Yes, you asked for it. Okay, you didnât. In fact, you threatened me if I brought it back. But you donât own me. You donât control me. You donât run my life. You donâtâ¦
Wait, come back. Iâm sorry. Iâm just going through a lot of crap. Iâmâ¦
Ahem, without further ado, the âWeak in Review.â
Word is that WWE is finally cracking down on marijuana use. Fines have been imposed and wrestlers have been suspended over this. Because of the increased enforcement, Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong will not be one of the thirty participants in Januaryâs Royal Rumble. Cheech would have been number 4 and Chong would have entered at 20. Also, a planned Cheech vs. Chong match for Wrestlemania where the entire ring would have been made of marijuana and ignited by special referee Kane and sponsored by Doritos has been cancelled.
Breaking news: Kurt Angle is going to face Brock Lesnar in an upcoming UFC pay-per-view.
We can now confirm that Doyle Tanglung, the 20-year head janitor for WWEâs Stamford headquarters has jumped to TNA. In a press release, Dixie Carter praised Tanglung, saying, âHis ability to change urinal cakes is beyond compare. He is without peer when it comes to immediate cleanup of explosive diarrhea remains (Bob Ryder was not available for comment). Bathrooms without pee spots around the toilets (Jeremy Borash was not available for comment) and full paper towel and soap dispensers will truly take TNA to the next level.â
Breaking news: Kurt Angle is going to be the face of a new MMA promotion.
Jake Robertsâ recently posted the following on his MySpace:
âBeware evil doers, the snake is fed up! The time has come to strike back. It is a damned shame I must spend time and energy to address any of those low life, nothing happening, sick, sad, worthless slime but enough is enough.
Take control and do something with your OWN lives but stay the F*** out of mine.â
To put it simply, Roberts claims ownership of the âlow life, nothing happening, sick, sad, worthless slimeâ gimmick. Friends are now claiming that there was a mysterious powder in the keys of his keyboard and have police analyzing it as of this writing. When asked to comment, Roberts burped.
Breaking news: Kurt Angle is going to be the face of a resurgence in Backyard Wrestling.
Mike Adamle has âresignedâ as Rawâs general manager and may be done with WWE. Interestingly enough, there are those former commentators in the industry who are disappointed in Adamleâs sudden absence. Comedian and former Raw color man and Rob Bartlett was overheard saying, âDamn, now theyâll never forget about me.â By the way, Bartlett remains active on the circuit and will be appearing at the Gelfand Bar Mitzvah in Long Island next week.
Breaking news: Kurt Angle is out of milk and on his way to the store.
