The Junkie & The House Mom; Gravitas, Not Gaga

Nick Paglino

THE JUNKIE & THE HOUSE MOM; GRAVITAS, NOT GAGA
by Mark Madden

 
I’m glad to hear that Eric Bischoff is “embarrassed and disappointed” with Kurt Angle’s arrest. Luckily, Jeff Hardy is back to pick up any slack.
 
I’m glad to see that Karen Jarrett has been appointed VP in charge of Impact’s knockouts. Back in Karen’s day, that job was referred to as “house mom.”
 
I’m glad that the rosters of Raw and Smackdown have been merged on Mondays to create a Raw “supershow.” But why does the brand extension otherwise continue to exist? Why not have a “supershow” Fridays on SyFy, too? Doesn’t the current path brand Smackdown as the clear-cut B show?
 
I’m glad that Jim Ross says he will cease sniping with Michael Cole on Raw. But does that mean Cole will hold up his end of that bargain? Will Cole sub gravitas for gaga? If not, Ross’ proclamation doesn’t mean a thing.
 
See? Every time I try to be positive, I do a 180 back to cynical.
 
It’s tough to feel otherwise when illogical self-sabotage still permeates wrestling.
 
Example No. 1: Impact seemed to be onto something with the Bound For Glory series. The scheduling, rules and awarding of points were a bit inexact, but it was a legit attempt to make the results of matches meaningful.
 
Then BFG series leader Crimson gets attacked by Sloppy Joe, “injures his ankle,” and is forced out of the tournament. A meaningful, atypical concept gets destroyed by a clichéd, hokey wrestling angle. Is a Crimson-Sloppy Joe feud really worth flushing the BFG series? Whoever wins the BFG series now DOESN’T REALLY WIN. Crimson casts a shadow.
 
Example No. 2: Kevin Nash texted himself from Triple H’s phone, thus setting up his return to WWE.
 
So, let’s see if I have this right: Kevin Nash, all 7 feet of him…sneaked into SummerSlam, stole Triple H’s phone, texted himself, and returned the phone…ALL WITHOUT BEING NOTICED OR RECOGNIZED? Kevin Nash is a voluminous human being. Stealth is not his strong suit.
 
As an intelligent wrestling fan, I expect better booking. I simply can’t overlook gaping holes in storyline.
 
Weirder still: The ongoing Sin Cara conundrum.
 
WWE hired Mistico to play Sin Cara. Hunico played an impostor Sin Cara, but may now be used as Sin Cara, period. In employing Hunico as Sin Cara, WWE is stealing Mistico’s past, presenting Hunico as Mistico under the hood as Sin Cara. Mistico should have used Identity Guard.
 
Among Mistico’s sins: Not knowing how to work WWE style. What did anyone expect? He’s worked in Mexico for 13 years, with brief tours elsewhere but never in WWE. Mistico also had heat for conducting himself like a star backstage. HOW DARE HE? Oh, wait, I forgot…MISTICO IS A STAR. He was the biggest box-office draw in Mexico from 2006-10. He’s been in music videos and comic books. In 2006 alone, he was in 18 main events that each drew more than 10,000.
 
Did WWE’s backstage pecking order really dictate that Mistico bow and scrape, that he go around shaking everybody’s hand like the Young Bucks didn’t? Sure did. Unless it happened in WWE, it doesn’t count. Argh.
 
Drawing in Mexico doesn’t guarantee drawing in America. But that draw, that charisma…THAT’S WHY WWE HIRED MISTICO IN THE FIRST PLACE. Respect that, please. Understand his ring limitations before you hire him, and if they’re overwhelming, don’t hire him. Know exactly what you’re getting, good and bad, before pen gets put to paper.
 
Presenting Hunico as Mistico just sucks. It’s not fair to Mistico’s career, or to his legacy in Mexico. To Lucha fans, it’s the equivalent of the fake Razor and Diesel.
 
Mark Madden hosts a radio show 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WXDX-FM, Pittsburgh, PA (105.9). Check out his web page at WXDX.com. Contact Mark by emailing wzmarkmadden@hotmail.com.

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