The Dark Night: Why so Delirious?

Scott Hudson


The WWE has tossed all of their talent into a sausage grinder and cranked out a virtual keilbasha of brand new superstars. 2004-2007 WWE purists are going nuts! You would have thought they made a new â<80><9c>Supermanâ<80> movie.

Just take a look at the champions roster:

World Heavyweight Champion: C. M. Punk

World Tag Team Champions: Ted DiBiase, Jr. And Cody Rhodes

WWE Champion: HHH

WWE Tag Team Champions: Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder

Intercontinental Champion: Kofi Kingston

U.S. Champion: Shelton Benjamin

ECW Champion: Mark Henry

Wow. Without a hint of sarcasm , I can say that list shocks me to the core. Other than the Modern Day Zbysko, all of these name are relatively new to the upper echelon of the WWE. And, on top of that, they are pretty good (Henry being the obvious exception). Nine titles, three of them on African-Americans. Michael Hayes looks more and more idiotic. Kingston, Henry and Benjamin should take him out to dinner at Sylviaâ<80><99>s.

Its almost like the WWE was conducting a grand social experiment. Like launching two ferries into the river each rigged with a enough explosive to blow a divas boobs up a half a size.

And the similarities do not end there.

HHHarvey Dent (two face) serves two masters: 1) his legacy in the sport means everything to him. The thought of compromising his ability for any reason eats away at him at night, but 2) he knows he is to-the-manor-born and destined to inherit the world (not the old New York restaurant) if he just sells his soul. Which will he choose? Will he choose? Or will he just flip a coin and leave it to chance?

Stephanie â<80><9c>Rachel Dawesâ<80> McMahon is a beautiful, ballsy woman who will not be denied. Playing both sides against the middle all in an effort to achieve her goal of ruling her own personal life. But she keeps finding herself in predicaments from which she needs rescue. Will there come a time when no one comes for her?

Shane McBatman is tortured by the fate lifeâ<80><99>s lot has cast him. He would prefer to simply operate the family business profitably and come home every evening to bask in his success. He finds himself unable to do this because of the evil nature of those surrounding him. He could simply do nothing and insulate himself from the evil-doers. But he just canâ<80><99>t. Heâ<80><99>s got to do something. But what?

Mr. McJoker. Ah, the puppetmaster. The man so born of bad blood he relishes the idea that he can manipulate others with a mere waive of the pencil. â<80><9c>How about a magic trick?â<80> His ideas are always the best (just ask him) and will work if everyone will just believe him. â<80><9c>Letâ<80><99>s give away a million dollars a week to viewers. Lets blow up a limo. Lets have a set scaffold fall on me and pretend Iâ<80><99>m paralyzed. Why wonâ<80><99>t anyone listen to me?!â<80> I think we know how he got those scars.

I for one want no part of seeing Vince McMahon dressed in a nurses outfit. The experiment the WWE is conducting by a mass shuffling of talent at the top of the pecking order will live or die on how the viewers take to the new kids. They certainly have the look, the work (except Henry) and the mic ability to make this succeed. But do they have â<80><9c>it.â<80> The â<80><9c>itâ<80> we all new the ridiculously gimmicked Rocky Maivia and bleach-blonded, unfortunately monickered â<80><9c>Ringmaster Steve Austinâ<80> had when they debuted.

But, worry not. If it tanks, they can always make a sequel.

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