WWE RAW Results (4/17): McMahonism, Haas Returns!

Ryan Clark


WWE RAW Results (4/17): McMahonism, Haas Returns!

Event: WWE Monday Night RAW Results

Airdate: Monday, April 17th, 2006

Location: The SAVVIS Center in St. Louis, MO

Results by PowerWrestling.com

WWE RAW Opener:

The fireworks went off in the arena for the start of WWE RAW as Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler and the Coach welcomed us to St. Louis! With that, the music of Mr. McMahon hit in the arena and he strutted his way down to the ring as the Chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment. McMahon got on the mic and said the question is, “will Mr. McMahon go to hell?” and that is exactly what his son Shane asked him last week when they left church for the very first time. He said he may have offended Shane in some way, so maybe he offended the rest of you in a larger way, and he is here to set the record straight. Will McMahon go to hell? The answer is no. He said he was there earlier this morning. He was picked up at the airport and they ended up in east St. Louis, and that is hell. He said another reason why he isn’t going to hell is because you shouldn’t confused what he’s doing with blasphemy. He said all religions are the same, and he is here to announce a new religion, McMahonism. He says the concept is simple, he is the lord, master and god of all sports entertainment, and whoever participates in it will worship him. He said it’s pretty harsh, but it’s a new religion. He wondered what would have happened if McMahonism was around when Michelangelo pained the Sistine chapel? A picture then came on the tron with McMahon as the painting on the chapel. He then brings up Moses, and says what if he and Moses were together.

We are then shown McMahon’s commandments, including screwing others before they screw you, and don’t screw your neighbours wife…unless she’s really hot! She then brings up the last supper, with McMahon imposed on there. McMahon then talks about Shea Stadium with Pop John Paul, and the fans chanted boring at him. McMahon said McMahonism is a theology of the future. McMahon said there is a point to all of this, and the point is that each and every one of them are here in America, where they can practise their freedoms. Freedom to worship any religion you want to worship. He said he is offering everyone to join him as he opens the doors to his church and to join him in McMahonism. He said there is one person in this arena who will not convert, and his name is Shawn Michaels. McMahon said at Backlash, he and Shane will make Michaels fall on his knees and worship at his feet, and if he’s telling a lie, then strike him down. McMahon yelled for god to take him right now, and to show him a sign. McMahon said Michaels won’t show him a sign, the god of McMahonism will show you a sign tonight, and he will guarantee victory against Shawn Michaels at Backlash. Praise be the glory of Vincent Kennedy McMahon. The crowd started to cheer and McMahon turned right into a superkick from Shawn Michaels! Michaels celebrated for a while and then went up the ramp. Michaels charged back to the ring from the top of the aisle and then did the DX chop to McMahon as he was coming to.

Backstage:

McMahon is being helped by referees in the back, and then Triple H comes in and asks if he’s alright, and should lay off the god stuff. McMahon said god will show a sign tonight. McMahon said that Triple H called him an old man last week…a feeble old man. Triple H said he didn’t say he was feeble. McMahon said tonight, he’s teaming up Edge and John Cena, and they are going to face Triple H!

Referee: Mickey Hensen

Rob Conway vs. Kane

Rob Conway is in the ring and gets on the mic. He says he’s nobody’s punching bag, he’s Rob Conway damnit, and the next person who dares to disrespect him will be dealt with…here comes Kane.

The match:

Kane nailed Conway with an uppercut and then sent him to the ropes but Conway came back with a boot and forearm, but then ran into a clothesline. Kane sent Conway to the corner and squashed him with another clothesline and then a big boot. Kane grabbed Conway by the throat and gave him the chokeslam for the win.

Winner – Kane

The Aftermath:

Kane went over to Lilian and got in her face. He shouted “what did you just say about May 19”. Kane grabbed Lilian by the throat and picked her up for a chokeslam and then the Big Show’s music hit! Kane threw Lilian down hard as Show came down in new gear. Show asked Kane what was going on again, and asked him what the big deal is about May 19. Kane then grabbed Show by the throat and started to choke him out, and then Show grabbed Kane by the throat and gave him the chokeslam! Kane sat up and started laughing.

