Hey kids it’s your third favorite Lounger coming with some exclusive Smackdown spoilers. Smackdown will be brought to the viewing audience this week from beautiful downtown Greenville, SC. The United States capital of religious hypocrisy Bob Jones University and well, that’s about it. Anyway, let’s get on to the spoilers.
We made out way in the arena and found our nice, cozy, third row seats four chairs away from the aisle opposite the hard camera. Depending on how they edit the show IU should be in full view when wrestlers come down the ring. So, the big scary guy with the “I do my own stunts shirt” is yours truly and I ain’t pretty. You have been warned. The show started promptly at 7:38 with the first match between an old friend and a faceless Indy worker. The names here are going to be haphazard because the Bi-Lo Center sound system is atrocious. At hockey games you can barely make out what is being said over the PA system and that is with no crowd noise what so ever.
(1) Faceless Indy worker defeated Lodi. Yep you read that right, there has been a Lodi sighting and it was good. Lodi came out with his usual sign. One side read “Lodi Hates Greenville” and the other read “Lodi is great” or something to that effect. I was trying in vain to pound my beer before it spilled all over the ground, plus the incredible buzz of pounding a sixteen ounce beer in a minute and I missed the other side. The FIW( faceless Indy worker) was announced as Greenville native so the crowd jumped on his side. The match was average with Lodi looking good as well as the FIW. FIW won the match with a neckbreaker but only after a very convincing near fall after a spike DDT by Lodi.
(2) Brunette Indy worker defeated Blond Indy Worker. I dubbed this the battle of the strippers. The blonde was announced wrestling out of North Carolina and the brunette from Colorado. The brunette Indy worker won the match after some sloppy and I mean sloppy exchanges. If it matters, the crowd ate up the blonde Indy worker. She has the WWE look about her save her chest. And we all know that can be fixed nowadays.
I believe this is where Velocity will take place. They lowered the arena lights so the near empty upper portion of the arena would not be seen. I need to mention the crowd capacity here. Monday afternoon I received an e-mail saying there was a link on Ticketmaster for free Smackdown tickets through the different large corporations here in Greenville. I went to the site and found that you could still get lower bowl seats for roughly $4.00. This is when I knew the WWE was in trouble. When I got to the arena the upper portion of the arena was entirely tarped off except for two sections. Those two sections had half of the seats tarped off. When I was here for Raw two years a go the arena was much fuller with only the upper deck on the hard camera side tarped off. This cannot be an encouraging sign for the WWE.
Anyhoo, the green Velocity hue came over the Smackdown fist and Kidman’s music played.
(1) Spike Dudley defeated C.W. Anderson.. C.W. looks a lot different than his ECW days. He looks older and thinner. I suppose that is a fair trade off. Spike came out to a loud chorus of boos and had his sweet goatee in full effect. This was an interesting contrast in styles since Spike can barely throw a kazoo around let alone someone who weighs three times as much as he does. So, C.W. grounded Spike but Spike countered with his quick strike offense. Near the end, C.W. caught Spike with the Anderson Spinebuster and scored a convincing near fall. By convincing I mean the entire crowd, myself included, thought it was over and we had an upset on our hands. But Spike kicked out and delivered the Dudley Dog from the middle rope for the victory.
(2) Paul London defeated Billy Kidman. Finally, I get to see Paul London live and in person and up close. Apparently I was the only person who gave a rat’s ass about him since I was the only person cheering during his short intro. Paul ran in the ring and attacked Kidman before the bell so they rang the bell starting the match. If only the real world ran that way, sigh. This was a very good back and forth contest with London showing great fire and Kidman acting smug the entire time even when he was being whipped by London. The end came when Kidman missed a Shooting Star Press allowing London to hit his 450 Splash for the pin. This was easily the best match on the card. It made me want to catch Velocity for a change to hear the commentary and see how it plays out across the tube. After the match Melodie turned to me and said” Paul London is hot.” So there you go, a ladies perspective and the first of many tonight.
(3) Luther Reigns defeated Hardcore Holly. Luther came out with a surprising amount of boos. Hardcore followed with an equally surprising amount of cheers. When did Bob Holly become a face? Did I miss an episode of Smackdown? I know he was a face when he fought Lesnar but who would cheer for that guy willingly? The two exchanged hard clubbing blows on each other’s necks and backs and then exchanged chops. Reins got the upper hand at first and then allowed Holly to get back in the match. Bob gave him the kick in the gut through the legs move and Luther finished Holly off with his finisher for the clean victory.
