FIFTH MATCH: Joey Janela & Invisible Man vs. Kikutaro & Invisible Stan
Janela demands to start the match against Invisible Stan. Stan rolls up Janela for two. Invisible Man tags in.
They lock up, I am told. They allegedly get to the ropes. They allegedly break clean. There is an alleged nearfall. Kikutaro tags in.
They lock up. Man and Kikutaro trade wristlocks. They trade leapfrogs. They trade nearfalls. Stan tags in.
They allegedly fight to the ropes. There are a series of alleged nearfalls and submissions. How exactly do I transcribe this match? Seriously. There’s apparently a low blow and they trade nearfalls again. Janela tags in.
Janela gets hit with an armdrag. They fight to the corner. Janela chops the chest. Janela hits Machine Gun chops. Janela hits a bodyslam. Janela gets to the top rope. Janela is crotched on the top rope. Invisible Stan hits a Superplex.
Kikutaro knocks Invisible Man off the apron. Kikutaro corners Janela. Kikutaro hits a back elbow. Invisible Stan covers for two. Invisible Stan chokes for three. Stan hits a lariat. Stan covers for two.
Invisible Man hot tags in and cleans house. Kikutaro cuts him off. Kikutaro is knocked out of the ring. Invisible Man hits a Tope Con Hiro. Janela goes for a suicide dive but Invisible Stan blocks it. Invisible Stan hits a Suicide Dive. Everyone brawls on the outside. Invisible Stan hits a balcony dive. Kikutaro gets back in the ring.
Kikutaro crotches Invisible Man on the top rope. Invisible Man hits an Avalanche move and covers for two. Janela tags in. Kikutaro dodges a moonsault. Kikutaro hits a Shining Wizard. Kikutaro covers for two.
Invisible Stan holds Janela’s arm. Kikutaro accidentally smashes Stan with a steel chair. Janela hits a Superkick. Janela covers for two. Invisible Man climbs the top rope and tags in. Invisible Man hits an 18-Rotation Splash on Kikutaro for the pinfall in 11:37.
WINNERS: Joey Janela & Invisible Man
After the match, Janela and Invisible Man kiss with tongues.
Kikutaro puts over Janela and Invisible Man, but before Janela can thank the crowd, Kikutaro shoots him in the back with a cap gun. The Great Sasuke then comes out and brings Janela back to life. Janela hugs Sasuke and then beats him up because…reasons.
MAIN EVENT: Alex Colon vs. Masashi Takeda
They trade holds. Colon hits a drop toe hold. Takeda drives Colon into the lighttubes. Takeda jumps through a lighttube. Both men get F*CKING KNIVES from under the ring. They dual wield lighttubes and butcher knifes. Takeda gets in a couple shots with the knife. Colon rakes a broken lighttube across Takeda’s head. Colon drives the lighttubeinto the top of his head. Takeda uses an elbow to smash a lighttube on Colon. Takeda sets up three chairs.
Takeda grabs a board covered in broken lighttubes and sets it on the tables. Takeda puts Colon on the board. Takeda hits a Somersault Senton through Colon, the boards and the chairs. Takeda rolls Colon in the ring and covers for one.
Takeda smashes Colon with a lighttube and covers him. Takeda hits a Lighttube Russian Legsweep. Takeda smashes Colon with the lighttube. Takeda sets up two chairs. Colon fights back but Takeda sits him in the chairs. Colon hits a Cutter. Colon hits a Sunset Flip for two. Takeda hits a lighttube assisted shotgun dropkick. Takeda hits a high knee. Takeda covers Colon in lighttubes and hits a running knee. Takeda grabs a Gussett Plate. Colon counters and drives the gussett plate into the shoulder and then the forehead of Takeda. Takeda sticks the plate into the arm of Colon. Takeda rubs wasabi into the open wounds of Colon. Takeda carves Ryan with a lighttube. Takeda hits a German Suplex. Takeda covers for two.
Takeda gets a cactus. Colon counters and hits a top rope double stomp through lighttubes and onto a cactus. Colon covers for two. Takeda gets Colon on the top rope. Takeda hits a lighttube assisted powerbomb. Takeda covers for two. Takeda hits a lighttube assited Penalty Kick. Takeda covers for one.
Colon and Takeda trade blows. Takeda throws a bunch of lighttubes at Colon and hits a knee to the head. Takeda covers for two.
Takeda goes out of the ring and grabs a board covered in butcher knives. Colon hits a lighttube assisted meteora. Colon covers for two. Colon covers Takeda with the butcher knife board. Colon hits a top rope leg drop for the pinfall in 13:54.
WINNER: Alex Colon.