Backstage:

Chavo is shown being set up in the back getting ready to no his soul to Jim Ross tonight. We go to the video package of what led to him quitting WWE. We’re back with Jim Ross and he says the night after WrestleMania, he challenged Shelton Benjamin for the IC Title and lost, and then quit the WWE. Ross hopes he has reconsidered. Chavo said he’s had a chance to reconsider, and he feels it was made hastily. He said that the fans and his family feels he made the wrong decision. He said he made a promise to the fans, his family and Eddie, and he let everyone down. He felt it in his heart that he would bring the IC Title home to his family, and he feels that his loss summed everything up and he made the right decision. Ross said it was a drastic decision, and asks if Eddie would approve of him quitting. Chavo said he and Eddie stood behind each other with every decision they made. He said Eddie would have been disgusted with his loss. Chavo said that decisions he’s made his entire life, wrestling is all he’s ever wanted to do, but maybe he’s not cut out for it and there are other things on the horizon. He said maybe he can get his real estate license or something. Ross said there will be a lot of other matches, and he doesn’t believe that Eddie would approve of Chavo quitting the family business. Chavo said the loss was a monumental turn in his life, and he feels he made the right decision to quit, and as much as it kills him to say it, he feels that his wrestling career has come to an end. Ross and Chavo shook hands.

In the arena:

The announcers inform us that Lilian Garcia is traumatized, and Coach said he can ring announce and analyze at the same time.

Non Title Match

Referee: Jack Doan

Charlie Haas vs. Shelton Benjamin (c)

Coach informs us that if Shelton is victorious in the next match, he will face Rob Van Dam for the Money in the Bank at Backlash, but if he loses, then the IC Title will be on the line. Shelton then makes his way to the ring as the Intercontinental Champion. Charlie Haas is his opponent, making his WWE return here tonight!

The start:

Haas came right in and gave Shelton a German and then a clothesline and sent him head first to the corner. Haas nailed a nice arm drag and then another one. Haas followed up with a dropkick and then clotheslined Benjamin to the outside. Haas sent Benjamin head first into the apron and then nailed a series of chops and sent him back into the ring. Benjamin came back with a knee to the back with a nice counter and then stomped away at Haas. Benjamin nailed a nice clothesline and then delivered some knees to the back.

Mid-match notes:

Benjamin choked Haas over the middle rope and then gave him a straight right hand. Outside and Shelton sent Haas into the ring steps. Haas came back with right hands but then Benjamin slammed him on the floor. Benjamin tossed Haas back into the ring over the top and then locked in a rear chin lock. Haas came back but then Benjamin nailed him with a knee to the gut, and then a club to the back. Benjamin went for the Dragon Whip but Haas countered into a back drop. They traded right hands in the corner and Haas then nailed a back drop and a pair of clotheslines. Haas hit some knees but then missed a dropkick.

The Finish:

Benjamin hit a back suplex and then Shelton mocked Rob Van Dam by doing the rolling thunder! Benjamin laughed and then slapped Haas around in the corner. Benjamin went for the splash and nailed it and then scored with a roundhouse kick. Benjamin leaped up top and went for the Five Star but Haas moved and Benjamin rolled out of it. Haas then got a jack knife rolled up out of nowhere for the win!

Winner – Charlie Haas

The Aftermath:

Benjamin is shocked and Haas is elated. Benjamin will now have to defend the Intercontinental Title against Rob Van Dam at Backlash!

Kiss Cam:

We are shown footage of the Kiss Cam with Maria on WWE.com Unlimited.

Backstage:

McMahon is backstage and Armando comes in. He says he has a confession, and he has recently converted to McMahonism. He says he would like to make a donation, for the services of his man Umaga. He is asking McMahon to make a match tonight, one on one, Umaga vs. Shawn Michaels. Armando said Umaga is a killer, and he will put Shawn Michaels back on the highway to hell. McMahon makes the match, and the match is next. Benjamin then comes in and says he needs McMahon’s help. He said he can’t defend the IC Title at Backlash. Benjamin said he saw a light out there, and it led him straight to this office. Benjamin got on his knees and said McMahonism is the way. McMahon said maybe he can do something after all…he does like people on his knees before him.

