and because of Vince McMahon. He then says Tazz is leaving Network TV to go to Tuesday nights on the Sci-Fi Network? He’s a household name because of WWE, but these geeks love the Sci-Fi channel. JBL says it’s very appropriate. JBL says he wants to thank Tazz, because if he hadn’t of left, they would have had to fire him. JBL is coming back as the voice of Smackdown. JBL is the voice of the A Show, and he is the new voice of Smackdown. JBL says to go ahead and drink the kool aid. JBL calls himself a Wrestling God and says that this show sucks.
WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Sabu is out first. He looks pissed, but the crowd loves him! Rey is out to a not so good, but as expected pop. This match will be conducted under extreme rules, which means that this is a No DQ match. The announcer introduces the homicidle, genocidle, death defying Sabu! Followed by Rey Mysterio (haha). OK. The ref calls for the bell and we’re off. Both men start the match with chairs in their hands but drops them. Mysterio sporting oldschool black and red WCW gear. Very nice. Sabu goes for his chair and Rey goes for his and the slap chairs! Rey is whipped to the corner. Air Sabu! Rey is able to leg sweep Sabu face first into a chair. Sabu back into the corner. Air Rey! Rey lays out Sabu with a hurricanrana. Sabu lays Rey out with a chair. Rey rolls out the ring in a daze. Sabu sets up a table ringside and lays Rey on it. Sabu goes to fly of the ring but aborts when he sees Rey isn’t there. Sabu gets a 2 count following a leg drop. Sabu locks in a Camel Clutch and asks the ref to check on Rey. Rey ain’t having it though. Sabu uses the chair for an Arabian Face buster!..1…2… No! Sabu sets up a table near the apron. Rey pushes him off and Sabu stand son the table. Rey launches with a plancha and takes Sabu through the table. Sabu immediately mouths to the ref “I tore my bicep!” Rey heads back to the ring. Meanwhile Sabu is favoring his arm ringside. Sabu lays out Rey with a moonsault. Sabu goes for a top rope Arabian Leg Drop but misses! Sabu follows up though. Sabu sets up Rey on that table again! Sabu does a run and gun through ring and over the ropes but Rey is stand on the table! Sabu adjusts in MIDAIR and hits a flying DDT on the table outside the ring! The crowd chants “holy s**t!” The ref is stunned for second after what he just saw. He motions to the back to send help. EMTs come out and check on Rey and Sabu. One of the agents tells the ref that match is off! Its done they cannot continue! The crowd chants “Bull sh*t!” The EMTs immediately carry off Rey who seems to be having trouble breathing. Sabu refuses help and staggers under his own power backstage.
Result: No contest
Mick Foley & Edge vs. Tommy Dreamer & Terry Funk
Winners via Edge & Spear: Mick Foley, Edge and Lita
Balls Mahoney vs. Masato Tanaka
Balls is out first. Tanaka follows with his right shoulder already wrapped up. The bell rings and the match is on. Balls hits a suplex. Balls follows up with the Balls Shuffle. Wooooooah Baaaaalls goes the crowd. Tanaka drop kicks Balls out the ring. Tanaka follows up with a plancha. Balls catches him and pounds him on the ringside floor. Balls grabs a couple beers from the crowd and lays out Tanaka with them. Back in the ring Mahoney drops Tanaka with a top rope suplex. Each wrestler grabs a chair now. The slap chairs once, twice, three times! Balls lays in a kick and lays out Tanaka with a HUUUUUGE chair shot! Balls with the cover…1…2…3!
Winner via huge chair shot: Balls Mahoney
Hey! Believe it or not, its Eugene! The annoncer is purplexed. Eugene gets on the mic and says he “loves ECW!” He said his uncle Eric Bischoff use to tell him he was as smart as an ECW fan. He said he wrote a poem and will read it. “ECW is the place to be I love Terry Funk and RVD. Stevie Richards makes me howl when is sweats he wants to use Tazz’s towl. ECW ain’t phonie he wants hug Balls Mahoney….” The crowd chants “shut the F up!” Sandman’s music hits and he makes his way through the crowd fully equipped with a Kendo Stick! Sandman makes his way down the 2nd balchany. He downs about three or four beers. He’s in a terrific shape. Sandman enters the ring. He stares down Eugene, who is going nuts to see Sandman. The crowd chants “F him up Sandman, F him up!” Sandman lays Eugene out with a Kendo Stick shot. Eugene retreats ring side. Sandman tells him to beg. Eugene begs, but Sandman don’t care. He lays him out again! Sandman’s music hits he grabs a beer and toasts ECW!