After the match they must not have liked the finish so Luther came all the way back down the aisle and allowed Hardcore to kick his ass and give him the Alabama slam. Luther then rolled out again as Hardcore soaked up the audience’s cheers. As he walked by I reminded Bob “You still lost. Rene Dupree put up a better fight than you did.” He either ignored me or did not hear me. I figure he did not hear me.
I am getting the feeling I forgot a match for some reason. If so I apologize, if no, well then I have no idea what I am saying.
The lights went out and on the Smackdown-a-tron they played the WWE Divas video. During the video a large crew of WWE workers came down to the ring. Towering over the group was one hooded “crew member” who faked like he was talking on a walkie talkie. The crew managed their way around the ring and the tall person disappeared. The crew did not even stop to do work. They simply walked around the ring and walked back, minus one person of course. You have one guess who it will be.
JBL’s music played and the entire cabinet accompanied him in the ring. Orlando Jordan, the diva chick, The Turtle Neck twins and JBL all waited around until Smackdown cold opens this week with JBL cutting a promo. JBL said that he is going through something no other WWE champion has gone through before. He does say that past WWE champions Bruno Sammartino, Andre the Giant, Bret Hart, Steve Austin and The Rock all have something in common, “On their best day and in the best shape of their lives they could not beat me.” JBL also calls Teddy Long a piece of garbage and an example of affirmative action being wrong. I looked at Orlando Jordan and he was nodding along with JBL so no hints of dissension. JBL talks about beating up the Undertaker and the lights go out. When the lights come back on The Undertaker attacks JBL and his cabinet. He chokeslams both Basham Brothers as JBL and Orlando skeedaddle.
(1) Funaki won a cruiserweight battle royal. The match featured, Paul London, Akio, Nunzio, Billy Kidman, Chavo Guerrero, Funaki and Shannon Moore who entered the ring out in that order. The winner of the battle royal will face Spike Dudley at Armageddon. Nunzio was first out. Then Paul London (by Kidman). Akio, who was stealing the crowds attention was next, the final three were Chavo, Kidman and Funaki. As Chavo tried boosting Kidman over the top, Funaki snuck in and tossed them both. Funaki reacted as if Triple H agreed he would drop the strap to Funaki. The crowd was really in to Akio and Funaki so they were happy.
After the match Teddy long caught up with JBL. JBL reiterated that Teddy was garbage and was only out to screw him. Orlando spoke up and teddy shut him down by telling him to take the base out of his voice. Teddy told JBL if any member f his cabinet interferes Sunday he will strip him of the title on the spot. JBL walked away in disgust and was intercepted by the Bashams. They told him there had been a security breach. When they went to JBL’s limo it was on blocks and the tires had been stolen.
Backstage Miss Jackie Gayda pleaded with Charlie Hass not too go out and fight Jesus in a street fight. She said Jesus is invincible and look what they did to you. Hass revealed two severely bloody eyes. Not sure if he was wearing contacts but they looked nasty. He said he knew what he had to do and left her behind. On his way out, Josh Matthews, wearing a turtle neck, asked him about being the referee in the match between Jackie and Dawn Marie, he said he knows as an official he will call it don the line but quickly added “Come on. Jackie is my fiancee. Of course I will be biased. But that is Sunday and I have work to do.”
(2) Jesus defeated Charlie Hass. At least I think he beat him. Carlito came down with Jesus and was promptly tossed out by Charles Robinson. So, Carlito spit the apple in his face. The problem though is that the apple did not make enough of a mess so Carlito came back down and they did the entire scenario over again. This time the apple was nice and juicy and poor Charles paid the price. Charlie cam down and immediately took control. He ran out of the ring, grabbed chair and prepared to hit Jesus with it when Carlito’s voice came over the PA. “Charlie looks like I have something of yours.’ Carlito said as he stepped outside the curtain with Dawn Marie in his clutches. In the ring Charlie was obviously distracted and this allowed Jesus to punch him in the back of the neck with the chain wrapped around his fist. His is where it gets confusing. There was no official word but the referee called for the bell. So, either Jesus won or the match was tossed out.
After the match Dawn Marie ran in the ring to care for Charlie. Well you can guess who followed. The two tended to Charlie until their hands met. When they did the two women stared at each other for literally, I mean literally, four straight minutes. It looked like they were trying to figure out who was going to make the first move in a lesbian porn scene. They inched closer and closer together but never cam to blows nor smooches. Charles Robinson went over and held up Charlie’s head in a touching scene while the two females seduced each other with their eyes. Finally, Charlie got up, rolled out of the ring and started walking to the back. Dawn slid under his left shoulder and Jackie slid under his right shoulder as he helped him to the back. As they walked by Charlie looked at each of them and just shook his head. If this plays out right, Charlie will be the biggest stud on Smackdown.