Referee:

Umaga vs. Shawn Michaels

Umaga made his way to the ring with Armando Alejandro Estrada and we are set as he will face Shawn Michaels in one on one action next!

The start:

Michaels nailed some chops and then right hands and charged at Umaga but got nailed with a clothesline. Umaga gave Michaels a body slam and nailed a roundhouse kick, sending Michaels over the top to the outside. McMahon made his way down the aisle for a closer look as Umaga nailed a chop on the outside sending Michaels onto the announce table. McMahon took a chair and a mic and then Umaga nailed Michaels with a right hand.

Mid-match notes:

Umaga sent Michaels head first into the announce table before bringing him back into the ring. Umaga nailed a headbutt and then a running knee drop. Michaels fought back with right hands but then Umaga nailed him with an uppercut, and then a headbutt. Umaga sent Michaels to the corner and went for a splash but Michaels got his boot up. Michaels nailed chops but then Umaga threw him to the corner. Umaga went for the running butt bump in the corner but Michaels moved and hit a big shot and hit a running forearm to knock Umaga down.

The Finish:

Michaels nipped up and then headed to the top and came off with the elbow. Michaels started to tune up the band and McMahon went for him and Armando grabbed his ankle. Umaga missed a splash but then sent Michaels hard to the corner, tying him up in the process. Umaga hit two huge diving headbutts and then started hammering on Michaels and the referee called for the bell after being shoved twice.

Winner by disqualification, Shawn Michaels

The Aftermath:

Umaga nailed Michaels with his taped up thumb and then McMahon got on the mic and told them to get the hell out of his ring, and he’s going to finish Michaels himself. McMahon got in the ring and pulled Michaels up and tied him in the ropes. McMahon grabbed his chair from ringside and went to get back in the ring and then the corner exploded. Another pyro went off next to McMahon and he made his way to the back looking scared. Looks like God intervened to save Michaels? Who books this shit. McMahon was going to make his way back to the ring and then a huge explosion went off and the entire entrance way was filled with a wall of fire.

During The Break:

McMahon is shown leaving the arena in his limousine.

In the arena:

Matt Striker is in the ring for Striker’s Classroom. He says Stone Cold and the Rock are absolutely awful, and he knows this because he used to work as a teacher. He said he was appalled that his students could tell him what happened on RAW, but couldn’t tell him the bill of rights. He said he couldn’t imagine what goes on in somewhere like St. Louis where the dropouts are through the roof. Striker says people are more concerned with being cool than being smart and they are more concerned about being like Nelly than knowing about Nixon. He says school is cool, and if they disagree with him, he is forced to give each and every one of them an F. Striker said he wants them to write this down…Carlito’s music then hit and he made his way down to the ring. Striker asked if he could help Carlito. Carlito said he was looking all over for his apple, but Striker stole it for his classroom thing. Carlito took his apple back, and he said he always thought it was more important to be cool. He said he tried to explain it to the teachers, but they were like him, stupid. Carlito said one day he got so fed up, he took his teachers apple and spat it right in his face, and he got expelled. He said he became the coolest guy on the island. He said looking at Striker, he kinda looks like that teacher, and wants to relive that day. Striker told Carlito to put down the apple. Striker said he has an analogy. Carlito: “Anal what?” Striker said Carlito is to spitting an apple that Striker is to giving him the worse beating of his entire life. Carlito then spat apple right in Striker’s face and then worked him over with stomps and right hands. Master’s then hit the ring and locked in the Master Lock on Carlito from behind. Masters left Carlito laying.

Handicap Match

Referee: Mickey Henson

Rob Van Dam vs. The Spirit Squad

Rob Van Dam makes his way to the ring as Mr. Money in the Bank and he’s set for a Handicap Match here tonight. He has also spray painted the Money in the Bank Briefcase. Styles informs us that if Van Dam loses, then both the MITB and the IC Title will be on the line at Backlash. Rob Van Dam will be facing the Spirit Squad.

