Hogan vs. Dixie: The Final Conflict

Nick Paglino

Hulk HoganHOGAN VS. DIXIE: THE FINAL CONFLICT

Hulk Hogan’s contract with Impact expires in the fall.

Impact’s contract with Spike TV expires in the fall.

Uh-oh.

When they were in the ring at WrestleMania 18, The Rock didn’t stand a chance against Hogan. Hogan used every trick he knew to turn the crowd his way. The Rock was overwhelmed. He gave in. Hogan is the master manipulator. Hogan conned his way into a ‘Mania moment.

Next up: Hogan cons his way into running a Spike TV-branded wrestling promotion in place of Impact. Hogan and Eric Bischoff take the time slot away from Dixie Carter and use Spike’s money to run the company. ATM ERIC RIDES AGAIN! Impact folds, or fights with ROH over scraps.

Dixie doesn’t stand a chance. DEAD MEAT.

The wheels are already in motion. Hogan is still a BIG STAR to middle-aged TV executives. His way would work better than Dixie’s, brother. He’s a BIG STAR, dude. Who knows more about wrestling than the Hulkster, brother? He tells Dixie what to do, but she just won’t listen, dude.

Dixie never should have re-signed Hogan and Bischoff. They haven’t helped Impact one bit, and now they’re poised to give her the boot and take over, a real-life version of the idiotic angle they did. That was just a dry run. MONEY MARK.

I’m rooting for Hulk. I want to see what Hulk Hogan Wrestling looks like. It couldn’t be worse than Impact.

Actually, it probably will be.

Garrett Bischoff as world champ, Hacksaw Jim Duggan as “B” champ, Nasty Boys as tag champs. One more run for Brother Bruti. It’ll be old home week, emphasis on the OLD. X Division? What X Division? Bigger is better, brother.

This isn’t a rumor. The process has already started. Can Dixie outmaneuver Hogan and Bischoff? Sure. All she needs is ratings and revenue. HAW, HAW, HAW, HAW!

EMBRACE THE HATE…AND GRAB EVE’S JUGS!

I like WWE’s John Cena angle in a very perverse way.

I don’t use the term “perverse” because I liked seeing Cena and Eve make out – though I do think Cena should have stuck his hand down her pants, or at least got to second base. Grab her ass, anyway. ACT LIKE A MAN!

Eve is much hotter when she’s not wrestling. Same goes for most of the Divas. In the ring, all they are is CLUMSY.

I would have bet Eve was aligned with Kane from the start. Still might turn out that way. I bet Kane likes rough sex. I have zero doubt that he keeps the mask on.

WWE finally found a good use for Zack Ryder. He sucks, so they made him an unwitting dupe to get over better performers. No shame in that. Barry Horowitz and the Mulkeys made a decent living. Ryder should go heel and stalk Eve. Then Kane can stuff Ryder into a woodchipper. What else is left?

I LOVED Kane rolling Ryder off the edge of the stage. Ryder should have yelled “WHEEE! WHEEE, WHEEE, WHEEE!” like the Geico piggy. It was a thrill ride. Ryder finally got the push he deserved.

The reason I say I like the angle in a perverse way is because I like it…but it isn’t working.

When Cena started uttering his “I’m comfortable in my own skin” platitudes, it was met with mass indifference. That sucks, because everyone in this storyline is trying their best.

But marks want FACES and HEELS, and even though Cena’s doing his best to pull off the subtleties required, he’s too damaged a babyface to make people care whether or not he turns. Most of the crowd was booing Cena, anyway. If he  “embraces the hate,” WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?

Actually, the marks would probably start cheering him. Especially if he motorboated Eve.

LIES, LYING LIARS, ETC.

One myth I want to dispel in the wake of my Hogan column earlier this week is the thought expressed in the comments section that Hogan’s heel turn made the nWo angle.

The important part of the nWo angle was the WWE invasion as personified by Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. As I wrote in my previous column, Hall and Nash had already engaged the marks as cool heels. Hogan had FINALLY realized he was stagnant, so he jumped on their bandwagon.

OF COURSE Hogan took credit for it. Just like he took credit for the sold-out Georgia Dome by finagling his way into a main event with Goldberg after all the tickets had been bought. Theft doesn’t always involve money or property.

The nWo invasion was already RED-HOT when Hogan turned. It was a memorable moment, but it guaranteed the angle would fizzle, because Hogan would never give WCW its heat back. He didn’t, and WCW folded five years later.

Hogan was a lot more responsible for WCW disappearing than the success of the nWo invasion.

Mark Madden hosts a radio show 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WXDX-FM,Pittsburgh, PA (105.9). Check out his web page at WXDX.com. Contact Mark by emailing  wzmarkmadden@hotmail.com . FOLLOW MARK ON TWITTER: @MARKMADDENX.

Have a news tip? Attended an event and want to send a live report? Submit it now!