Out first in RVD to a huge pop! He makes his traditional circle around the ring side tagging hands and saying “what up” to friends. RVD enters the ring, the music drops and the fans chant “RVD!” Out next is the Champ John Cena. He thought WWE fans were turning on him, but ECW fans already hate him. The crowd roars in boos. So loud you can noly hear John Cena’s entrance music. Cena appears at the top of the entrance isle and raises the title. He walks to the ring with the title in the air. He stares down RVD from ring side. Cena enters the ring and the fans boo. A sign is shown reading “IF CENA WINS WE RIOT!” The announcer introduces the challenger from Battle Creek, Mich. representing ECW, Rob Van Dam! The announcer introduces the Champion representing WWE RAW, John Cena! Cena tosses his shirt to the crowd and the fans toss it right back! Cena goes back and forth with fans. He throws it in, they throw it back! Cena is in pissed -disbelief. Finally a fan catches and and whipes his behind with it and throws it back. Cena catches the shirt. RVD tells Cena, they ain’t takin a shirt from you, they’d only want one from (the crowd also says) ROB…VAN…DAM! The bell rings and the match is on! Cena and RVD lock up in the center of the ring. Cena hits a fisherman suplex for a cover and now count. The crowd chants to Cena “you can’t wrestle!” RVD stares down Cena. John drops RVD with a shoulder drop. RVD goes for insiguri, but misses, he comes back and lays him off. Cena retreats to ring side. Cena and RVD exchange blows. Back and forth, back and forth and back and forth. Finally Cena is dazed, and down he goes! Cena tries to drop the five kuckle shuffle, the crowd chants “same old s**t!”. RVD retreats to ringside. Cena launches off the top rope to ringside on to RVD! But the ECW fans ain’t impressed. They now chant “Overrated!” Van Dam hits a quick moonsault off the stairs on to Cena! RVD b-lines it for Cena, but John sends him to the 3rd row! Cena follows up through the crowd. Cena gets RVD and tasses him back over the railing to ringside. Cena climbs over but RVD catches him with a kick. Cena is now leaning over the railing and RVD launches of the ring apron into a corkscrew spin and onto Cena with a long leg drop. Van Dam sets up Cean in the ring with his head sticking out over the appron. RVD drops another long leg ring side. RVD sets up Cena in the corner. RVD mounts speed with a chair and drop kicks Cena with the chair!. RVD sets up Cena in the middle of the ring and places a chair on top of him and lands a rolling thunder! Van Dam goes for the pin but only gets a 2 count! Cena is laying in the corner. RVD goes for a split legged moonsault. Cena grabs the chair just in time and RVD gets all steel chair. Cena hits a DDT on the chair! Cena sets up a chair in the corner and launches RVD with a wheel barrol toss into the corner! HEAD FIRST into the chair! Cena hits a sidewalk slam. Cena lands the five knuckle shuffle! Cena is stalking RVD now! RVD makes his way up to his feet. Cean gets RVD up! Van Dam fight out of the FU. RVD hits a spinning drop kick! Cena hits a sing-hand power bomb on RVD for a 2 count as the fans chant “you still suck!” Van Dam is able to fight for control and attempts to set up Cena on the ropes, Cena falls and tries to catch his feeting but RVD lets off with a drop kick sending Cena out the ring and onto the steel railing. RVD sets up a table, but Cean is able to sneak up on Van Dam and snap in the STFU! RVD is near the rope but can noly reach it! RVD stretches out the arm and grabs the rope. Cena wouldn’t break the hold so the ref breaks it for him. Cena lays out the ref with a clothsline and turns around to catch RVD climbing the ropes. Cena suplexes RVD off the top rope and heads out the ring for the steel steps. Cena nabs the steel steps and lays out RVD with it! The crowd boos and theres a new ref in the ring! But Cena could only get a 2 count! Cena signals for the FU. He gets RVD up but Van Dam hangs on to the ropes. Cena throws RVD over the ropes and outside. Meanwhile, a man wearing a motorcycle helmet and black trench coat spears Cena into the table! He taks off the helmet! ITS EDGE! He exits the ring. RVD is back in! Damn the ref is out! RVD mounts the ropes anyway. HUGE FIVE STAR SPLASH! RVD takes the cover but the ref is still out! RVD tries to revive the ref, but no luck. Paul Heyman hits the ring tells RVD to make the cover! Heyman counts! 1…2….3!
Winner and New WWE/ECW Champion: Rob Van Dam
RVD and Heyman celebrate. RVD hits the crowd and they congratulate him! RVD tours all round the arena tagging fans as he sports the strap! One of the most recognized wrestlers in the world, yet he never wore a major World Title. But, tonight, thanks to Paul Heyman, Rob Van Dam is your ECW World Champion. RVD hits the ring where the ECW roster awaits him. They pick him up on their shoulders and rock out as they celebrate the rebirth of ECW!
End of show.