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The widespread moaning about Christian’s “premature” title loss continues to echo through the IWC. Comparisons are being drawn between Christian and Orton, not unlike “Hit Parader” magazine’s monthly battle o’ the bands:
CHRISTIAN vs. ORTON: WHO’S BETTER?
The answer is NEITHER, much like Poison vs. W.A.S.P.
WWE’s biggest problem is that its three biggest stars (Rock, ‘Taker, Triple H) are part-time, and while their occasional appearances allow BUSINESS TO PICK UP, it’s only for that day, and the scrubs suffer via showcased comparison.
None of WWE’s full-time performers are GREAT, a nailed-on drawing card and TV attraction. John Cena is CLOSE, or at least the closest thing, and good enough that association with The Rock elevates instead of buries.
But look at the rest of these bums:
Randy Orton: Disco Inferno as a tattooed twink.
Sheamus: Disco Inferno with a brogue.
Christian: Disco Inferno if the IWC adored him.
CM Punk: Better than Disco Inferno, certainly, but not a WWE main eventer anywhere near the company’s classic mold. Hence Punk’s assorted “pushes,” which never quite go all the way, which is why he’ll soon be leaving.
The Miz: Disco Inferno if he couldn’t dance.
Actually, Miz has gotten a LOT better, absorbing a lot of panache and credibility from his championship run. But Miz still can’t break away from the pack. His strong point is talking, but he’s too scripted to reach the next level in that regard. He’s also AWESOME. Another strong point.
WWE has badly diminished Rey Mysterio. He’s the kids’ hero, yeah. But, as with Punk, WWE just doesn’t BELIEVE in a guy that size, and it’s always showed. It’s going to be the same with Sin Cara. Sin Cara will be a star by his standards, but not by WWE standards. It’s all about context.
Can Chris Jericho do another “save us” re-introduction?
I may have ridiculed several WWE superstars earlier in this column. But I’m lampooning what they are while lamenting what they could be. I like Sheamus’ look. I like Christian’s rap. I like how The Miz soaks up reflected glory and makes it his own. But the booking sucks. Beyond catchphrases and affectations, those guys are cookie-cutter. They’re booked to stand out, but they don’t. They just DON’T.
It goes back to what I talked about in a recent Chair Shot Reality. (Yes, those are brilliant.) Read the Torch Talk with former WWE writer John Piermarini. Read Dave Lagana’s blogs. Those guys HAVE ZERO IDEA WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT. If they’re indicative of the approach wrestling is taking, no wonder the biz BLOWS. (Check out Chair Shot Reality for a more in-depth explanation.)
Maybe Piermarini, Lagana and their ilk can WRITE SCRIPTS. But they can’t BOOK WRESTLING. I don’t notice Hollywood beating down their doors, either.
You know what could save wrestling? WRESTLING. There’s some irony there.
BTW, I’ve gotten some interesting e-mails regarding my criticism of Orton, namely: PEOPLE AGREEING, including some industry insiders. Is anyone more overrated, or overpushed? He’s just a tall Brent Corrigan.
57 VARIETIES OF STUPID
Here’s a story from the TNA production meeting before the Victory Road PPV. My source SWEARS it’s true.
They’re going over the Hernandez-Morgan “first blood” match, and the script calls for Hernandez to win by throwing fake blood on Morgan. Tommy Dreamer rightfully notes that the proposed finish screws the fans on the stipulation.
Russo: “That’s what a heel would do.”
A) That’s NOT what a heel would do. A heel would bleed first, conceal the cut via styptic pencil or Superglue, then win when the face “accidentally” bleeds. B) Isn’t Russo the guy who always says there aren’t faces and heels anymore?
Anyway, the fans aren’t supposed to get screwed. EVER.
Dreamer, being old-school, turns to sarcasm: “They always say we use ketchup. Let’s have Hernandez use ketchup.”
Hogan (seriously): “That’s not a bad idea, brother.”
Is it any wonder TNA sucks?