The start:

They came in one by one and Van Dam took them all down. RVD hit a suicide plancha over the top onto two members, and then used the trampoline to get back in the ring. Finally, the rest of the Squad caught up with Van Dam and hammered him down. They gave him the High Spirits. They then picked up RVD as Kenny came off the top with a leg drop for the win.

Winners – The Spirit Squad

Backstage:

Maria is in the back with Trish Stratus, dressed as Mickie. She says that the other Mickie has an awesome surprise for her waiting in the ring.

In the arena:

There’s a box in the ring, and then Mickie James music hit and Trish made her way to the ring. Trish gets on the mic and asks if they remember when Mickie gave her an awesome present before WrestleMania? Trish says that he got Mickie a little surprise, and she is going to love it! Mickie comes out and says she doesn’t want the present. Trish says that she went through a lot of trouble to get this here, and they raise the box. Jack, Trish’s ex is under the box tied up. Jack says he thinks both these bitches are crazy. Trish sits down on Jack and says that she was thinking. If Mickie is really Trish, then she must be concerned what happens to Jack. Trish says if she’s not Trish, then she has nothing to do with this guy here, and then she’ll realise that she’s not Trish, and she can stop dressing and acting like Trish. Ya dig? Mickie says she understands and tells her to get her filthy hands off her boyfriend. Trish nails her with right hands and then a spinebuster. What? Mickie gets on the mic and checks on Jack and says she’s so sorry. Mickie’s right breast is fully exposed and photos have made it online. Four exclusive pics can be found at the link below. Mickie then said Jack cheated on her, and then nailed him with a Mick Kick. What? I quit.

Backstage:

Edge and Lita are in the back and Triple H comes in. Edge said he knows that he tapped last week, but at least it was a Handicap Match. Edge says he will pin Triple H tonight. Triple H said that could happen, but he doubts Cena will let that happen. Cena stabbed him in the back last week. He said that he hates Cena more than he hates Edge, and if anyone hates Cena it’s Edge. Triple H said Cena kicked his ass and took his title and he hasn’t done a damn thing about it.

Backslash:

Danko Jones – “Baby Hates Me” is the official theme song for Backlash.

– Kane vs. Big Show

– Mr. McMahon and Shane McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels and God

– Carlito vs. Chris Masters

– MITB vs. IC Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Shelton Benjamin (c)

– Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James (c)

– WWE Championship: Edge vs. Triple H vs. John Cena (c)

Handicap Match

Referee: Michael Chioda

Edge and John Cena vs. Triple H

The music of Edge hit in the arena as he made his way to the ring with Lita, and he will be teaming with WWE Champion John Cena against Triple H here tonight.

The start:

Triple H took Cena down from behind and then stomped away at him. Triple H hit some right hands in the corner but Cena comes back with an Irish whip to the corner, and then a cradle suplex for two. Cena locked in a side headlock and nailed a shoulder block, but Triple H came back with a high knee. Triple H hit some straight right hands and then a suplex. Triple H did the DX chop and hit a knee drop for two. Cena came back with a boot and then a flying clothesline.

Mid-match notes:

Cena hit the modified back suplex and then went for the Five Knuckle Shuffle but ran into a spinebuster. Edge tagged in and then nailed Cena send him outside. Triple H then hit some right hands on Edge and then a spinebuster. Triple H hit a clothesline in the corner and then a neckbreaker for two. Triple H hit the facebuster but then Edge came back with a heel kick and Cena came back taking down Edge.

The Finish:

Triple H went for the Pedigree but Cena reversed and went for the FU but Triple H threw Cena off into Edge and the referee. Triple H went to the outside and pulled the sledgehammer from under the ring. Triple H nailed Cena in the head with the hammer, and then Edge speared Triple H and covered for the win!

Winners – Edge and John Cena

The Aftermath:

Edge signalled that he just outsmarted everyone and we may be looking at the next WWE Champion. Edge laughed and Triple H looked pissed as RAW went off the air.

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