Eddie Guerrero walked to the ring rolling a tire. He cut a promo about JBL’s car and how he could get him a deal on new tires. In fact he new of a deal that you could consider a steal. Pretty boring but Eddie has so much charisma everyone was listening to each and every word.
After a commercial break Torrie Wilson was posing for some fake photos when some flowers arrived. She was happy and read the card. Her happiness turned to sorrow when the card read from Kenzo Suzuki. She said, “Kenzo is such a jerk. He is married.” This brought out Hiroku who accused Torrie of calling her husband a jerk. So Hiroku does what any well trained attack wife would do and stripped Torrie Wilson down to her underwear. Hiroko then bolted the scene but Torrie chased after her. Torrie finally caught her and ripped her robe off exposing Hiroko bra and panties. What Hiroko did not realize was that she was now standing in the arena for the entire world to see. When she tried running backstage Torrie was there to meet her. But when Torrie tried catching her she could not make it out of the curtain. Finally, Torrie chased her around the ring but then ran in to Renee Dupree and Kenzo. The two men backed her in the ring ad threatened physical harm. This brought out Rey Mysterio and RVD. They cleared the ring and Teddy Long came out. He said since they do not like each other and “have a big bowl of haterade he is booking a match between them right now. Since they are fighting now there is no reason to wait for Armageddon so the match is for the titles.
(3) RVD & Rey Mysterio defeated Kenzo Suzuki & Rene Dupree. We have us some new tag team champions ladies and gentlemen. This was the best match of the night with all four men going at a pretty good clip and were all breathing hard five minutes in to the match. Without giving away too much. Rye Mysterio pinned Kenzo with a roll up aided by holding RVD’s arms for the title clinching victory. After the match Dupree left on his won and did not look pleased with Kenzo. Dupree is a big kid in person as well as Kenzo. Say what you will about his athletic prowess but the crowd ate up Kenzo’s comedy bits in the video packages and the in ring bits.
Then the sounds of clocks echoed in the arena as John Heidenreich sat in some undisclosed place. He looked distant and the ticking clock got louder and louder. Paul Heyman came in and told John he had to take his medicine and that he has good news for John. Heidenreich can leave “this place” and return to Smackdown next week. Heidenreich declined and says he likes it here. He said” They like me in here. Those people out there do not like me.” He said he was never coming back to Smackdown. If that is true, whom do I thank?
(4) Big Show defeated Mark Jindrak by DQ. This started as the Kurt Angle invitational challenge. The announcer introduced his opponent and everybody thought it was going to be the FIW from earlier. But then the Big Show came out. Angle jumped all over that saying he knew what Show was up to and that it was not going to work. He said there is nothing he can do about Sunday and he is going to pay. Luther got in Big Shows face and said he knows someone who is dieing to fight him. He said, “that person is Mark Jindrak.” Jindrak was shocked but had little chance for worry as Show attacked him. In a very funny spot, Show hushed the audience and then gave Jindrak the worst sounding chop ever. It was equal parts crack and thud and it just sounded painful. After Kurt unsuccessfully tried interfering Luther jumped in the ring and caused the DQ. They beat up Big Show and the angle ended with Kurt throwing the steel steps in Big Shows back.
Booker T was backstage working out with that Michelle McCool Diva loser. She was helping Booker stretch by bouncing on the muscle, which is a clear no-no and a great way for someone to tear a muscle. If she is a personal trainer she should be fired. But then the muscle she is working is probably not for the viewing audience anyway. Booker did some physical comedy with JBL’s hat and said he was going to win the belt Sunday.
(5) Booker T & Undertaker & Eddie Guerrero defeated JBL & The Cabinet. A solid match with the usual chikensh– heel tactics of JBL. Tactics that were generating a ton of heat with the live audience. At one point all seven men were facing off and JBL jumped in the crowd hiding from The Undertaker. The end came when Taker tombstoned Orlando and scored the pin.
After the cameras shut, off all three faces stayed in the ring celebrating. They then stopped and all admired the belt. This allowed JBL to sneak back in the ring with a chair but he was cut off. Taker gave him a chokeslam. Eddie gave him a frogsplash and Booker did the Spinaroonie. Then all three left and JBL finally came around and grabbed his belt. As he walked to the back the announcer stated that JBL was still your WWE champ.
All in all this was a rally good time. I am not sure how effective it will be for selling the Armageddon PPV but as a live event everybody left satisfied. The fact the tag titles changed hands made the show more fun. The titles may change hands a lot but it is always fun seeing new champions crowned in person.
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