You know what…
F*** it. Let’s just skip to the Rumble match. I realize there’s five other matches on this card to break down, but does anyone really care about my analysis of a Divas tag match, the 20th interaction between the Usos and the Miz’s this month, and the 5-minute snooze-fest that “put over” The Ascension? GREAT JOB WWE – you laughed two guys in face paint out of the building for a month, then bored the 50-year-old New Age Outlaws to an early grave with a Chris-Jericho-like arsenal of rest holds. You win.
If you want to skip the incoming Royal Rumble match breakdown – and it’s very, very detailed/long – you can CLICK HERE and go directly to the ratings.
There’s your analysis.
WHO THE HELL BOOKED THIS RUMBLE MATCH!?
There have been bad Rumble matches in the past. There have been some awful Rumble matches in fact. None of them – and I’ve seen each and every single one at least twice – comes close to matching the amount of incompetence and downright negligence this Rumble match was booked with.
I’m not even talking about Roman Reigns winning. We might get to that later; we’ll see how I’m feeling after I slaughter this match.
We start with The Miz and R-Truth. 2014 started with CM Punk and Seth Rollins. 2013 saw Dolph Ziggler and a returning Chris Jericho. 2011 was CM Punk and Daniel Bryan! I did skip over 2012, but even the yawn-inducing kickoff featuring The Miz and Alex Riley was based on some sort of midcard program. This year, we kick off the road to WrestleMania… with The Miz and R-Truth.
Bubba Ray Dudley was the one shining star in this otherwise stinker of a Royal Rumble. Let’s put aside that somebody booked the best heel in TNA history like he’d never left the WWE midcard (old ring gear and fake glasses included) – his segment was actually very entertaining. Because Vince apparently feels all black men are interchangeable, R-Truth played the role of Devon so Bully Bubba could yell “get the tables!” He then had to start his own “tables” chant. No tables were fetched.
