We now bring you a transcript of a clandestine staff meeting in the conference room of WWE headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut, recorded with a Wrestlezone.com super-secret hidden covert microphone just this morning:
âAlright, everyone, you know I am a busy man so we will forego the formalities and get straight to it. Any new business?â
âYeah, the Mothers Against Drunk Driving local do-gooder brigade have launched a protest against Santino Marella being featured on our television. Theyâre upset that a guy with a pending DWI charge is being held up as a role model for the kids.â
âA role model for the kids?! They realize heâs a heel, right? Heâs a heel Fonzie cross-bred with Father Guido Sarducci! Jesus, who in their right mind would think this nut is a role model?!â
âVince they are staging what they are calling a booze-in at the White Plains show. Supposedly theyâre going to heave empty Pabst Blue Ribbon cans into the ring when ever Santino appears.â
âAh, Christ! Next!â
âYeah, Vince, the Home and Garden Television network notified us today that Mike Knox is about to start hosting a program on their channel.â
âFinally, some good news! This will certainly help with the blue-haired 80-year-old widow demographic that the Sony Playstation guys are after so hard!â
âMaybe not, Vince. Heâs hosting a show called âPimp My Stashâ which is about renovating your attic space to hide….â
âGood God, no! Cancel it! Cancel it! Cancel It! Next!â
âWe just got a memo from the USA network. They are concerned that the ratings are slipping year-to-date and are wondering what weâve got planned for the summer viewing season?â
âThe summer viewing season? The summer viewing season?! What do they want – naked, midget supermodels blowing up semi-trucks while Puddle of fâing Mud plays the national anthem in a crowd of naked midget supermodels?!?!………ya know, on second thought, somebody write that down.â
âThey want something to appeal to the kids.â
âKids LOVE midgets! Next!â
âBoss, bad news about William Regal. Heâs tested positive again. This is a number two.â
âGreat. Just fâing great. The guy begs for a push and, since we have absolutely no freakinâ idea where weâre going, we make him the king and GM of Raw and now this. I should have just gone a different way. Could have had King Mable II, General Manager Joey Styles, King Kofi Kingston, General Manager Festus, King The King. Good Christ can this day get any worse?â
âUh, Vince, Michael Hayes on the horn. Says something about a new character named Uncle Jemima?â
âTell him to hang on.â
