WWE Is Bad Too, Another DDMe Story, The Snake, More


Paul Heyman wrote that WWE writers are hamstrung by the reality of having to write for an audience of one, WWE chairman Vince McMahon, and are often victimized by his frequently changing whims.

Dave Meltzer wrote that despite scripting shows with ratings that have declined for the past six years, the top of the WWE writing hierarchy has not been replaced or shaken up, making WWE telecasts perversely unique among big-league TV programming.

Heyman and Meltzer are both right.

So while we (including me) often rush to judgment when it comes to TNAâ<80><99>s Vince Russo â<80>” and he certainly has become a popular Internet whipping boy â<80>” donâ<80><99>t lose sight of the fact that WWE booking stinks, too, and thatâ<80><99>s with a lot more resources to work with and a lot more at stake. If WWE-â<80><9c>qualityâ<80> booking was applied to a promotion without star power, that promotion would be in the toilet.

But Vince isnâ<80><99>t going to fire his daughter. Brian Gewirtz doesnâ<80><99>t have pictures of Vince with a goat, but his job security in the face of sustained failure suggests that possibility. Badstreet is no longer the baddest street in the USA; in fact, the further down the block you go, the lamer it gets.

Wrestling in general just blows. Iâ<80><99>m surprised any of us can be bothered to watch it, let alone write about it.

How can WWE wring its collective hands over bad ratings, yet not make significant changes in the creative department?

Thatâ<80><99>s an easy one. By all accounts, Vince gets a little nuttier every day. Maybe itâ<80><99>s just the mental residue of having spent your entire life around an enterprise built upon deceit with no exposure whatsoever to pop culture, or maybe itâ<80><99>s something else altogether. But if your attention span is eroding, you tend to go wacky in the short term without ever thinking in the long term.

Thatâ<80><99>s WWE in a nutshell, isnâ<80><99>t it?

The saddest part: Even though Vince McMahon is THE greatest wrestling promoter of all time (the dollars, geography and longevity donâ<80><99>t lie), WWE may be in a position where â<80>” like the Oakland Raiders with Al Davis and Penn State football with Joe Paterno â<80>” the iconic leader has to die before a true revival can be maintained because the old kook has no intention of ever stepping down.

Speaking of crap booking, the next episode of Impact is reportedly designed to humiliate Kurt Angle in the wake of recent (accurate) comments he made to the media that were critical of TNA.

Can somebody please tell me what that will accomplish for the good of TNA? Hereâ<80><99>s betting it works out as well as TNA highlighting the Anglesâ<80><99> marital difficulties. Kurt Angle got decent money and a favorable schedule from TNA. But TNA should be ashamed of the way Angle has been booked and treated, and when Kurtâ<80><99>s contract expires, he should sign anyplace but TNA. They took an Olympic killing machine and made him into a circus clown while hastening his breakup with Karen. Kurt is obviously responsible for both those developments, too, but you expect your employer to help, not hurt.

ME & DDMe (one in a series):

DDMe had many annoying post-match habits (not to mention annoying pre-match habits, and stuff he did during matches that got under peopleâ<80><99>s skin), but perhaps numero uno among them was his routine of strapping ice all over himself. DDMe had these icepacks that were attached to Velcro strips, and he would fill a half-dozen or so and affix them to various parts of his body.

Maybe he was aching, maybe he wasnâ<80><99>t, but everyone knew that the primary purpose of packing himself in ice like a lobster about to be shipped cross-country was to draw attention to what a trouper he was, and how hard he worked, and how â<80>” at whatever ridiculous age he might have been at the time, 50 or 60, heck, who really knows? â<80>” he was still PAYING HIS DUES.

To quote one WCW employee: â<80><9c>Uncle. Enough with the icepacks. It looked like he was planning to hit the Titanic. But it looked like the Titanic had already hit him.â<80>

DDMe also put lime slices in light beers. Like you do with Coronas, but with cheap light beers. To quote Scott Hall: â<80><9c>Bro, how redneck riviera is THAT?â<80>


* Note to Disqo: I DID copy my â<80><9c>Fire Russoâ<80> rant off one of the message boards. Saves time that way. As for you getting a better reaction than 80 percent of the wrestlers on TV today, I suppose thatâ<80><99>s true if you count retching violently as a â<80><9c>reaction,â<80> or if you count lack of recognition. I recently challenged Disqo to point out anything booked by Vince Russo that is working, that is making a positive impact on TNAâ<80><99>s bottom line. That challenge remains unanswered. TNA drew crowds of 500 and 600, â<80><9c>respectively,â<80> to house shows at large arenas in Florida last weekend. Based on that, Iâ<80><99>m going to assume not too much is working.

* At one point Shelly Martinez was auctioning off a date on Ebay, threatening to dance naked on the table at Mr. Chowâ<80><99>s. Then it became lunch, with â<80><9c>someâ<80> of the proceeds going to benefit cancer research. Then the damn thing disappeared from Ebay. Ashley Massaro needs to call Shelly and tell her the proper way to launch this new phase of her career. Or maybe Shelly should call Lita Chase.

* In the grand scheme, does it really matter what Jake Roberts does anymore, or why?

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