Dissecting Ratings, Interview w/ Morrison, & “Disqo” Fever

Mark Madden

THE NUMBERS DON’T LIE

Monday’s RAW did an overall rating of 3.3, 2.6 in the 18-49 male demographic. According to PWTorch.com, RAW’s audience declined 18.5 percent compared to the show’s previous five weeks.

That’s a cataclysmic drop even when you take going head-to-head with the NBA playoffs into account. What will WWE do?

Nothing. There won’t be an overhaul or a significant change in direction, that’s for sure.

If that’s because WWE believes their best-laid plans are creatively sound and will ultimately come good, fine. But it’s not.

Changes won’t be forthcoming because WWE books for an audience of one, Vince McMahon, and he has always explained away any rejection of his creative vision by saying the fans are wrong, not me. This is old news, to be sure, but worth reviewing when a rough rating rolls around. It’s not as if another wrestling company provides legitimate competition, and a 3.3 is still a monster number on cable.

So things will mostly remain the same. Vince may identify a scapegoat by minimizing someone’s push or even firing someone. But it won’t be the right someone.

For example, no one wants to see Shane McMahon play Superman. No one sees him as a legitimate competitor, badass, athlete or legitimate anything else. To make things worse, accepting 3-on-1 matches doesn’t make him seem tough, it makes him look stupid.

I’m sure Vince sees Shane’s main-event status as a way of extending the McMahon legacy.

But the best way Vince could extend the McMahon legacy would be by running an entertaining, profitable wrestling company. But WWE has become a crappy, jaded, declining, overextended wrestling company given an occasional artificial boost (like further monopolizing sports entertainment on TV by extending its tentacles into WGN, and wait until the unholy alliance with ESPN).

Writing this column becomes harder and harder. Almost everything in wrestling sucks. What’s there to discuss?

WELL, THERE’S ALWAYS THIS…

I was scheduled to have Melina on my radio show this past week, but she canceled the day before. I would have been polite and respectful with Melina, because A) she’s totally hot, B) I am totally smitten, for all the good it might do and C) she’s one of the few WWE divas who actually seems to “get” and have respect for the business.

I was offered her boyfriend, John Morrison, as a replacement.

I mulled potential questions. These came to mind:

*What’s it like to find out your girl was banging a co-worker who treated her like a sex toy, and by reading a book, yet?

*Are you accomplished enough as a draw and performer to be nailing somebody that hot? Shouldn’t she be passed around from top star to top star to management? Isn’t that company policy?

*Gee, those fur coats look hot.

*Isn’t that Jim Morrison gimmick a bit dated?

*You’re 29. Do you even know who Jim Morrison was?

*Is this the end, my only friend, the end?

*Do you want to kill your father and **** your mother?

*Do you still have the web address of that online pharmacist?

I passed. I’ll just catch Melina next time around.


WHEN THE BOOGIE STARTED TO EXPLODE

Remember when former Wrestlezone.com columnist Disco Inferno rechristened himself “Disqo” and started carrying around a duck? It was the spring of 2000, and I was incredulous. Why do that?

“That gimmick is outdated,” Disco said with a straight face.

“Glenn, it was outdated when you started using it.” I replied. “Saturday Night Fever came out when I was in high school. It’s a classic, timeless movie, and the whole point of the gimmick is that you’re a dope stuck in a time warp. Now you’re just a dope.”

History proved me correct. Disc(q)o dropped a gimmick based on an iconic movie that people still watch to do a whitebread parallel of Sisqo, a one-hit wonder that no one remembered a year later.  No wonder this guy is in charge of a peep show in Vegas now.

The unanswered question: What happened to the duck?

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