The One and Only Original Random Thoughts: ROH, Impact Reviews

WrestleZone


*I found out this past week that I was the world’s greatest wrestler. A bunch of the the guys in the locker room that used to work with ROH thought that I was a better wrstler than Bryan Danielson, so they decided that I should refer to myself as the “World’s Greatest Wrestler” from now on. I like the sound of it. In all honesty, I should be known as “The World’s greatest Wrestling Writer.”

*I was contacted by ROH to come in and do a match with Bryan Danielson but had to turn them down. 1) They weren’t offering me enough money, and 2) They wanted me to do a job and then shake his hand afterwards and declare him the “World’s Greatest Wrestler.” I thought the angle would work better if I beat HIM and he shook my hand afterwards and declared myself as “The World’s Greatest Wrestler.” Negotiations broke down at that point and an agreement was never reached.

*I noticed that Kevin Mcalhargey’s last column is going to be next week. I’m sure it will be a lengthy soliliquy(I hope I spelled that right) on how much he’s learned from reading my stuff. At least he’s had the common decency to not rip off the names of his articles, Mr. Steve Anderson. You couldn’t come up with anything better than “random thoughts?” That’s the name of my articles. For future reference, don’t title your articles with “random thoughts” anymore. That’s unofficial copyright infringement. I should sue your ass.

*Freddy Prinze Jr. has joined WWE’s creative team, apparantely when negotiations broke down with their first choice, Yakov Smirnoff. Maybe he’s a pretty creative guy. We’ll see. I only hope that his blog isn’t any indication of how nerdy this guy might actually be, though. Which wrestler do you think is going to get heat by trying to sleep with Sarah Michelle Gellar?

*Another fascinating Impact review from Jeff Hamlin of wrestlingobserver.com:

“The Big News: It was a Russo wet dream with enough angles to pound a normal man into submission.”

“SUMMARY: Good lord was a cluttered show. Just trying to recap all of this makes me feel like Miguel Cotto in the 11th round Saturday night. ThereĆ¢<80><99>s simply no way an ordinary fan can keep up with all of these angles.”

I’ve been waiting for someone that writes for a pro wrestling insider website to actually go on record and try to speak for the “ordinary fan.” Jeff Hamlin has obliged, and doesn’t realize how condescending he has made himself sound. Jeff Hamlin thinks that wrestling fans that aren’t “smart” must be morons, because there’s no way that they can keep up with a show that has so many angles. Now we’re talking about professional wrestling, not 24, CSI, or Law and Order.

Here’s the problem with the Mr. Hamlin’s of the world. I guess they want to be treated like Ebert with a certain degree of crediblity, but the bottom line is that they don’t speak from an expert’s point of view, because they really don’t know that much about the business. There is no way that you can present a logical and reasonable argument to me that a guy that writes for an internet website that smartens up the fans for free, reveals spoilers, tells stories with partial accuracy, has never had a match, has never taken a bump(i’ll stand corrected if he has) hates one of the writer’s whom he’s never had a conversation with or met(i’m assuming), or even knows one angle that he’s responsible for on the show, that he would have any clue whatsoever what an “ordinary fan” can or cannot comprehend when they watch the wrestling show. The main problem is that most “ordinary fans” suspend disbelief when they watch wrestling. Most writers on internet websites can’t suspend disbelief. Especially when they’re watching it and assuming that the people that are won’t be able to understand it. It’d be like watching Batman and half way throught the movie saying, “How’s an imbecile supposed to understand the joker’s plots? This movie is way overbooked.”

Seriously, some of these guys just need to understand that they have no pulse on what the ordinary wrestling fan likes. And they also need to understand how stupid they sound when they can’t watch a wrestling show without falling into a mindless state of confusion. I’d love to see Jeff Hamlin’s review of an episode of 24: “WTF? The opening 8 minutes had 6 angles! Are these guys f’in kidding? Who could understand this?”

*Don’t anybody complain to me if we see the Invisible Man make an appearance in The Prince Justice Brotherhood storyline. In a related story, when I was in New Zealand for a sci fi convention, I spent alot of time with Christopher Judge, the star, creator, and executive producer of Stargate on the sci-fi channel. He actually has a storyline for the introduction of alien characters into wrestling. We can only hope and pray to see it some day.

*Whatever happened to Kevin Kelley’s ridiculous and awful idea to have an interactive wrestling federation? The booking meetings would be a sight to behold. They’d look like the Green Bay Packer’s stockholder meeting they had at lambeau field recently. 10,000 people. “OK everyone! Raise your hand if Sabu should go over. 1,2, 6, 12, 25. OK! 25! Now raise your hand if Bryan Danielson should go over. (ten minutes passes) 4,752! OK! Raise your hand if you think it should be a draw.”

*This article is not for sale.

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