Impact’s Big Reveal

Nick Paglino

Impact WrestlingIt’s hard to say Impact Wrestling has hit a definitive low point. There have just been too many to pick from.

But THE BIG REVEAL of D’Lo Brown as the vice-president of Aces & Eights has to rank right down there.  D’Lo Brown is a career curtain-jerker. He has zero star power. Casual wrestling fans DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS.

It’s in keeping with the general theme of Aces & Eights, haven for WWE rejects, obi-wan-jabronis, never-wases and never-will-bes. This random gang of miscreants makes the nWo Black & White look like the original Four Horsemen.

To wit:

D’Lo Brown – the OTHER Gangsta. He carried Mustafa’s bags, for God’s sake.

Devon – the OTHER Dudley.

Wes Brisco – the OTHER Brisco.

Garett Bischoff – the OTHER Bischoff.

DOC – the mentally-impaired hillbilly from WWE.

Knox – ECW’s domestic abuser. Roll over, Ike Turner and tell O.J. Simpson the news.

Ken Anderson – Steve Austin, but without charisma or a chin and with flab.

Taz – If Aces & Eights is trying to bring down Impact, why does Impact allow Taz to remain on the broadcast team? It certainly isn’t because he’s good.

(That’s a shame, because Taz used to be very good. Now, he’s so bad it seems like he’s intentionally trying to ruin the show. It’s reminiscent of Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund in WCW. They thought the product was beneath them. Heenan and Okerlund weren’t in the big leagues anymore, so they stopped trying.)

That’s Aces & Eights. They suck. A junior-high chess club wouldn’t feel threatened by those guys, let alone a wrestling promotion. They’re nobodies, and Impact’s attempted build just hasn’t been successful.

The next BIG REVEAL will be Eric Bischoff as Aces & Eights president. Eric’s motorcycle fetish is EMBARRASSING. Bischoff squandered millions with WCW by doing free shows at the Sturgis bike rally. He looked like the biggest asshat ever when he got lowered into the ring on a motorcycle. Now, with Impact, he’s making himself leader of a motorcycle gang. BAD CASTING. Undertaker’s motorcycle gimmick sucked, but Bischoff makes ‘Taker look like Sonny Barger.

Why do wrestling companies let individuals represent their personal fantasies at the expense of business? Aces & Eights ISN’T WORKING.

Sad part is, it could have. Sons of Anarchy has been a big hit for FX. Done right, Aces & Eights could have meant something. But it hasn’t been done right.

I wonder what real bikers think of these lightweights? Good thing nobody watches.

Up soon: Bully Ray turns on Hulk and spurns his daughter. I’m not sure whether Bully joins Aces & Eights. You’d hate to see Aces & Eights get somebody with credibility. That would give people the wrong idea.

It would actually be interesting if Bully and Brooke both turned on Hulk. That’s the only possible remaining intriguing use of the Hogan family. But Hulk would never do that, because it would misrepresent and disrespect his family – you know, the Hogan clan being so stable, loving and together.

FOLLOW MARK MADDEN ON TWITTER: @MarkMaddenX

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