So, youâ<80><99>ve decided to plunk down nearly forty bucks for a pay-per-view. Maybe some friends have pitched in. Still, itâ<80><99>s an investment. You want to get your moneyâ<80><99>s worth. Maybe youâ<80><99>ll witness the â<80><9c>greatest PPV this yearâ<80>¦so far.â<80> Or perhaps youâ<80><99>ll see the clunker of the decade or even the century.
Pay-per-views are rated on match quality, pacing, and the ending. One match can make it. One match can break it. But what about the moniker adorning that show? Wrestlemania trips off the tongue. Starrcade is the stuff of legends.
Those are the good names. But what about the bad names? The ones that make you scratch your head and go, â<80><9c>Huh?â<80> Okay, maybe its me just scratching my head and speaking in a monosyllabic fashion.
On with it then!
Honorable Mention: One Night Stand (ECW/WWE) — Problem. Itâ<80><99>s not just one night, is it? It worked when ECW was an annual attraction within the confines of WWE. It was â<80><9c>one nightâ<80> where you can see the ECW stalwarts that did not appear on WWE television. The name would still work, had not WWE co-opted it and made it a tri-brand pay-per-view.
10. Heat Wave (ECW) — The original ECW had some great pay-per-view names, but this one was a bit too WWE-like or WCWish. Doesnâ<80><99>t quite go with â<80><9c>noly Legal,â<80> â<80><9c>Hardcore Heaven,â<80> or â<80><9c>Anarchy Rulzâ<80> does it? Sounds like something that Hulk Hogan would headline. â<80><9c>Itâ<80><99>s going to be â<80>~Heat Wave,â<80><99> brother!â<80>
9. Taboo Tuesday (WWE) — Ah, alliteration. Why be creative when you can be oh so cute? Was the fan voting taboo? Were the matches taboo? The wrestlers? The referees? The audience? Makes no sense, but it is oh so cute.
8. Cyber Sunday (WWE) — So, this replaced â<80><9c>Taboo Tuesday.â<80> Again, alliteration. Makes a little more sense, but sounds like a lonely guyâ<80><99>s day on the Internet. If you smell what the Steve is cookinâ<80><99>.
7. December to Dismember (ECW/WWE) — Good lord. This is a classic example of WWE trying to replicate the old ECW. Way, way, way too gimmicky. Are we really going to see limbs leaving wrestlers? Is Freddy, Jason or Michael making a cameo appearance? Theyâ<80><99>re no Robocop.
6. World War 3 (WCW) — Whoa! Letâ<80><99>s not overdo it here. I mean, a feud is a feud, but a world war? In the annals of history, are we going to mention it with the two big wars in the first half of the twentieth century? Its name that is both non-descript and over-the-top all at the same time.
5. Against All Odds (TNA) — TNA gets one in, but only because I canâ<80><99>t get the Phil Collins song out of my head. Naming a pay-per-view after a sappy, eighties love song is bad, mmkay? Call it something else. Itâ<80><99>s the chance youâ<80><99>ve gotta tay-ay-ay-ake.
4. Souled Out (WCW) — In this case, the pay-per-views were as bad as the name, if not worse. I get it. The spelling of â<80><9c>Souled.â<80> Very clever. But what the hell does it mean?
3. Greed (WCW) — This is when WCW was getting all cryptic in their waning days. Greed? Over what, the payoff the wrestlers were getting? One guy doesnâ<80><99>t want to put the other over in a match? Non-descript and stupid.
2. Sin (WCW) — The runner-up was WCWâ<80><99>s last pay-per-view only notable for Sid breaking his leg. The â<80><9c>sinâ<80> was airing this, proving the â<80><9c>sinsâ<80> of WCW were coming home to roost.
1. This Tuesday in Texas (WWE) — Holy crap, was this a bad name. The promotion of it was even worse. Everything was: Itâ<80><99>s coming â<80><9c>This Tuesday in Texas.â<80> Just wait for â<80><9c>This Tuesday in Texas.â<80> Iâ<80><99>m gonna get you brother, â<80><9c>This Tuesday in Texas.â<80>
