The Biz: Wrestling Fans Are Just…Dumb.

Nick Perkins

 

Hey wrestling fans. It’s Nick Perkins back with another edition of “The Biz.” Now, some of you may be asking yourselves why it’s been so long since I’ve graced you with what is obviously the best written, most entertaining article here on wrestlezone.com. Normally I would say that it’s really none of your business, but for the sake of taking up more space so I can get this article written and move on to something that is actually hard to do, I’ll tell you. The fact of the matter is that the reason I haven’t written anything for close to a month is because of you, dear reader.
Regular readers of my articles know that I used to love reading emails from wrestling fans. Some of what I read was well written, and (gasp!) intelligent, but the majority was utter drivel. This used to not bother me, but the more I read, the more I became frustrated. I just don’t understand why people can’t be smart. I’m smart. Why can’t you be? It doesn’t take much more time to actually use punctuation in sentences. Whatever. I’m over it. Much like Chris Jericho trying to save Rey Mysterio and the WWE universe, I’m here to save, well, myself mostly. But, in doing so, I hope to save you, your children, your children’s children, and your children’s children’s children. Indeed, after reading my article week after week, you will learn big words, which I hope you will use in sentences thereafter. You will see an increase in self-confidence, because you will see that someone (me) is a success in life, and therefore, there’s a chance that someone who hasn’t succeeded in life (you) still has the chance to. You can thank me later.
Now some of you may be rolling your eyes thinking that I’m just trying to go the “heel” route, ala Mark Madden. This isn’t the case. I still like John Cena and I still think Madden is a tool. I think HHH is a great performer and John Morrison is slowly becoming one of my favorite wrestlers. I still think Smackdown is great and Raw sucks. I’m excited to see what ECW can do and I think Impact is getting better and better. I’m going to have opinions that you agree with, and opinions that you disagree with. You can argue with me if you want, but be forewarned- if you do, you will lose. I’m smarter than you and I’m not afraid to make you know that via the written word. So, if you really feel like you want to make your life better, read my article. If you want to continue with your pathetic existence that consists of spending every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and every other Sunday watching wrestling without a girlfriend, you can skip my article and read Nick Paglino write the same thing every week. This is the start of a new era. I hope you enjoy the ride. If not, then get off. If you have something intelligent/coherent to say, you can email me at westernrebellion@live.com I’ll probably make fun of you though, so be forewarned. Example:
 
Sean Thompson writes:
what you said on wrestlezone.com about the tna house show you went to in Cheyenne, Wyoming is all the proof i need to back up what i have told all my friends that tna is the future of wrestling i mean lets face it the way that vince is running the wwe it wont be around much longer because every week its ratings drop whereas tnas ratings go  up and my ultimate  dream is to be a wrestler but i dont want to wrestle for the wwe i want to wrestle for tna just because i do believe it will be around longer in short thank you for that article my name is sean by the way  thank you again
I almost wish that I could have altered this to make it look worse, but I simply can’t. Remember what I said about punctuation? That applies here. Yeah, TNA did a wonderful job when they came to Wyoming. I was thoroughly impressed. However, WWE is going to be around for a very long time and TNA isn’t much more than a blip on the radar. WWE is pulling a combined rating of 8.3 and Impact hovers around the 1.3 mark. Yes, TNA is good. But WWE is better and will be for quite some time.
 
James Taylor (not the singer) writes:
Hey,
My name is James Taylor, Im 18 years old and am studying Archaeology and Geography at Notts uni.
 
Im also a massive wrestling fan. I started in 99 I think, my first ppv ever was Royal Rumble Rock Vs Mankind with the chair hots heard around the world. However I eventually fell out of love with it and drifted into other things.
 
I eventually came back to wrestling when TNA began being shown in the UK on the wrestling channel, I think the first ppv may have been one of TNAs best main event, Unbreakable 2005, the triple threat and the only time the X division title ever headlined a ppv, why it hasnt happenend again after that night I dont know. But from then Ive been hooked once again.
 
Less than a year later I was back into WWE too, I now didnt see it as a ‘real’ tv programe like I did when I was younger but a male soap opera and an excellent diplay of athleticism. I began looking on the internet and ended up joining the Skysports forum, before the members off of there created there own 24 hour forum which Im now a member of.
 
My love of wrestling is growing all the time, I write a wrestling show with a friend of mine, called BOB ‘Battle of the Brands’ which pits a newly revitilsed WCW product based on the SD brand against the WWE brand set around Raw, using currently active wrestlers we use it as a way to demonstrate our own ideas for wrestling and show ou love of the industry.
 
I love reading your coloumns as I have very similiar opinions to you. Your opinions on the TNA house show were similiar to my experience when I attended the Maximum Impact tour 09 a Manchester MEN. The tickets were a christmas present off my gf who I went with, she isnt really a wrestling fan but we chanted all night, her favourites were calling Doug Williams a jobber even though she didnt know what it meant and shouting for the Knockouts to take it off, haha.
 
Your stories of childhood wrestling and watching it at a young age remind me of my experiences, the sick in your stomache at watching your favourite star turn stays with you forever, another one would be where you were when you heard Chris Benoit had died. Iheard on the 28th after I’d got home on my birthday. Another one would be Survivor Series 02, one of m final ppvs before my break, the 1st ever Elimination Chamber and my VCR ran out of tape as HBK lined up the superkick on HHH for his 1st win in 4 years was it?
 
Im a huge fan of yours and I hope to from you in reply.
 
Cheers for the great reads and keep em up!
 
Jim
 Damnit Jim I like you. I really do. This hurts me more than it will hurt you. Is it THAT hard to use spell check? Now, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, being that you’re British and British people simply don’t have the intelligence of Americans (Nick Note: Sooo, I guess I just found out that I’m xenophobic. Huh.) but still. Spell Check works just as easily in Europe as it does here. It’s a good thing your major is Archaeology and not English…Just sayin’. About you writing a wrestling show… creating storylines in your Smackdown VS Raw game doesn’t count. I do that too, but I wouldn’t brag about it, especially knowing that a jerky columnist would probably make fun of me in front of God and everyone. I’m glad you’re a wrestling fan and I’m glad that you have awesome memories like those. I’m also glad that you enjoy my articles so much (I don’t blame you) and I hope you continue to read them.
 
So, those are a couple examples. I went a little easy on Jim because he flattered me. Maybe you should try that when you write to me. You should have a lot of time on your hands since you save so much time by skipping punctuation and spell check. I’ll be back next week. Or not. Whatever… Ok, let’s start over. If I get bored next week and there aren’t any reruns of Brooke Knows Best on TV, I’ll think about writing another article. Until then, I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.
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